"She's on hiatus from the band. I gave her two choices. She could enter rehab and get therapy, and if she stayed sober for a year, we would consider bringing her back. Or she could leave permanently."
"What did she choose?"
He shrugs his shoulders. "I'm not sure. None of us have heard from her. Daniel went by her apartment a few times, but she doesn't appear to be there."
"Are you worried about her?"
"Of course I am. I'll always worry about her and Father O'Grady would probably have a stroke to hear this, but I pray every night for her well-being and safety. I want her to be happy and healthy. But I can't give up my happiness for her. I can't let her take advantage. And I have to focus on my priority right now... which is you. It will always be you, Renner."
I want to launch myself into his arms, let him sink his tongue into me. I want to feel his warmth against me. But before I can even make a move, he sits up, facing me again.
"Renner... I don't know what you have planned for your life. The only thing I want is for you to plan for me to be in it. Sean once told me he would give up his music career for love. I thought he was certifiably crazy when he said that. But I get it now. I understand it deep in my bones. I'd give up everything I have just to be with you. Because I love you."
He takes a deep breath and looks up to the ceiling, as if trying to compose his next words. Then he returns his gaze to me and I want to get lost in his shadowy eyes. "I'm so fucking in love with you, it physically hurts that we're not together. I only want to exist with you. I think the only way I can exist is with you."
My heart nearly bursts over his words. "You love me?"
"Yes, cailin alainn. I love you. And what I'd love... is for you to be with me, wherever I go. I want you by my side. But if you don't think that living with a musician is your cup of tea, then I will give it all up. If you want me to get a regular job, and wear a monkey suit when I come home to you at night, I'll do that too. You just tell me... tell me and I'll do it."
Shaking my head at him, I bring my hands to his chest. "No, I'd never let you give up your music. I love you too much to ever let you do that."
A smile lights his face up, so bright it makes me smile back at him. "So you love me too, huh?"
Leaning forward I run my lips lightly over his and get a small measure of satisfaction when he groans from the touch. "Yes. More than I ever thought possible. It broke my heart to walk away from you and I've been swimming in misery since we've been apart. I will go wherever you go, if you'll have me."
Cillian pulls me into his arms and lets out a huge sigh of relief. He kisses me softly, murmuring against my lips, "My beautiful girl."
The sweetness of the moment is over when he pulls back and whips my shirt over my head. Pulling my hair back so my neck is exposed, he runs his tongue over my collarbone. "Do you love it when I do this?"
"Yes," I whisper, my hands curling around his neck.
He pulls the cup of my bra down, exposing my breast. He runs his tongue in a circle around my nipple, causing me to shudder. "And this?"
"Mmmm. Hmmm."
"Can we go ahead and get to the make-up sex now?"
"God yes, we can do that."
My need for him is great, and I expect him to rip the rest of my clothes off. But instead, he slowly strips me... taking his time. He runs his hands over every inch of my body, following along with his lips and tongue.
He uses words and touch, invoking the same feelings inside of me I had when I listened to his song. Cillian makes love to me with exquisite care, and as he moves inside of me, I can only think about how my life has come full circle.
I had an ideal I was striving for but with no clear direction. I stood on the edge of a precipice, not knowing what may lay below but unwilling to take the risk to find out. It was only when Cillian taught me to give up control that I realized I was missing something. We hit some bumps along the way, but he came through in the end. He gave me his love and I accepted.
And now I have found it... my ideal.
My ideal man, my ideal love, my ideal life.
We will be existing together.
EPILOGUE
Flynn
I have ideas about love.
Some from personal experience, but mostly from watching others.
First...there are my parents. They've been married for almost twenty-eight years and they still hold hands under the table. They don't think anyone notices, but I do. The touch is natural... one that exists after many years of sitting side-by-side with your best friend.
There's my Uncle Hank. With him, love came only once and has no physical existence, except for what remains in his heart.
My two knucklehead cousins, Nix and Linc. I love them beyond measure, but I never thought those two guys would be smart enough to figure it out. But they both fell hard and fast. In just a matter of a few months, Nix and Emily will tie the knot. They'll start making a new generation of Caldwells, which will make Uncle Hank happy and give him a new kind of love.
Linc will be there soon. He's grown a vagina as big as Cillian's, freaking out over how he'll propose to Ever. He wants to make it perfect for her and all I keep telling him is, "Dude, keep your head on straight... you have hockey games to win."
But I snicker to myself. It's kind of cool to see someone so madly in love that they only want to please their partner. That's Linc... he exists only for Ever.
And finally... my baby sister. I watch Renner now, sitting beside Cillian at my parents' dinner table. It's her farewell dinner because she's moving back to Dublin with him.