Tears filled the rims of her eyes, but I didn’t want the tears. I wanted the flash of anger.
“In.” I nodded to the tub.
She hesitated and I let her. Fuck, I wanted her to hesitate. I would’ve been ecstatic if she told me to go fuck myself and hit me.
She didn’t and I sighed as she undressed then stepped into the tub. I heard her gasp and her gaze went to mine as I leaned back against the bathroom counter and watched.
Hoping. False hope. Something I knew better than to have.
She was too fuckin’ skinny. I could see her hip bones and her ribs, and her breasts were smaller. When my eyes finished roaming the length of her body and met with hers again, I almost… almost told her to get the fuck out.
But that was up to her. She may know little about me, but she had been intimate with me. She knew enough that all she had to do was tell me. I taught her that lesson and I wanted her to search her mind and remember. Find those words and tell me she didn’t want to do this.
That was all it took.
Her lips parted and she inhaled. I swore she was going to say the words, but instead, she lowered into the frigid water. I dropped my head forward and closed my eyes.
Fuck.
She started hyperventilating, breathing fast and uncontrollably. A body’s shock reaction to the sudden cold. I anticipated this and within minutes, it would go away and she’d be able to withstand the temperature for ten to twenty minutes before hypothermia set in. When her muscles weakened, that was when I’d have to get her out of there.
But what I wanted was her to break before then.
My skin crawled and the tension in my chest was so tight breathing became painful. Because watching her was painful. Listening to the ice clink against the sides of the tub was painful. I’d never had this reaction before. Immune to hearing the screams, witnessing torture, death, blood.
But it took everything I had to remain where I was and not drag her the fuck out of there.
She had her legs scrunched up to her chest, arms wrapped around them, her chin resting on her knees that were above the water level. Her nipples were erect, or at least the one I could see, as the waterline sloshed lightly against her breasts as I’d only filled the tub halfway.
Her teeth chattered and she tried to stop the shivering but couldn’t, which made the water slosh back and forth more.
“What did they do to you, Raven?” I didn’t need to know, but she needed to tell me.
She raised her head and looked at me. “Everything.”
Yeah, I had a pretty good idea. “Specifics, please.”
Oh, she didn’t like that by the way her back stiffened and I inwardly smiled.
“Alfonzo liked sex.”
I tensed, knowing what I’d hear, prepared for it. At least, I thought I was. “Did you like it?”
She gasped and her lips pursed together. “No.”
“But you let him anyway.” I crossed my arms and raised my brows. “You had no choice?”
“Yes,” she replied.
“Why?”
“I was tied up.”
That was info I’d use later. “Are you tied up now?”
“Umm.” I scowled at the word and there was a flicker of something in her eyes. She remembered. I knew she did. That day I told her that umm didn’t suit her. “No.”
“So, you enjoy the cold water?”
That pissed her off as her spine straightened and despite her chattering teeth, she raised her voice. “You told me to get in the tub.”
I shrugged. “True. I did. But if you recall, I once told you to tell me if you didn’t want to do something.”
Her expression changed from anger to contemplation. Good, I wanted her to think things through. She’d been on auto-pilot for years. She had to flip the switch and take control.
“Can I… get out?”
Finally. That took about three minutes, not bad. I reached for a towel off the rail. She stood and swayed a bit. I quickly stepped over to her, put my hands under her armpits then lifted her out of the tub. I wrapped the towel snug around her shivering body.
After rubbing her down vigorously, I passed her another towel and tucked it in around her. “Get dressed and come out to the living room.” I started to leave the bathroom, when her soft voice stopped me.
“I remember.”
I put my hand on the doorframe, fingers splintering the wood as my casual manner dissipated. The need to say fuck it and hold her in my arms and tell her it would be all right.
But I couldn’t.
I slid my hand down the smooth surface of the doorframe, one I’d put up myself. Every inch of this place was done with my own hands. Took me ten years. Georgie and Tanner thought I went on missions when I disappeared, and I did, but I also came here.