Her eyes widened. She turned to face the chest. “You know, I can’t. I hadn’t thought about that.”
“You need one where you can use all the space. You couldn’t even find the baby powder if it got pushed to the back on this one.”
“You’re right. I guess now that I’m in the baby mood I’m getting in a panic to buy, afraid that time is running out. That I won’t get it all done.”
“We have all day. You have more places on your list, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Then let’s go see what they have. Maybe we can find just the right one.”
He offered his hand.
She looked at it for a moment and then placed hers in his. Her fingers were soft and cool. He closed his around them. It was as if they had chosen to face a problem together and see it overcome. Somehow this relationship had gone from less about getting a piece of furniture to having an emotional attachment. He didn’t release her hand when she gave his a nudge.
Together, side by side this time, they walked back to the truck.
They visited two more places and didn’t find what Phoebe was looking for.
“I don’t know about you but I need something to eat,” Ryan said, when he saw a sign for a café and ice-cream parlor.
“I am, too, but we might miss out on my chest.”
“Then there’ll be another one.”
“Okay,” Phoebe said, but her heart didn’t sound like it was in it.
He pulled into a drive much like the one at the first house they had visited. As he came to the end of it he found a house with a restaurant attached to the back. “Come on. We’ll have a sandwich, maybe some ice cream and plan our attack. Bring the paper and the map.”
She didn’t argue and had them in her hand when he came around the truck to meet her.
Ryan held the door for her to enter the café, then directed her to one of the small square tables in the room. Phoebe took a seat in one of the wooden chairs. He sat beside her.
She looked around the space. “I like this. It’s my style.”
“It does look like your type of decor.”
The tables were covered in floral-print cloths. The chairs were mismatched, like hers.
A young man brought them a menu. He and Phoebe studied it for a moment.
“What’re you going to have?” Ryan laid the menu on the table.
“A ham sandwich and lemonade.”
“I think I’ll have the same.”
The waiter returned and Ryan gave him their order. When they were alone again, Ryan said, “Hand me that map, then read out the places you want to visit.”
Phoebe did as he asked and he circled the places on the map. “Okay, is that it?”
“Yes.”
“All right. Show me on the map your first and second, then third choice.”
Phoebe pointed them out. He drew a line from one to the other to the other. “This is our game plan. We’ll visit these. If we don’t find what you want today, then we’ll try again next weekend or whenever we can. Agreed?”
“Agreed.”
The waiter brought their meals.
“Now let’s eat. I’m starved.”
She smiled. “You’re always hungry.”
Her soft chuckle made his heart catch. He was becoming hungry for more time with her.
Phoebe had always enjoyed junking but never as much as she had today. It turned out that Ryan was not only efficient but also a fun person to have around. She hadn’t smiled or laughed as much as she had in the last few weeks. She’d almost forgotten what it was like to have a companion or to just appreciate male company.
Even so, there seemed to be a part of Ryan that he kept to himself. Something locked up that he wouldn’t or couldn’t share with the world or her.
After they had finished their lunch they climbed back into the truck and headed down the road. This time Ryan was not only driving but navigating as well. It didn’t take them long to reach their first stop.
“It looks like they have a lot of furniture,” Ryan said as they walked toward a shed.
“Maybe they’ll have just the right thing.”
A man met them at the shed door but let them wander around and look in peace.
Phoebe had been studying a chest. She turned to speak to Ryan but found he was in another area, looking at a rocker. “What have you found?”
She joined him and watched as he lovingly ran a hand down the arm of the chair. Now that she was closer she could tell it sat lopsided. There was a rocker missing.
“There was a woman who lived next to my foster-family who had a rocker like this. She and only she sat in it. She said it was the best seat in the house.”
“She was nice to you.”
“Yeah. Her house was where I would go if things got too hard for me at the Henrys’.” She could only imagine the little boy who had needed someone on his side. “It’s beautiful. I like that high-back style. Gives you someplace to lean your head.”
Ryan moved another chair and a small table so that he could pull the rocker out. When he had plenty of space he tipped it over.
Phoebe admired the careful way he took in handling it. Despite his size, he was a gentle man.
