Desolation Road (Torpedo Ink 4)

“I know places I can go out of the country they won’t find me, even with their chapters there. I have go-bags stashed with plenty of money and a couple of very good passports. You don’t have to worry about me.”

Scarlet dragged a T-shirt over her head and fished around for her favorite pair of jeans. She kept her face averted as she dragged a small bag from the closet and began to throw clothes into it, but he could see tears still tracking down her face and she was still shaking. He couldn’t decide whether she had gone from fear to fury or if it was a combination of the two.

“Do you really think you’re going to get past me? It’s too dangerous for you to leave, Scarlet, and you know it. You’re acting crazy. Just because I don’t want to talk about something that happened a long time ago, you’re going to walk out on me? You’re going to put your life in jeopardy? Does that even make sense to you? It isn’t logical.”

Deliberately, he lowered his voice another octave, desperation putting temptation in his mind. He had vowed, sworn, that he would never use his ability on someone he loved without their consent, and he loved Scarlet Foley. No, Scarlet Solokov. She was his wife. What the hell was she thinking leaving him? And what was he thinking that he might consider using his voice on her to force her to stay?

He rubbed his pounding temples and breathed. “Scarlet, I don’t want you to go. I know I’m screwing up all over the place here, but I don’t know how to make this right. I want to make this right. Tell me what the fuck to do and I’ll do it.”

She swung around to face him, and the pain etched into her face gutted him. It added to what he was already feeling, nearly taking him to his knees. He’d done that to her, put that look there. Betrayal. Shredding her. She’d believed in him and he’d torn her apart. He didn’t know how to make it right between them, he wasn’t lying. He might be one of the smartest men on the planet, but he didn’t know how to fix things between them.

“Baby.” He wasn’t even trying to soften his voice. The plea was real. “I’m begging here. I don’t want to lose you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Tell me what to do to fix this. I swear to you, I want this to work.” He held out his hand to her. “We don’t have to stay in the bedroom. We can go anywhere you want and just talk. Just talk. Talk to me.”

She didn’t take his hand. She just looked at him. “No, Absinthe, you have to talk to me. That’s the only way this is going to work. I told you everything about me. All of it. You have to do the same. It’s the only way I can understand you and your family. Why you champion them in the worst of circumstances. I need to know why you need to have a kitten in the bedroom at night …”

“I don’t. We can stop …” His heart started with a slow acceleration and then began tripping overtime at the thought of talking about his past. The pounding in his temples increased. His mouth went dry.

If she knew the things he’d done. What all of them had done. The killings were the least of it. She could accept those things, but there was so much more. The shame. The guilt. He was responsible for the majority of it. He just couldn’t let her see that. He could barely look at himself in the mirror. Most of the time he couldn’t. The demons in his head roared, threatening to swallow him.

She shook her head. “You’re deluding yourself. You do need a kitten. If you can’t be honest with yourself then you can’t be honest with me. I’ve shown you that I’m willing to be a partner for you in every way, but I need respect from you. I have to be able to trust you. You have to be able to trust me. You don’t. You only trust them. Savage and the rest of Torpedo Ink. I don’t know why you put Savage before me in the situation tonight, but hopefully you had good reason because it cost you more than you’ll ever know.”

Scarlet gave him a very sad half smile. He heard the absolute conviction in her voice. She was really going to leave him. She meant every word. She believed he’d betrayed her and their marriage vows, and he had. She’d been frightened by Savage. He might know in his heart that Savage wouldn’t hurt her but she didn’t. He should have listened to her, heard her out, let her rage, cry, waited until she said her piece and after she was calm and he was holding her in his arms in their bed, talked to her about Savage and reassured her gently that his brother would never really hurt her. He hadn’t done that.