Off the Record (Off 3)

"But...Ever doesn't reciprocate those feelings."

"Oh, bullshit," she says.

Now I do choke. I can't believe this lovely, sweet, southern woman called "bullshit". After I finish hacking and take another sip of coffee, I have the nerve to say, "You think she does?"

Sam reaches over and lays her hand on top of mine. "I saw the way you two looked at each other last night when you got here. We were just standing around...talking...but the two of you kept stealing glances at each other. There's definitely something there. You at least have the grace to admit it."

Could Ever actually have feelings for me? I don't want to get my hopes up, but if anyone should know Ever's mind, it would be her mother.

I am lost in my thoughts but Sam brings me back to the present. "A mother doesn't want to see her daughter get hurt. Ever has been hurt enough."

Well...if I thought I had a champion in Sam Montgomery, that thought has been dispelled.

"I understand," I tell her. "I'd be protective of my daughter, too."

"Then you should understand that I want you to have the chance to hurt her."

"What?" What kind of mother wants that?

"Relax, Linc. While I like that protective instinct that just reared up, it's not needed. What I mean is...I would like Ever to take the risk of getting hurt. If she doesn't, she'll lose out on what could be a great opportunity for something real. Are you understanding me?"

Oh, I was picking up what she was putting down. It's the advice I would give to Ever if I thought she'd listen to me. That she has to take a risk that maybe we could have a real relationship. That while it is not my intention to hurt her, she has to take the chance to see if I would.

"Maybe you can impart that to Ever while we're here," I tell her. "I'm sure you have much more sway with her than I do."

Sam chuckles. "Oh, don't you worry about that. I would never miss such an opportunity."

I look in the full length mirror in my bedroom and assess my outfit. We are doing a low-key birthday celebration for my mom. I've cooked her favorite meal and made a birthday cake this afternoon.

The sundress I'm wearing is fine, but it's the dark circles under my eyes that give me pause. I didn't get hardly any sleep last night. I could kick myself for the weakness I showed. The overwhelming urge to be with Linc last night got the better of me, and I stole into his room to practically molest him.

And the funny thing is, I didn't really go in there for sex. I wanted to just crawl into bed and hold onto him. But when I opened the door, and saw him lying there...illuminated by the hallway light, I lost my nerve. I couldn't just crawl in bed and do something as sweet as lay in his arms. So instead, I turned it sexual because that is all I want this to be. Well, it's really all I can handle it being.

Don't get me wrong. The sex, as always, was phenomenal. And Linc held me tightly as he drifted off to sleep. But then I let prudence and my cold heart guide my actions. I slipped away and went back to my own bed. Where I laid awake, thinking about Linc. I finally fell asleep close to dawn.

Despite my lack of sleep, today has been wonderful. Linc went off to visit some buddies that play for the Carolina Hurricanes and mom and I went shopping together.

She looks fantastic...my mother. She's feeling healthy and her recent checkup with her oncologist went perfectly. And even as great as all of that is, I still walk around dreading that any day, the cancer could come back.

My mom at least had the fortitude to wait until lunch before she hit me up about Linc.

"I really like Linc a lot, Ever. Such a nice man."

"Mmmm. Hmmm," is all I said.

"He really seems to have his act together. And he's such a gentleman."

"Yup."

"He's really gorgeous, don't you think?"

Oh, God, mom...really? "Oh, I don't know. He's okay, I guess." Even though he's hotter than Adonis.

"Ever Montgomery, quit playing coy with me. I heard you go into his room last night. I saw the way you two look at each other. Now fess up. What is going on?"

My face turned as red as a beet. She knew I was in his room last night? Oh, the mortification. "I'm sorry, mom. We didn't mean to disrespect you or anything."

"Oh, stop it, Ever. You're an adult. Linc's an adult. I'm wise enough to know my baby girl isn't a virgin. You did live with Marc for almost a year."

I didn't even know what to say. The burn of embarrassment still flowed through my veins. But I did need my mother's advice, so I needed to push past that. She already knew we were sleeping together, so I might as well get some good mom thoughts on the issue.

I sighed dramatically, because the whole situation just seemed so overwhelming. "Mom...it's just sex. That's all it is. I mean...that's all it is for me. It's a bit more for Linc."

"I don't believe you, Ever. You have too much of a heart for it to just be sex."

I look into my mother's eyes. They are round and blue, like mine. They are also wise and full of sage wisdom, unlike mine. "I can't, mom. I can't let myself be hurt again."

"But what if you're hurting, Linc?"

"Then we have to part ways. I don't want to hurt him."

My mom smiles at me in a knowing way. She sees something but I'm not sure what. She decides to enlighten me. "There mere fact that you don't want to hurt Linc means you already care for him. You may say otherwise, but trust me, your heart is already involved."

Oh, God. I was so afraid of that. I mean, really afraid.

"I don't know if I can do this," I whispered.

"Baby...you can do

anything you set your mind to. I think the chance that you may have something really great is worth it."

And now, as I stand here looking at myself in the mirror, I have to make a decision. Do I continue down this path, and open up my heart to Linc? Maybe I can open it up just a bit, and see where it takes me. If I sense danger, I could always pull back, right?

I wish the decision were easy, but I don't have a sure feeling one way or the other. I sigh, and decide to leave this thought for another day.

Opening my bedroom door, I step out into the hallway at the same time Linc comes out of his room. He looks amazing. His hair is still wet from a shower. He's dressed up for my mom's birthday dinner, even though it will just be the three of us, and that action alone touches my heart. I can feel the ice starting to melt, dripping away.

I take two steps toward him and wrap my arms around his neck. His arms come around my waist and I realize that it feels good. Damn good.

"Hi," I say softly.

"Hi, yourself."

"You look great," I tell him.

"You look even better."

"How about a kiss to prove it," and I can't help the breathless tone to my voice.

Linc runs his thumb over my bottom lip before he leans down and takes my mouth. It is sweet, devoid of passion, and I find myself melting into it.

He pulls away and links his hand with mine. "Come on...let's go wish your mom a happy birthday."

You know how sometimes, things can be going so well, and you may not think you deserve that little sliver of happiness, yet you decide to bask in it all the same. And then, the bottom drops out on you and you didn't see it coming because you were sidetracked by that stupid, little sliver of happiness?

Well, that's happening to me right now.

Our birthday celebration with my mom was spectacular. She raved over the Chicken Marsala I made, and she and Linc had two slices of the chocolate cake I slaved over. Linc, so kind and thoughtful, had bought my mom a silver charm bracelet, and filled it with Duke Blue Devil charms. The mere fact that he remembered my mom was a Duke alumni caused my heart to thaw a little more.

We are all sitting around the dining room table, and Linc is holding my hand, and I am thinking that the moment is absolutely perfect, when I hear someone call from the front door. "Sammy...it's me...John."