"I traveled to other rain forests and wherever work took me, I looked for my mate, but I always thought I'd settle permanently where my mother had taken me." He shifted his weight, turned, so that he was sitting close to her. Very close. Thighs touching. He caught her hand and pressed her palm against his thigh, needing her touch.
As if she could read him, she shifted closer until she could brush her fingers through his hair with her free hand, her fingers working magic as they massaged his scalp. He loved when she did that--and she did it often.
"We got word that a new group was working in our area. They were a small band of men, very elusive and able to navigate through the rain forest where others couldn't. Drake sent me to track them. I'd been on their trail for three days. There were five of them, all younger men. I could tell by the way they moved. Fast. Efficient. They knew the forest, and I began to suspect that they were leopard. I knew all the leopards there and I should have been able to identify them, but I didn't have a clue who they were."
He fell silent, his gut churning. "I was slow. A day or so behind them." He shook his head, cursing, trying to find calm when the raging storm was on him once again. He rubbed his jaw, feeling the day-old growth. Back then, the stubble had been growing into a full-fledged beard. He let himself concentrate on her fingers, the way they moved almost hypnotically through his hair. She remained silent, but her gaze never once left his face.
"They raided a small village and took three girls, the daughters of a wealthy family. They were really young. Six, seven and nine." He shook his head and let go of her hand. He needed to move, but he didn't want to pull away from the fingers massaging his scalp so gently. She was his lifeline. His anchor. So delicate, those fingers, conveying her love. He felt it surrounding him.
"They'd set fire to several houses, and the village was in chaos when I arrived. They hadn't asked for ransom and that alarmed me. Why destroy the village when all you were after was money? They weren't staying true to the form of extortionists. Even if they planned on killing the girls later, they would still ask for money."
He took a breath, inhaling the scent of smoke. That terrible smell that never quite left him. Bile rose. "I found them two days later, two fucking days. Those girls were so traumatized they were catatonic by the time I got there. It hadn't mattered to the five of those bastards. They kept using them in every way possible. Sick, vile pieces of shit." He turned his face away from her, feeling tears burning behind his eyes. He couldn't face seeing that again, what those men had done. What leopards and humans were capable of. What he was capable of.
"I killed them all. The five of them. They died hard, and I fucking burned them and then buried their ashes so deep no one will ever find them. The girls were . . . damaged. If I'd found them sooner . . ." He trailed off, shaking his head. He would never forgive himself for not catching up with those men. Not ever. He would remember the first glimpse of the camp and what the men were doing to those little girls for the rest of his life. He still had nightmares.
"Once, a good friend of mine told me I didn't have a killer's instinct and I'd always have the disadvantage in a fight. I wish that was the truth, but I learned that night just what's inside me. A monster came out. I had no idea I was capable of anything like that. I didn't want to kill them clean. I wanted them to suffer the way those girls had suffered."
"It's all right, honey," she crooned softly. "It's done and over." Her fingers brushed at his face and then her lips were there.
He realized there were tears on his face. He didn't know if he was crying for the children or for himself, for knowing a monster lived inside of him, fully capable of taking revenge in a way that was so unacceptable to him that he could barely stand looking at himself in the mirror.
"I came back to the States. Drake was working security for Jake Bannaconni, and I joined him. Told him everything. Drake isn't the kind of man you hold back with. He knows what I did, every fucking detail." Joshua pressed his fingertips to the corners of his eyes and willed the migraine hovering so close to stay away. "Drake has been the constant in my life, and he got me through a bad time."
"From everything I've ever heard about him, he's a good man," she murmured.
"He is, Sonia. He's a very good man. I owe him." He wanted her to remember that. He took her hand again and locked it against his bare thigh. "He asked me to take a position for him, one that once I did, I could never get out of. It would be dangerous and I'd be stuck there for life. I said yes. I didn't hesitate or think about it. I was single. I'd looked all over the world for you and didn't think I'd find you, so I said yes." He turned his head to look at her.
