"So, you have never really had anyone to depend on, have you?"
Merry bristled at once. "I could depend on me mother."
"But she was ill and you had to help her rather than the other way around," he pointed out gently.
Merry shook her head. "She was not always ill. She was healthy and well when I was a child. Besides, 'twas not her fault that she was ill. She did the best she could."
"Aye, but--"
"And there was Kade," Merry then interrupted quickly.
That made Alex pause. She could tell by his expression that he vaguely recognized the name but was having trouble placing who Kade might be, so explained, "He's the eldest of me three brothers and the best of the bunch."
"Oh, yes," Alex murmured, his expression beginning to clear as his memory began to supply missing pieces. "He was raised by your uncle as I recall."
"Aye, Mother sent him to Uncle Simon when he was but a boy. I suspect she feared the effect being raised by my father would have on him. Seeing how Brodie and Gawain turned out, I think she was right to send him away."
Alex nodded. "He is older than I?"
Merry considered the matter and nodded. "Aye, two years older, I think. Brodie followed two years later and then Gawain two years after that and then there was me."
"Brodie and I were both five when you were born and our fathers struck the marriage contract," Alex said with a nod and then asked, "Why did Kade not accompany you to d'Aumesbery as Brodie and Gawain did?"
"He joined the Crusades like you," she answered, and then admitted unhappily, "We havena heard from him since."
The silence that followed was full of unspoken words, but Merry did not encourage his speaking them. They hadn't heard from Kade in a couple of years. Messages were expected to be few and far between in such situations, but not completely nonexistent. In her heart of hearts Merry feared he was dead, but until one of the other men who had ridden with him came to her and said so, Merry would believe he was alive. She had to. He really was her favorite brother. She and her mother had made the trek to Uncle Simon's to visit him at least once a year, and he had come home to stay for one week a year as well. Kade had always been kind and supportive during those visits, and they had corresponded often between them.
While her father, Brodie, and Gawain had always seemed weak and stupid to her thanks to their trouble with drink, and her mother had been sweet and intelligent, but weak from her illness, Kade had been the shining star in her family; strong, intelligent, and sober. She'd looked up to him and admired him, and when her mother had died, Merry had wished with all her heart, and prayed until her knees were chapped from kneeling, that he would return from their uncle's and take over the struggle that both riding herd on her father and brothers and running Stewart was. She had even written, asking him to, but when Kade had arrived for a visit shortly after that and offered to help at Stewart, her father had refused to allow it, claiming he was the laird and would run his own castle. Never mind that he was too drunk half the time to manage it, she thought with disgust. However, Eachann was the laird and Kade had been forced to leave when he suggested it might be best he did. He'd sailed to Europe and written Merry frequently about his adventures, but she hadn't had a single letter since he'd gone on crusade.
"He may yet return."
Merry glanced to her husband at those soft words, only then realizing that tears now blurred her eyes. Embarrassed by this show of weakness, she started to raise a hand to wipe them impatiently away, but Alex brushed her hand away before she could and did it for her. He then caught her by the chin and tipped her head up so that he could kiss her.
For one moment, Merry remained still under the soft pressure of his mouth, but immediately blinked her eyes open when he raised his head. Before she could see his expression, he pressed her head to his chest and whispered, "Rest. You are tired."
Merry's head popped up the moment he released it, however. Tired as she was, she simply could not rest when he couldn't, especially since she knew Alex must be tired, too. She knew he was scowling at her for being difficult, but avoided meeting his gaze and said, "Tell me about your family."
Alex hesitated, and for a moment she thought he would repeat his order to sleep, but then he relaxed behind her and began to speak. Merry listened curiously as he told her about his mother, father, and sister, and recounted a childhood vastly different from her own. His childhood had been one filled with happiness and loving parents who were neither drunks nor ill and in need of care. It was only with his mother's death when he was in his teens that the tone of the recounting changed. Alex was careful in his wording, but even so it was obvious that life after his mother's death was much less idyllic than before. He never insulted Edda or accused the woman of anything, but Merry could tell that after the king had forced the marriage between her and his father, life had been fraught with tension and much less pleasant at d'Aumesbery. She wasn't terribly surprised. After all, Edda had told her that she'd been bitter and unhappy when she married and moved out to the "wilds" of Northern England, but it was apparent from Alex's change in tone that Edda's arrival hadn't made only her miserable.
Between the soothing rock of the horse and the natural rhythm of Alex's voice, Merry soon found herself curling sleepily into his chest. When he fell silent, she tried to open her eyes to ask another question that would keep him talking, but it seemed like far too much effort, and she finally gave in and allowed sleep to fully claim her.
Merry wasn't at first sure what startled her awake some time later. She then became aware of the chest she leaned on shaking slightly as if with laughter. Raising curious eyes, she peered at her husband, surprised to see that he was indeed silently laughing.
"What did I miss?" she asked, glancing about, but no one else rode near them and she didn't understand what had amused him until he shook his head and explained, "You were snoring."
"What?" Merry sat up a little straighter, embarrassment bringing color to her cheeks as she shook her head in denial and assured him, "Ye're mistaken. I'm a lady and ladies doona snore."
That just made him laugh again and Merry glared at him with irritation and insisted, "I doona snore."
"Aye, you do," Alex assured her and then added, "And not daintily. You woke yourself with your own snores."
Merry was scowling at the claim, when he bent and kissed her reassuringly. "'Tis all right. I am told I have the affliction as well."
"Well, I do not," she assured him, unsoothed. "If I did snore, and I'm no' sayin' I did, then it must be the position I was sleeping in."
"Aye," he agreed at once, and then further mollified her by adding, "I have never noticed you snoring in our bed, so it may very well be down to having to sleep upright."
Merry relaxed a little at this concession, but was still embarrassed. Sitting a little straighter before him, she glanced at the path ahead. "Where are we?"
Alex glanced over the area surrounding them and then answered, "About halfway to the Scottish border."
Merry nodded at this news, but Alex was looking behind them, back toward the men and wagon that followed. She followed his gaze to note that Gerhard had fallen back beside the wagon where he was talking and laughing with a couple of the men. Alex waited until the man glanced in their direction, and then gestured for him to come forward. Gerhard immediately broke off the conversation and urged his mount up to join them.
"My lord?"
"There is a clearing ahead by the river," Alex said quietly.
"Aye, I know which one you mean," Gerhard said at once. "We have used it in the past."
Alex nodded. "We will use it again this night and travel the rest of the way to the border tomorrow. Lead the men there and set up camp."
"Where will you be?" Gerhard asked with surprise.
"I am going to take Merry a little farther up the river so that she may take care of her ablutions without fear of being seen. We will rejoin you afterward."
"Very good," Gerhard murmured, and then
turned his horse back to wait for the others to catch up as Alex urged his mount to a faster pace.