Off the Record (Off 3)

But damned if I can think of a thing to say. I swear I can hear crickets chirping in the distance, the silence is so oppressive.

Taking a shaky breath, I say, "Um...Mr. Caldwell...your son didn't do anything. I wrote an article before checking my facts and my anger. It's as simple as that."

Hank chuckles. "Oh, darlin'. We all do things when we're angry. It takes a strong person to admit when they're wrong. That takes courage and I respect that."

His words are so very kind, and frankly, I didn't realize how much I needed them. The tension in my shoulders eases. I glance around the table again. Both Nix and Linc are smiling with good nature at me but Emily still looks like she has some poop rubbed under her nose.

I just don't get how Linc can so easily forgive me and how Nix and Hank seem to be fine with me, yet Emily is still holding a grudge. But I intend to find out before we leave.

And it's not long before I get my chance. Emily heads into the house to grab a few more beers. I follow right behind her, not saying a word as I get up from the table.

As soon as I corner her in the kitchen, I cut straight to the heart of the matter. "Is our friendship irrevocably broken?"

I catch her off guard and she turns to look at me. Her eyes are distant and that makes my heart sink just a bit. But then she surprises me. "Maybe if you told me why you did it, I'd have a better understanding."

Emily reaches into the fridge and pulls out two beers. She hands me one and I open it up to take a sip. Looking at her, I tell her the best way to sum up the reason for my actions. "Okay...here's the half empty. I think my father broke me. I think he fucked me up so bad that I take the slightest mistake by a man and blow it out of proportion. There's a good chance I'm so seriously fucked up that I'll never have a healthy relationship."

I watch as Emily's eyebrows rise higher and higher on her forehead while she listens to me. When I finish, she says, "Wow. That's a good reason."

I smirk at her but the truth is I just laid my heart out on the line. I don't talk about my father with anyone. I hold my beer up to her in mock salute. "Daddy issues are usually the best."

"Linc seems to have forgiven you."

"Yeah. He's a pretty great guy I've come to find out."

"I'm glad you're seeing that. It's why I was so mad at you."

"Was? As in past tense?"

"Yes. Past tense. I suppose I should forgive you, too. I don't want to be odd-man out."

I grab Emily in a hug. "Oh, thank God. I was afraid I'd have to do some serious groveling."

Emily hugs me back and then steps away. "So, what's going on between you and Linc?"

"What do you mean?"

Leaning back against the counter, Emily just looks at me with a knowing smile on her face. "Don't play dumb, Ever. There's something going on between you two. Linc keeps staring at you like you're an oasis in the desert and you keep doing the same. The problem is, neither one of you are noticing it about the other."

I groan. I can't believe I'm that obvious. And I can't believe I'm that oblivious. "I kissed him."

"You what?"

I groan again. "I kissed him. I totally came on to him, straddled his lap and kissed him."

"What did he do?"

"He kissed me back. And for a while, it was amazing. Frankly, the most amazing kiss I ever had. But then he pulled away and gave me a brotherly kiss on my forehead. We haven't spoken about it since."

"Hmmmm. That's odd."

"I know, right? I mean, isn't Linc legendary with the women?" I take a long drag on the beer. "I suppose I'm just not up to his standards or something."

"That's ridiculous, Ever. You're gorgeous and smart. Any guy would swallow their tongues to get a taste of you."

I smile at her. "That's sweet of you to say, but I'm not feeling it. I mean, what would you do if Nix pushed you away."

Emily is the one that smiles at me now, and her look is positively devious. "Oh, you poor girl. You shouldn't have asked me that. Nix did exactly the same thing to me. He was trying to be altruistic or some shit like that."

Really? That's interesting. "What did you do?"

"I came on to him hard. He didn't stand a chance."

"Are you suggesting I do the same thing?"

"Absolutely. If you want him, why not go for him."

I'm silent. There's no reason why I can't. I'm young and single. Marc was my first, and Linc probably won't be my last. But there is something that is holding me back.

"Here's the thing, Emily. I don't want a relationship. I'm done getting my heart trampled on. I think if I did anything with Linc, it would just be sex. Is that wrong of me?"

"Hell no. That's how it started with me and Nix. But you need to be careful. I know you think you both know what you want and what you don't want, but things tend to shift once you make it to the bedroom together."

"Well, that is if we make it to the bedroom together. I just don't think I can take the lead in this. I was too embarrassed when he pushed me away the last time."

"How about you just play it by ear and see how things unfold. But, Ever...please don't hurt him again. He doesn't deserve it."

I swallow hard, because I know that I do have the power to hurt Linc. I've already done it to some extent, just by the mere fact he didn't trust me

enough to tell me he was going to hang out with a sick little boy.

The more I think about that kiss...that freakingly extraordinary kiss...I can only conclude that I have not given Linc any real reason to trust me. If anything, he has all the reason in the world to distrust my every action.

Ever and I are driving through what is left of the town of Smithfield, Oklahoma. Ten days ago--and ironically on the day I met Ever at my party--an EF-5 tornado tore through and pretty much obliterated everything in its path.

"I can't believe we're here. This is just terrible." Her voice is delicate and awe struck.

The tornado had been a major news story because of its size and I knew that I would participate in the recovery at some point. I had been waiting until AmeriCorps started posting about volunteer opportunities, checking their website every day. Yesterday morning, they finally had a schedule of clean up recovery and were asking for people to sign up.

I didn't wake Ever up to run. Instead, I got on the phone and made plane and hotel reservations. I called two of my teammates, and asked if they wanted to go. They were up for the adventure and I gave them the hotel information. They said they would meet us there.

When Ever came out of her bedroom at about 8:00 a.m., she was rubbing her eyes and yawning. "How come you didn't wake me up to go running?"

"Because I didn't go run today. I decided to let you sleep in a bit."

"Oh...thanks."

"Don't thank me yet. I'm getting ready to put you to work. Go get packed. We're heading to Oklahoma in three hours."

"Excuse me?"

"We're going to go spend a few days helping to clean up from that tornado."

"Really?" Her voice is excited.

I smile at her. "Really. Now go pack. Make sure you take some long sleeve t-shirts and some jeans or other sturdy pants. Hiking boots if you have them. We'll get some safety goggles and gloves when we get there."

She scurried off to pack and I handled some last minute arrangements. As promised, within three hours we were airborne and headed to Oklahoma. We flew into Tulsa which is where we will be staying. Smithfield is about fifty miles away and we couldn't get a hotel anywhere nearer to the devastation. Most of the hotels were booked with other volunteers or recovery workers.