But I’m still an ass**le, and I’m sticking to it.
Any psychologist worth his merit would say I’m sabotaging this thing I have with Mac, because I’m too f**king scared to give in to it.
I’d have to agree.
I try one more time to get us back on track. Back to just sinful f**king and no questions. “I’m taking Lorraine out to dinner tonight. I can’t cancel. But then I’ll be over to your apartment after. ”
The minute the words are out of my mouth, I know they are not well received. Still, I’m a little surprised when she says, “Then I’m sorry, Matt. This freak of a f**k show is over. ”
“What?” I ask in confusion, because I thought we’d just fight some more, then maybe have great makeup sex. I mean, Mac likes it as much as I do.
“You heard me,” she says with finality. “I can’t do this anymore. If you want my resignation, you have it. Just let me know. If not, I’ll show up and do my job well. But as far as you and I are concerned… we’re done. ”
What. The. Fuck?
I stare at her in disbelief, trying to call her bluff. My conscience is telling me to give in, to tell her the truth about Lorraine… that it’s just a business dinner. My conscience is also telling me to tell her about Cal. About how black his soul is and if she doesn’t want to be with me, at least don’t be with him. He’ll hurt her. I know it, and I don’t want that to happen.
I plead with her… with my eyes, because my mouth will not open and say those things. It stays shut, because I’m still controlled by my past. I’m convinced, if I let her in… just a tiny bit more… I’ll crack wide open and become completely exposed. I’ve spent years forging these steel walls around me, and I can’t open them back up… not for anyone. Certainly not for a woman I’ve barely known for a few weeks.
I. Just. Can’t. Do. It.
So, I just stare at her and I watch the determination in her gaze solidify. It’s done. I’ve lost her.
Mac turns around and walks out of my office without a backward glance.
***
For the third time tonight, I pull my arm back across the table to dislodge Lorraine’s hand. She’s been painfully flirting with me since we’ve arrived at the restaurant, and I’ve been trying to put her off by extoling Mac’s virtues. I know she doesn’t like Ma
c and the more I talk highly of Mac, the more she’s forgetting to flirt with me.
Not that it’s a chore to talk about Mac’s great virtues, but I will admit… it’s a tad painful given what went down just an hour ago in my office. I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I won’t be seeing her tonight… or any night thereafter.
And the insane thing about that?
I knew that was going to happen when I refused to just tell her the f**king truth. I knew I was driving her away.
I am one seriously twisted dude, who apparently loves misery.
Pushing my plate away, because honestly, I have no appetite, I decide to cut to the chase and let Lorraine know about her fate.
“Lorraine… I know Bill has talked to you twice since you’ve started with us, about the problems we’ve been having with your behavior toward other attorneys and staff. ”
I pause and gauge her reaction. Her pulse starts pounding at the base of her neck and her face goes a little red, but she doesn’t say anything.
“We haven’t seen any improvement, frankly, and we don’t believe that Connover and Crown is a good fit for you. ”
This, of course, is an understatement. Although I’ve never seen it, apparently Lorraine is a certifiable slave-driving bitch. She’s managed to piss off every attorney she’s worked with so far with her bitchy, entitled attitude. She’s caused some of the staff to break down in tears.
And while I found it f**king hilarious, she apparently pulled that shit on Mac last week, repetitively ordering her to get her coffee. One of the attorneys watched this take place and told me that when Lorraine told her to go get her some coffee, Mac leaned over, grabbed her stomach, and moaned piteously. Told Lorraine she had diarrhea and couldn’t do it, running off to find a bathroom. Apparently, that same attorney saw Mac ten minutes later and asked how she was. She apparently grinned, gave a wink, and confided in a low voice, “I’m perfectly fine. But that’s the best way I’ve found to keep her off my back. ”
Fucking. Hilarious.
But completely unacceptable that Lorraine is treating her peers that way. And yes, Mac is her peer now, not her employee.
Bill talked to Lorraine twice about it in the form of a performance evaluation. Each time, she acknowledged the problem and said she would get it under control. She lasted about a day, and then went back to being a monster to everyone. Honestly, I think there’s a mental issue there, but it’s not my place to get into that.
Now we’re done trying and it’s time to part ways.
“We’re willing to buy out your existing cases and offer you a severance bonus. Or you can walk with what you came into the firm with, but no severance. If you choose the first option, I’ll ask you to stay for thirty days to help transfer the cases over to Bill permanently and that will also give you time to look for a job. ”
I pause and push an envelope across the table. “Here’s a detailed proposal of the case buyout. Of course, the clients will need to agree to come with us, but I’m sure we can work that out. ”
She doesn’t say anything, her face getting redder. She takes the envelope, peruses it briefly, and then turns her eyes to me. I expect her to argue or plead to stay on.
Instead, she surprises me when she says, “I accept the first option to buy my cases out. I’ve sort of come to the conclusion that life in a large law firm is not for me. ”
My eyebrows shoot up, because I was confident this was not how it would go down. I’m greatly relieved so I give her a true smile and lean my arms on the table. “Excellent. How about we order some champagne and drink to new ventures for both of us?”
She returns my smile and reaches a hand out to touch my arm. “That would be lovely. ”