Her eyes were dark chocolate. Melted chocolate. She looked at him as the white knight. He hadn't given her the graphic details of what he'd done to those five men, but she had an imagination and yet she still looked at him with love. With that look. That gave him hope. If she could accept the worst in him, the monster, maybe she could accept what he was now. What he would be for the rest of his life.
"I took the job, Sonia, and there's no going back." He had to make that plain. "I don't know where to start when I tell you this. I have to tell you. You need to know for two reasons. The first is that I want you with me, which means you'll be accepting my way of life and all the ugliness that comes with it. Friends turning away, people whispering behind your back."
She frowned, her gaze glued to his. She gave a little shake of her head but remained silent. She clearly had no idea where he was going. He usually had the right words to say, but now, in the most important conversation of his life, his mind was all over the place.
"The second reason is that you're in danger. They know where you are."
Her eyes widened. Her tongue touched her lip. The lower one. The one he loved. God, he hated this.
"Nikita Bogomolov saw the painting hanging over my fireplace and he recognized it as yours. He didn't say so. He tried to buy the painting from me, and when I wouldn't sell, he went up to it and found your signature, the S and L you loop together. He took pictures with his cell and left abruptly. He was supposed to go to New Orleans for a few days, but said he had an emergency and needed to return immediately."
As he gave her the information, the color drained from her face. Slowly terror crept onto her expressive features. "Nikita was here? He found me? Oh my God, Joshua, you can't stay here. You have to leave. He's going to come back and he'll torture you to try to find my whereabouts. I have to leave. I have to run. When was he here? How much time do I have?"
There was terror in her voice, not just for herself, but for him. She still thought he was the good man, the white knight, and the last thing he wanted to do was change her opinion of him, but she had to know.
"Remember I told you I had an important meeting the other day? We canceled all the work because we were meeting here at my house."
"Of course."
"The meeting was with Nikita Bogomolov." He dropped the bomb quietly, watching her carefully. Sonia was smart, but she wanted to believe in him.
"With Nikita? Why would you have a meeting with him?" She shook her head. "If he's kidnapped someone and Drake Donovan wants you to pay the ransom, whoever it is is probably dead. You can't deal with him and win. I know him. They kill entire families."
"It had nothing to do with a kidnap victim," he said, as gently as possible.
"What, then? Why would you meet with him?" The comprehension was there, she just hadn't allowed herself to believe it.
Her heartbeat suddenly accelerated, sounded like a drum to him. Hard. Fast. The rhythm of a prey animal knowing the predator was focused on her. Her tongue touched her lips again, her mouth suddenly dry. He knew all the signs. Her eyes showed shock. Knowledge. The dark chocolate deepened. Swirled with amber. With gold. Her leopard was close.
"Rafe Cordeau. The rumors about him were true. He was a crime boss, wasn't he?" Her voice quivered and she slowly, inch by inch, started to slide her hand from under his. The one in his hair was gone. She
made herself very small, curling into her body, but her gaze never left his, as if mesmerized by a viper--or a leopard.
Joshua nodded. "His territory was very large." He had to let her hand go, although every instinct told him to hold on to her. When it slipped through his fingers, he felt as if she were slipping away from him.
"There were rumors that you took his territory over, but because you work for Drake Donovan, no one, not even Bastien, believes them." She paused. Swallowed hard. "But they're true, aren't they?" She whispered the last. Her voice shook. A tremor went through her.
"Baby, you're safe. Know that you're safe. I can take care of Nikita Bogomolov." He needed to reassure her. The last thing he wanted was for her to think he'd struck a bargain with Nikita to turn her over to him, or even that he'd sent word to him. But of course she'd think that. He would have thought that in her place. Her eyes had changed color. They were dilated with the pain of betrayal. Not just any betrayal, but a visceral, soul-shredding betrayal.