“I think I can fix this. The structure is sound. All that’s missing is the one rocker. Would you like to have it for the baby’s room? I can fix it. You can paint it or I’ll stain it.”
“You don’t need to buy me anything.”
He looked at her. “I wasn’t buying you anything. I was getting something for the baby.”
Before she could argue that it was the same thing, he walked away and had soon agreed a price with the owner.
She didn’t find a chest of drawers there but they left with the rocker tied down in the back of the truck. At the next place she found nothing she liked.
As Ryan drove away she looked out the window. “I don’t think we’re going to find what I need today.”
“Don’t give up yet. We still have one more place on our list.”
She studied his strong profile for a minute. He had a long jaw that spoke of determination but there were small laugh lines around his eyes. His forehead was high and a lock of hair had fallen across it as if to rebel against control. Much like the man himself.
“Do you always approach everything you do with such determination?”
“I guess old habits die hard. Being in the service will do that to you.”
“Tell me what it was like being in the service. Joshua would never talk about it. He always said he didn’t want me to worry.”
This was the last subject Ryan wished to discuss. He wanted those days long gone and forgotten. Without his heart in it, he asked, “What do you want to know?”
“Was it as bad as the news makes it out to be?”
“Worse.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s war. Few people understand. War is never pretty. It’s all death and destruction. Until you have looked into someone’s eyes and watched life leave them, no one can ever grasp that.”
“That happened to you?”
His glance held disbelief. “Yeah, more than once.”
At her gasp he couldn’t decide if he was pleased he’d shocked her or disgusted with himself for doing so. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it like that.”
“Yes, you should have. You have experienced horrible, unspeakable things while I’ve been here safe in my home.” A second later she asked, “How did you deal with it?”
Ryan gripped the steering wheel and kept his eyes on the road. He wasn’t sure he had or was. “I did what I had to and tried not to think about how lives were being shattered.”
She laid a hand on his shoulder. Even that small gesture eased the flames of painful memories. Suddenly he wanted her to understand. “There was this one guy in my unit who had lost half his face. He cried and he kept repeating ‘I’m going to scare my kids, I’m going to scare my kids.’ How do you reassure someone in that kind of shape
that he won’t?”
As if a dam had broken he couldn’t stop talking. “There was another guy who had tried to kill himself because he’d received a Dear John letter. We were in a war zone and we had our own guys trying to kill themselves.”
“That had to be hard to deal with.”
“Yeah, more than anyone should have to deal with. We lived in metal shipping containers that had been divided into two small rooms by thin wooden walls. We showered in bath houses, ate in the same mess hall. It’s hard not to get involved in each other’s lives.”
“I imagine you do.”
“Even though we had R and R time, you never truly got away from it. We could go to the rec building, call our families or use the internet, but the minute we stepped out of the building the fence and sentries told us we weren’t at home.”
He’d confessed more than he’d ever told anyone about his time in the service. Had he terrified her? He glanced her direction. A single tear rested on her cheek.
His hand found hers. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you all that.”
“I’m glad you did. This baby deserves to know about his daddy and what he did. What life was like for him before he died. Thank you for telling me.”
Ryan went back to looking at the road. “Joshua was a strong leader. I saw more than one man panic in the kind of situation we were in in that village. He held it together. Because of him I’m alive and so are a lot of other men. You can tell the baby that his father was a good soldier and a hero.”
It was a relief to see the turnoff to their next stop. The conversation had gone in a direction he’d not expected or really wanted to continue. He made the turn into the road leading to the farmhouse. He released Phoebe’s hand. The feeling of loss was immediate. “I have a good feeling about this place.”
“I hope you’re right.”
Phoebe’s voice held a sad note that he’d like to have disappear. He hadn’t intended to bring what had been a nice day to a standstill. Even so, he had to admit it was a relief to get some of what he felt about the war off his chest. He’d carried that heaviness too long. It was strange that Phoebe, the wife of an army buddy, was the one person he had felt comfortable enough with to do so. He had never even told his coworkers as much as he’d just told Phoebe.
The house they were looking for came into view. He pulled to a stop in the drive.