Searching for Someday (Searching For 1)

"I was your first lover. You waited this long for a reason. Why me?"

She prayed for the floor to swallow her up whole but knew she was stuck. Hmm, was this the time to tell him she had a special touch and never felt a connection with another man? Or should she confess her witchlike gene's disappearance and her plan to sleep with him to gain it back? Somehow, neither option seemed viable, so she cocked her head and lied again. "I've been busy. Never got around to it."

He emitted a vicious curse. "I hurt you. If I had known, I would've been gentler, more considerate. I would've seduced you and made sure you were ready. Did I bruise you, too?"

Kate let out a laugh. "You gave me multiple orgasms and never hurt me. Honestly, this whole martyr routine is embarrassing. Can we drop the subject, please? I'll make us some breakfast."

She tried to move past him, but his arm snaked out and gripped her upper arm. Tingles immediately crackled to life, and he stared at their joined flesh as if just figuring something out. "Have you ever felt this electricity before, Kate? To another man other than me?"

She stuck up her chin and hit him with her best shot. Screw this. Truth would be better and knock him back on his ass. "No. Maybe that's why I finally decided to do it with you. I have no regrets about what happened last night. Do you?"

He jerked back and nausea hit. Dear God, he regretted it. In the harsh morning light, knowing she was a virgin, he actually felt guilty. What was he so afraid of? Expectations of their relationship? Knowing he would always be her first? Or that he might actually feel something for her? Panic lit his eyes, and he suddenly looked at her not as a lover, but as more of a woman spinning her web to trap him. Kate fought the impulse to laugh in his face. Who would've thought an innocent virgin could scare the big bad wolf?

"No. But we didn't talk about what last night was about. I don't know if--if you have ideas about us. What do you want?"

The joy from last night drained out of her. Kate stared at the man she'd given everything to, who now resembled a stranger, hopping from foot to foot in an effort not to shoot out the door. "I want nothing," she said woodenly. "Last night I wanted sex. With you. This morning, I want to get back to our original agreement and business relationship."

"Forget we slept together? You give me your virginity and now want to pretend it never happened?"

Kate forced herself to shrug. "It wasn't a gift, Slade, it just was. We've already agreed that a long-term relationship won't work for us. We got it out of our system, so let's move on."

Relief carved out the lines of his face. Her heart shattered into tiny pieces and it hurt to breathe, but damned if she'd let him see an ounce of her pain. Slade Montgomery didn't believe in anything she needed, and pretending they could be something more than one night would only prolong the torture. She reached deep for calm, knowing it was the only way to end this now.

"I don't want to hurt you," he gritted out. His hands trembled as he pushed his fingers through his hair, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else. "I'm not built for forever. At least, not with someone who thinks love is a fairy tale and we'll live happily ever after. You haven't seen the things I have, the truth of what so-called love does to people. There is no forever!"

The hurt rose up in waves and drowned her. Kate dug her nails in her palms and took it all. How stupid. He'd stated his openness toward love, but he was only playing a game. Thinking he could find a woman who believed in companionship, a woman with no expectations or silly ideas. A woman who would never be her.

"You're wrong, counselor," she said softly. "I'm not looking for forever. But I am looking for someday. I think I deserve that."

He flinched. "I'm sorry. I'm--"

"No. Right now, I think it's better if you leave. And no worries. If I believe there was anything more than great sex, I'll remember the advice a very smart man once told me." Her eyes burned bright and hard. "It's just the oxytocin. Nothing more. Nothing less."

This time when she passed, he let her go. She busied herself in the kitchen and ignored him when he stopped at the counter. Kate concentrated on whipping eggs and preparing French toast, praying he wouldn't test her or touch her. After a few moments, the door closed behind her without a word.

She surrendered the spoon, slumped against the granite island, and allowed herself to mourn something she never had in the first place.

KATE LOOKED AT THE mansion in front of her as Genevieve drove up the winding driveway. She almost canceled the outing, but guilt over missing out on Gen's family party drove her to try to be social. Besides, she barely saw her best friend anymore and was looking forward to an afternoon of fun.

"I never thought I'd be so depressed after sex."

Gen cut the engine and shook her head. "Let's look on the bright side. You had plenty of orgasms, and usually the first time you get a big fat zero. You found out his true character before you can get more involved. And you probably got your touch back, which is a boon for business."

Kate laughed. "Leave it to you to look on the bright side. I guess you're right. I'm giving him over to Kennedy for future dates so I won't have to really see him anymore. I'll get over it."

"You know what Ken says. The fastest way over a man is under a new one."

Kate rolled her eyes and opened the door. "No thanks. I think my remote and Robert are enough for me for a while."