He tried to take her hand back, but she shrank back against the headboard, looking at him as if he were a monster. Which he fucking was. But not to her. Never to her.
"Sonia, I didn't know Bogomolov was your father-in-law. You never told me who they were. There's no way I would ever call that son of a bitch and tell him you were here. I didn't know who you were involved with, remember?"
He tried to keep his voice low and even. Soothing. Calm. He willed her to be calm and listen. "You have to know I wouldn't call Bogomolov and let him know you were here. The meeting was already set in advance of Shadow ever finding Gatita--and me discovering you."
She was shaking almost uncontrollably, and she'd made herself so small, he doubted if she'd be able to untangle herself if she didn't relax soon. Her limbs would be locked in that position for eternity. Her skin had grown cold to the touch, something rare in a leopard.
"What other business could you possibly have to be meeting with a man like Nikita Bogomolov?" She whispered the question, but she didn't need an answer. "Unless you're one of them. Unless you're like him. You really did take over Cordeau's territory, and you've got some deal in the works with Nikita." Her mind was allowing her to take in what he was saying and what it meant a little at a time.
He nodded. "I'm not like him, but yes, I have a deal in the works with him. Technically, yes, I did take over Cordeau's territory but . . ."
*
SONIA couldn't breathe. There was no breath. None. All the air in her lungs had been used and there was no more in the room. That dinner. That sensual dinner and the hot, wild sex after, that had been Joshua, her Joshua leading up to this moment of absolute triumph. He had tricked her. Used her. Just as Sasha had. It was one thing to have sex and keep it that way, but he'd deliberately tied her to him. Deliberately made her fall in love with him.
She knew she loved Joshua. She'd felt gratitude and affection for Sasha, but she loved Joshua and he'd deceived her. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that he had sold her out to Nikita. The two men were in the same business. They were criminals, and they cared nothing for the people they hurt.
Gatita. What's wrong with me that I attract horrible men? I can't breathe. She couldn't think, only curl into a ball and wish the earth would open and swallow her. How do I get away from him? From Nikita. Now they know I'm alive and they'll hunt us to the ends of the earth.
Her entire body shuddered with pain. She couldn't hear anything Joshua said over the screaming in her ears. She wanted to scream. To shred her vocal cords. Her heart was shredded. He had eviscerated her. No sound emerged. Everything she felt was locked inside. Deep. Where no one could see or hear. She was locked there, unable to cope with another betrayal.
Sasha had been her savior. She'd looked up to him for years before she'd ever agreed to be his wife. Nikita had treated her like a daughter long before she'd learned he'd been behind the murder of her father. She'd been horrified and shocked to hear him tell Sasha that the price for Sonia's life was her mother in his bed. That was how one did things.
Now Joshua. Joshua forcing her declaration that she loved him. Would they compare notes? Tell each other how best to control and amuse themselves with a human being? Her life? Her emotions? She held herself tighter. She was looking at him, but she couldn't see him. She didn't want to see him, not with the tears blurring her vision and the ones inside of her, so many, threatening to create a flood. Gatita, help me. Tell me what to do. She had no one else. There was her leopard. She'd let her cat down. Gatita . . .
*
JOSHUA swallowed what he was trying to say. He was no longer looking into Sonia's dark chocolate eyes. Gold swirled through them, driving the brown out, taking over until he was staring into the fierce, angry eyes of her leopard. He held up his hand. "Sonia, stay in control." He made it a command.
It was too late, far too late. Joints cracked. Sonia was naked, just as he was. She didn't need to take the time to rip off her clothes. Her body unfolded, contorted, and then she was on her hands and knees, muscles sliding beneath the skin, fur pushing through until the black leopard with the gold outlining of every black rosette stood on his bed, no more than a foot from him.
He threw his arms up to ward off the sleek leopard. It was in a fury, the rage palatable, the cat protecting its human from the betrayer. Gatita hit him hard, knocking him off the bed and slashing his chest. It hurt like hell, a hot fire burning through his skin straight to his cat. Shadow clawed and raked, just as furious, not understanding what happened but desperate to protect him--even from his mate.
