I was leaning over the sink scrubbing the frying pan when I felt him behind me. Then his hands rested on my hips and I closed my eyes as the feel of him sunk into me. My heart pounded and shivers tickled my skin like the tip of a feather.
His breath swept over the right side of my neck as he spoke, “He asked me to protect you and …”
I knew exactly who he was talking about—my brother.
“I finished up my two years with JTF2 after he died. The missions … they helped me grieve. They eased the rage threatening to drive me over the edge. I got out as soon as they let me.”
He leaned in closer so his thighs were up against me. “Connor also made me promise to never touch you. His exact words, ‘Hands off my little sister. Don’t date her, kiss her, and sure as fuck don’t fuck her’.”
My breath hitched and I dropped the frying pan into the sink, the water still running.
“He knew I felt something for you.” Oh, God, tears filled my eyes. “Connor wanted a guy for you who didn’t have a high probability of dying. I kill for a living. I don’t have a family. And I most likely will die on one of these missions.”
A tear slipped from its confines. “Deck.” My voice quaked, “I’d rather have you for a day than never have you at all.”
He spun me around. “He’s right, Georgie. I’m not what you need.”
“You don’t know what I need, damn it.” I hadn’t meant to shout, but I was falling over the edge with no way back up. I was the one who had it bad for Deck and I was going to hurt him if he knew the truth. My entire life was a lie. Except my love for Deck. That was never a lie.
He grabbed my forearms before I could place my hands on his chest. He scowled as he looked down at me. “Connor wanted better for you. I want better for you.”
I met his dark tormented eyes and said softly, “You’re my better, Deck.” Before he could respond, I ducked under his arm and I walked away.
He let me.I FELL ASLEEP in the lounge chair on the terrace overlooking the plunge pool, but when I woke in the morning, it was in Deck’s bed with my back against his chest, his hand beneath my shirt, fingers softly stroking my abdomen. I also noticed I had no jogging pants on, just panties, meaning he must have taken them off at some point. I felt the weight of his warm, hard thigh over the top of mine and his lips nuzzled into the crook of my neck.I’d never felt so complete as I did at that moment. This was how it was supposed to be. Ten years of never getting this because … because each of us lived by our word. Him to my brother. Me to … Him. But keeping my word was different than Deck, I was forced to.
And now … I had to tell him something. Deck wouldn’t have it any other way, and God, I wanted to tell him every single thing, but … I couldn’t lose him. But how couldn’t I? He’d figure it out anyway and then … I didn’t want to think about Deck ever being killed especially because of me.
He already knew I wasn’t an alcoholic but the rest … Deck was unpredictable and I had no idea how he was going to react. It terrified me to think I’d never have this again. That this moment was going to be lost to the lies. That he’d leave, but most of all, that he’d be hurt. And I did that to him. It would be my fault.
His arm tightened around my waist. “Your heart beats any faster, I’m taking you to the hospital.”
Of course it was. I could pretend with anyone—except Deck. Hence the drinking cover-story idea. If I was drunk or pretended to be drunk, then it relieved some of the pressure of Deck finding out what I did for him.
Everything had changed. I had nothing to latch onto, to pull me from the inevitable despair that was coming.
“Need answers, babe,” he whispered, his graveled morning voice vibrating against my neck.
I was sure this was some kind of tactic. Have me in bed in his arms all groggy and snuggled into him. Shit, it was a damn good tactic.
“Yeah. I … I don’t want you to get hurt.” In more ways than one. Emotionally because of the lies and physically because he made the rules damn clear.
“I’m pretty fuckin’ tough.”
I did a half-laugh and he tightened his hold on me. Who would’ve thought Deck could be sweet, but he kissed the top of my head then gently caressed my abdomen while his other hand slowly stroked my hair. Calm. Serenity. It was not what I had in my life.