Searching for Someday (Searching For 1) - Page 49

He nodded. "Come inside."

They climbed the steps and entered his apartment. The silence of the empty rooms pulsed with a hunger for noise and laughter and mess. Why hadn't she seen this before? The way he controlled his life and kept people at a safe distance so he'd never be tempted to fail? Just like her.

"Can I get you something to drink? Eat?"

"No."

"Do you want to sit down? I'm sorry I'm late, I had a court date."

"I love you."

He stiffened. Ah, crap, leave it to her to blurt something out with no finesse. She completely sucked at good love confessions so she'd better backtrack. Was that horror, shock, or pleasure on his face? He looked as if he'd gotten hit over the head with a brick.

His voice broke. "Kate, I--"

"No, please listen to me first." She wiped her palms on her jeans and closed the distance between them. His delicious scent swamped her senses, spice and a hint of citrus. She curled her hands into tight fists to keep from reaching out. "I accused you of being a coward, but I'm the one who's been holding back. From the moment we touched, I sensed you were the man for me. But it's so much more than physical. I hid behind your conceptions of relationships and your refusal to believe we could work long-term. But I believe enough for both of us, Slade."

She surrendered to impulse and touched him. Her fingers closed over his shoulders. The heat pulsed and danced between them, confirming her heart's choice. "I want you to give us a chance. I've seen the man you are. How you protect and take care of your sister. Your gentleness with Robert. How you fight for your clients and try to make them hurt a little less. And the way you look at me when we make love." She stood on tiptoes and cupped his cheeks, staring into his beloved face. His green eyes swirled with desire, confusion, fear. "I love every damn part of you, your body and heart and soul. I love your mind and your stubbornness and your humor. Give us a chance to be more. Give me a chance to love you in the way you deserve."

She didn't hesitate, just pulled his head down to hers and kissed him with all her pent-up longing and emotion. He groaned and opened his lips, his tongue sweeping inside and drinking deeply. He kissed her for a long time, conquering every part of her mouth until there was nothing left to give. When he ripped his mouth from hers, a mad light gleamed in his eyes.

A joyous laugh broke from her chest. She had won. He was hers.

Kate reached up for more, but he staggered back. Stark regret carved out the lines of his face, even as she noted his full erection and the hot need in his gaze. "I can't, Kate. Dear God, I can't do this to you, won't hurt you and break your heart. I love you too, I do, but I can't follow this road. Eventually, we'll hurt each other, and I'd rather die."

Red-hot anger misted her vision. She trembled with a rage of emotion. "You'll deny both of us our happiness for a future we know nothing about? What about the relationships that do work? Don't you want to take the chance on us? The chance to be a family and wake up in each other's arms every morning? Or are you afraid to settle with me in case there's a better option later?"

He snapped his jaw closed. "Don't. That has nothing to do with it. I'm crazy about you. Since the moment we met I've been trying to catch up and I've never felt like this before."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"Because you want everything!"

She sucked in her breath. He jerked back, pushing his hand through his hair. The silence squeezed with merciless tension, and Kate finally realized she had come here to win, but he had already made his choice. Raw pain rose from her gut and choked, but she managed to wrestle out her last words.

"You're right. I do want everything. I'm sorry that's too much to ask, but I believe we're both worth it. I'm sorry you don't."

"Kate."

Her name was a good-bye, a plea, a prayer. Her eyes were bone dry as she stared at him. "Good-bye, Slade."

This time he didn't stop her. She walked out of his apartment for the last time and knew he had chosen.

fifteen

YOU OKAY?"

Kate forced a smile and looked up as Kennedy strolled into her office. "Sure. Is Jane coming in today?"

"Should be here in a minute. She's ready to go back out there, so I wanted to sit down with her for a one-on-one. Too bad Brian ended up being a jerk."

"Yeah, occupational hazard, I guess. Still, I'm proud of her. She seems much stronger in who she is and didn't let this affect her inner core."

"I had good teachers."

Kate laughed as Jane appeared behind Ken and gave her a hug. Jane had definitely blossomed. She accepted the breakup and her emotions, and healed. Now she was excited about the possibility of a new journey, and this time Ken would probably screen even more carefully.

"How are you, Kate?" Jane asked.

"Fine."

The two women shared a look. Kate fought a sigh. She'd been asked that question every day for the past two weeks and her answer never changed. Still, her friends knew it was a big, fat lie. Since that day she lost Slade, she walked around empty, caught between massive pain and a strange numbness. She buried herself in work, stayed home with Robert, and tried to believe it would get better. Someday.

Jane had become a close friend of the group and now joined them for Friday nights at Mugs. Kate was glad she never mentioned her brother or asked any questions. "Anyone want to catch a drink after work today?" Jane asked. "I finished my research paper and would love to celebrate."

Ken gave a whoop. "You go, girl. Of course we'll go. But first come into my chamber so we can go over a few things. I think I have a great guy fo

r you to meet."

Their heels clicked down the hallway, and Kate stared at the stack of folders on her desk. Funny, the last few months her client list had almost doubled. The expo probably helped, and everyone had adjusted well to double their efforts now that she had lost her gift. Not that she tried it out anymore; most of her time was spent with Robert and the television.

She wondered if Slade missed her. Wondered if he got the partnership. Wondered if he ever thought of calling her or had already moved on.

The bell tinkled and there was a knock on her door. She smiled as Tim peeked in. "Hey, Kate, do you have a minute for me?"

"Of course." She waved him in. "How did Friday night's date go?"

Tim sat in the chair and shrugged. He was one of her favorite clients and really wished she'd be able to match him correctly. Slightly overweight, he had gorgeous golden eyes and thick brown hair, and his wicked sense of humor always made her laugh. He wasn't flashy, or broody, or a bad boy. He was just literally nice, with a great personality. Time to work harder.

"She was sweet, but I don't think we were a good fit. She's a gym rat, and though we had a great conversation, I kind of caught her looking at the hot waiter."

Kate shook her head, remembering her own date from hell that she'd hooked up with the busboy. "Sometimes this sucks, huh? But don't quit on me, Tim. I think I have a better idea of who to match you with."

"I'm no quitter. Hey, at least I get to date a bunch of cool women and eat out. My television remote was getting too much of a workout before I came to Kinnections."

Point taken.

The door flung open. "Kate, I'm headed out. I'll see you at Mugs--oh, I'm sorry to interrupt." Jane smiled at Tim. "Hi, Tim, good to see you again."

Tim grinned. "You too. Getting hooked up again?"

Jane laughed. "I guess we're two peas in a pod, huh?"

Kate rose from the chair and her friend walked into the room. "Did Ken take care of you?"

"Yep. We may try a mixer. I may be ready."

"Sounds good."

Tim stood and paused in front of her. "I'm sorry the last guy didn't work out for you," he said. He stared at her hard, a smile curving his lips. "He must've been stupid."

"Aww, thanks. Same with you, not sure why you'd be in here again."

Tags: Jennifer Probst Searching For Romance
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