Joshua pushed to his knees, his eyes on Gatita, fighting his own leopard back. They didn't need a full-on war between two leopards; neither would win. She whirled and slashed at him, raking across his thigh as she spun back and leapt for the door. One paw contorted again and she was out, easily jumping for the nearest branch and running along it toward the second branch.
"Evan!" He roared it, leaping up, bloody, his body raging with fire. His cat fighting him every step. He rushed to the balcony, gripped the rail and sent out his call. It was a low-high snarl, the sound unmistakable to his men. He let his cat growl this time, letting Gatita know the males would be coming and her best bet was to return.
Only when he heard the other males call, taking up the hunting roar, did he allow Shadow to the forefront. The male was in a fury, his human hurt and bloody, his mate escaping and the adrenaline rush of the hunt on him.
*
THEY were coming for her. Gatita heard the male leopards and she paused for a moment on the branch leading to home. They are coming.
Sonia tried to clear the chaos from her mind. She'd heard them too. At least six. Maybe more. She identified Joshua's leopard from his voice when he roared out his challenge. They were hunting Gatita. Once again, she had failed to protect her leopard and the cat was in more peril than ever.
Get us home. The leopards couldn't attack her in the truck. She had weapons. She had been careful to keep that fact from anyone other than Molly. She was good with guns; her parents had insisted she practice daily. Her father had taken her out to the firing range every single day. Her mother had insisted she continue practicing. She had a shotgun as well. Point and shoot. That would stop a leopard. But . . . Oh, God. She was really thinking about killing Joshua.
Anguish welled up, sharp and terrible, her mind allowing more of the betrayal to slip in. She couldn't face it all at once. The idea that Joshua would deliberately get her to fall in love with him, even going so far as to force an admission out of her . . . Tears leaked out of her eyes, and out of Gatita's eyes.
Fast, Gatita, get us home fast.
Maybe she could get a head start, get in the truck and drive. They'd come after her, but she could find sanctuary somewhere. Bastien and Molly? Could she endanger them? Bastien was a cop. He had cop friends. She could go into protective custody. But for how long?
She'd never hurt so much in her life. Not even when she'd discovered Nikita had been the one to order her father's
death. Not when she'd found out he'd forced her mother to sleep with him. It hadn't hurt this much when Sasha had discussed killing her so casually with his father. That had been brutal, but this was even more so. This shattered her soul, and she wasn't altogether certain she would make it through.
You will. I'm here with you.
Gatita. She could always count on her leopard, but she'd put her in such danger. The big male would come for her and he was very experienced in fighting.
He will hesitate and I won't, Gatita assured. He is my true mate; his human is treacherous. Shadow had to know what Joshua was and what his plan was, but he chose not to tell me. He deserves whatever he gets.
Gatita made the jump onto the upper balcony leading to her bedroom. She shifted, and Sonia ran into the room, yanked her "go" bag out from under the bed and raced for her closet. She kept her weapons behind a wall where she'd made a secret compartment. Thrusting the smallest handgun into her pack, she added two clips and then pulled out her shotgun.
They are coming. We have a better chance in the swamp. I'm smaller and lighter. They can't go into the places I can.
Sonia swung her head toward the swamp. She hadn't turned on lights. It was dark inside the house and no one could see in. It hurt to move. Every muscle and joint ached, along with her heart. She was still having trouble finding enough air. She needed to be able to breathe, when she felt as if she were choking, strangling, hands around her neck slowly snuffing the life out of her. He'd done that. Joshua.
Are you certain? Gatita, if they catch you, they might kill you.
I've spent time looking for places I can go. Like you, I was afraid and wanted to make certain we had a way out. I can do this. Gatita was unafraid and very calm in the midst of the storm. She was hurt, but the anguish and agony Sonia was feeling simply made her every protective instinct come forward.