He brings his mouth down, nips at my earlobe and says in a voice so low, I can barely hear it, "You don't know how bad I want inside you right now."
A bolt of the purest lust fissures through me and I can't help the strange and warbled sound that comes out of my throat. I surrender completely by letting my head fall back onto his shoulder.
"But first, we need to talk."
What? Huh? What?
Nix releases me and pulls me to the bed as I try to shake off the lust-induced fog. He sits on the edge and pulls me to stand between his legs. His hands rest gently at my hips and I feel awkward as hell.
Looking up at me, he asks, "Do you really want to do this, Emily?" His voice is gentle, worried.
I nod my head. I have no clue why he's asking but there isn't a doubt in my mind.
"I need to make sure we are on the same page. I'm worried that you'll get hurt and even though I'm an ass to you most of the time, I really don't want to harm you."
My heart melts over his words but they aren't necessary. I think I understand where he is coming from. "I'm good, Nix. Really."
"Tell me what you expect of me?"
"What? Nothing...I don't expect anything. I swear."
He shakes his head at me. "Wrong answer. Any two people, no matter the level of interaction, will always have expectations of each other. You have to want something."
That makes sense, I suppose. I think about it for a minute. I don't have any fairytale ideas about Nix, or aspirations that we will have a happy, long lasting relationship. But there is something...
"I need you to promise you'll be monogamous...as long as you're having sex with me, that is."
He doesn't hesitate at all. "Done. Anything else?"
I shake my head as I raise my hands to his shoulders. I want to lean in and press up against him but he holds my body firmly in place.
"My turn. You need to know my expectations, too."
Well, hell. I thought I knew what they were. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am!
"Okay. Shoot."
Nix takes a deep breath. "I'm not relationship material, Emily. I just don't have it in me to care about someone like that. You cannot expect anything like that from me."
I knew this. I knew this going in and it still hurts just a little. But I'd already made my choice and I wasn't going to change. I want Nix too much.
"But," he continues. "I promise that I will cherish you when we are intimate, and I won't intentionally hurt you."
I give him a small smile and nod my head again.
"Are you still okay with this?" he asks.
"Yes. I'm fine with everything. I know what to expect."
He releases his hands from my hips and I don't like the sudden loss of warmth.
"Good. Now...I want you to stand back a few feet."
I take two steps back, never thinking to question his command.
Nix leans back onto his elbows and watches me like a starved man. "Now...take off your clothes for me, Em. And do it slowly."
CHAPTER 20
Emily
Oh My God. This is way out of my league.
I want to fly out of the room because I'm achingly nervous but I want Nix more so I hold my ground. The timber of his voice is like rough bark on a tree, deliciously grating on every exposed nerve. The look in his eyes is so sensual it makes me want to get on all fours and submit my neck to him.
On their own accord, my hands grab the hem of my jersey and pull it over my head. I'm wearing a long sleeved, white t-shirt below but I leave it on for now. Bending one knee to the ground, I quickly remove my shoes and socks. When I stand back up, I look at Nix and his position on the bed hasn't changed. He's watching me quietly...waiting. His only movement is his chest moving shallowly and his thick lashes blinking around those jade eyes.
I press forward, dispensing with my t-shirt quick enough and let my jeans follow. Standing before him, I wait to see what he does. Now that my main clothes are off, I really don't feel so self-conscious. Luckily, I'm wearing some of my nicer lingerie and the simple white, lace bra and bikini underwear set shines bright against my skin.
Nix leisurely runs his gaze down my body, then moves slowly up again. I'm holding all of my breath in and I know I should release it before I pass out. I wait for further instructions and I don't wait long.
When Nix meets my eyes again, he says, "All of it, Emily. Slower."
I think I might just incinerate right now. I didn't think Nix would be in for a slow seduction but clearly the man has skills I didn't think were possible. And he hasn't even touched me yet.
I reach behind my back to unclasp my bra. Hunching my shoulders slightly forward, I let it slide down my arms, and drop it carelessly to the ground. Nix doesn't watch it fall and I almost groan when I see him lick his lips while he caresses my breasts with his eyes. My nipples harden almost painfully under his scrutiny.
Then his eyes travel down and he just stares at me. Without moving his gaze, he orders me, "Your panties, Emily. I need to see all of you."
My heart is pounding so hard, I'm sure Nix can hear it. Hooking my thumbs into my underwear, I push them slowly down my thighs until they just slide off. I step out of them and kick them to the side.
Now I'm self-conscious again, standing there totally naked, while Nix just peruses my body. I've never done this before, put my body under such bold examination.
"Come here," he says thickly. The way he is watching me...he's hungering and it makes me realize I have never known true passion before.
I walk to stand between his legs and he sits up on the bed. Leaning forward, he brings his hands to my hips while placing a gentle kiss on my stomach. My entire body trembles from the pleasure of that small touch and my arms glide to his shoulders. His skin is hot and I luxuriate in the burn.
Nix moves his mouth up my stomach. After placing a warm kiss in the center of my chest, he turns his face and rubs his cheek against me. My hands come up to his head and I lace my fingers through his hair. I don't have to wait long before Nix brings his lips to my breast. So hot, so wet. He kisses and sucks at my nipples, paying both equal attention with his tongue and teeth. He takes his time, he savors. He doesn't seem to be in a rush. I, however, feel like I'm going to explode from the incendiary contact of his mouth on me.
Pulling back slightly, Nix looks up at me while his thumbs smooth back and forth over my hips. "You're so fucking beautiful. The most beautiful..." But he trails off, as if the power of his own words scare him.
My heart dissolves into a puddle of emotion over his words and I lean in slightly to kiss him. He shakes his head and stands up from the bed. Taking a step back, I watch as he takes his shoes and socks off, his gaze never leaving mine.
When he's done he says, "Undress me, Emily."
I don't think twice about his order.
And it is an order.
Reaching out with shaky hands, I lift his t-shirt up and over his head. Up close, the blinded skull look even more terrifying but I don't want be scared of it. I don't want to be scared of anything that Nix presents to me.
I try to read the words on the scroll that floats down his ribs. I only catch brief snippets as I reach down to the fly of his jeans.
For quiet times disappear...
The way is not in the sky...
Don't let your ears refuse to hear...
The words have no clear meaning to me but they are beautiful. They are at complete odds with the skull. If I get an opportunity, I want to make a study of Nix's body, which will include all the words he finds so important to permanently ink them on his skin.
I glance up at him briefly to see the purest desire etched in his face and then lower my eyes again to watch my hands make their progress.
Popping the top button, I ease his zipper down. He takes in a sharp breath as my knuckles make soft contact with the hard bulge that is outlined below.
Taking my hands, I place them on his stomach and then smooth them around to his back. Tucking my hands into the waistband of his boxer briefs, I glide my hands down over his ass, flexing my fingers as I go. Nix growls at my touch but follows up with a whispered, "Yes".
Emboldened, I slide my hands around to his hips and push his pants down, kneeling as I go until they reach his ankles. He lifts one leg, and then the other while I take his jeans completely off.