I wasn’t really certain because I’d asked that very question to Kai and he said we had to find Robbie first. “I don’t know.”
“Yeah, because he doesn’t want you to know.”
“Kai doesn’t share much with us.”
“Us? How many people work for him?”
I shrugged, because I honestly didn’t know. “Tanner and I are all I know about. But I suspect he has others elsewhere. He doesn’t stay put for very long, and sometimes I won’t hear from him for months. When he was looking for London, he was gone a few months. I thought he was dead.”
“And the drinking?”
“Kai thought I needed a cover … ” I took a deep breath. “It kept you focused on my drinking and partying rather than what I was doing with the assignments. My targets.”
“Jesus Christ. I’ll fuckin’ kill that bastard.”
“He never forced me. I made the choice.”
“If I hadn’t fucked off, it would’ve never happened. None of it.”
Probably not, but … “You didn’t fuck off. You went back to your team, Deck.” But two years was a long time and by then, I was so immersed with Kai that even when Deck came back, I knew stopping was impossible. This was exactly how I knew he’d react. He’d want to go after Robbie, Kai. And then what? Kai would kill him like he had always threatened to do. I wasn’t ignorant to the fact Deck was capable of looking after himself, but there was no way in hell I’d ever chance losing him to something I could’ve prevented.
All the years I tried to avoid this very outcome, and it happened anyway. Except something had changed. Kai didn’t want to kill Deck. Why? What did Kai want?
I said quietly, “I need Kai.”
His eyes darkened as he glared at me. “Tell me I didn’t just hear you say you need Kai.”
“You heard me just fine. And you know what I mean.” Needing Kai had nothing to do with anything other than finding Robbie and stopping him from hurting others.
I’d never give up, no matter how long it took. The sick bastard had to be found. There was a reason he was hiding. No chance was he some upstanding citizen, and if by some miracle he was … well, then I was going to be there to see it for myself.
“I can’t believe you even said that after I fucked you.” I did smile a little because Deck was acting jealous. “Georgie … this isn’t a game. Kai doesn’t give a shit about anyone, even himself. You don’t fuckin’ need him.”
I sat up, putting my legs over the side of the bed. “He’s been searching for him for years Deck. I know you have contacts and can look for Robbie too, but Kai will do what needs to be done.” Kai will kill Robbie.
“And I won’t? That’s my fuckin’ job.”
“No, Deck. That’s not it.” Well, it was in that I didn’t want any of this on Deck.
He turned and walked into the bathroom and I heard him smashing a drawer shut then the shower door slamming—violently. When he came back out, his face was shielded with a cold mask of darkness. He was going dark on me.
“You’re not being tainted with this shit anymore. Whatever needs to be done, I’ll deal with it.” He paced and ran his hand through his hair. I’d never seen Deck so disturbed. He was rock solid … he was my solid, and I didn’t like that I made him this way.
“Deck.” God, I did this.
“My fuckin’ girl is not going near any men who put cuts on her back.”
I sighed then slid off the bed and came toward him. He ignored me. I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind and lay my head on his back. “I love you calling me your girl.” I felt the stiffness leave his body as if he was sinking into me. He was trying to protect me where he thought he failed. “No matter what I did, you never left me. You protected me and put up with all my bullshit. Even now … the lies … you didn’t leave me. You never failed me, Deck. You’ve saved me again and again. Please, let me try to keep you safe from this.”
He was quiet, but even my words didn’t take the tension in him away.
“Where’s Kai? I’ve called and he won’t pick up.”
I sighed. He obviously didn’t want to talk about it. “He changes phones constantly except for the number I have.” Kai was always the one to call people.
I slipped away from him, walked over to the nightstand and picked up my cell. I entered the password and then another to get to Kai’s number. I pressed call. When Kai answered, he wasn’t his usual charming self; he was the hard, cold bastard who had demons in his past. I didn’t even have to say anything before Kai told me to pass the phone to Deck. I did.