They made their way up to the sprawling villa, a mass of brick and stone rising three stories in the air. Multiple balconies looked out over lush gardens and wooded paths, and shouts of laughter echoed in the air. When Kate met Gen at college, she'd immediately been welcomed into the family fold--a close-knit Italian group who hosted Friday and Sunday dinners and fed their guests heartily while they were on a shoestring budget.

"How old are the twins now?" Kate asked, hoisting up the big racetrack gaily wrapped with dinosaur paper.

"Six. Everyone should be there. Maggie and Michael said they wanted a jungle party, so who knows what to expect. Uh-oh, here comes Lily."

Kate laughed as Gen's niece caught sight of them, squealed, and tore down the gleaming parquet floors and into her aunt's arms.

"You look so beautiful! Did Aunt Maggie give you that outfit?" Maggie was Gen's older sister Alexa's longtime best friend, and had taken it upon herself to make Lily the trendiest youngster around. Lily hugged her tight, grinned with pride, and gave a full twirl in her chic denim dress with hot pink ankle boots. "Daddy said the other dress was too weird." Lily wrinkled her pert nose, her corkscrew inky curls so like her mother's own unruly hair. "He told Maggie to take it down a notch. Then Maggie stuck her tongue out at him when he left and Mommy told them to stop acting like babies because there were already too many children to begin with."

Gen laughed and tugged on a wayward curl. "Where's your sister?"

"Maria is following Luke and Ethan around. I think she wants to marry Luke."

"Cousins don't marry, honey, but that's okay for now. Let her torture him a bit. Luke needs a bit of his own medicine."

"Yeah, Luke already spilled the punch when he climbed the tree and tried to see if he can jump into the bowl like he saw on the cartoons. Uncle Michael put him in time-out, and Maria said she'd sit with him and keep him company."

Kate bit her lip at the image. "We'll be right out, honey, we're just going to say hi to everyone first."

"K!"

Lily ran out, and they weaved their way through the elaborate rooms, decorated in bright blues and greens. The jungle theme showed the boys' obsession with animals, and a variety of stuffed monkeys, tigers, and zebras jumped from corners amid piles of wrapped presents with brightly colored bows. They stopped and chatted with guests along the way and finally hit the main destination.

The bar.

"Ah, my favorite girls are finally here! Surgeon in training and matchmaker extraordinaire." Kate grinned. Nick, Alexa's husband, stood behind the bar and seemed pretty happy to be out of the backyard where all the action was occurring.

"Right now I think we're dying for a cosmo," Gen said. "Know how to make one?"

"The Sex and the City drink, right?"

Gen laughed. "Well, that's been off the air for a while, but we'll take it. Is everyone outside?"

"Yeah, it's a jungle out there. Literally. Michael and I fought over who would tend bar, but I won so I'm staying put. Where's David?"

"Coming later."

"Good." He winked at Kate. "How about you? Where's Robert? You could have brought him."

Kate wondered how her date always became her dog, but it was too sad to analyze. Especially after her night with Slade. "Shelly's taking him to the dog park today. I figured I'd be footloose and fancy-free."

"Sounds dangerous." He handed her a perfect pink drink and stuck in a yellow umbrella. "There you go, honey. Enjoy. Izzy's not here yet, hopefully later."

Gen's twin sister, Isabella, seemed to be going through a hard time. Gen used to be close to her, but lately Izzy's edgy temper and almost cruel sarcasm put a wedge between them. Sad, since Kate always wished to have a sister of her own. She knew it bothered Gen a lot, and she hoped time would soften some of the wounds that opened between them.

They threaded their way to the back deck and stopped cold. "Wow, Gen. Now this is what I call a kids' party."

Tables and chairs were laid out among dozens of play stations, small fenced-in areas with different activities for the kids. Puzzles, toys, and a small petting zoo boasting furry animals to be fed with baby bottles. An elaborate vine was tied between two trees to give a mini zip line effect, and a worker helped kids take turns getting strapped into the seat and taking a slide from one trunk to another. A huge pushcart with peanuts, popcorn, and cotton candy served swarming children, and a giant circus truck was parked a mile away on the lawn. Kate squinted and peered across the lawn. Was that an elephant?

"You're here!"

Alexa enveloped them in a warm hug. Gen's older sister was beautiful, with her black corkscrew curls, bright blue eyes, and curvy figure. Her kindness and humor radiated in waves, and Kate loved being around her. "Umm, Al, is that an elephant?" Gen asked.

Alexa gave a deep sigh. "Yep. But don't worry, there's no abuse going on. I investigated this before I let Maggie go with the idea. His name is Sam and he's from a rescue camp for elephants retired from the circus. It's only for two hours, and he's well taken care of. The petting zoo is fine, too. I thoroughly checked out the owner and she's from an organic farm in Wallkill that educates children on the proper way to treat animals."