I must keep the faith.
I was sure Tudor would confide all of his problems when he was ready. It was funny: the thought of not having Tudor caused me pain in my soul even at that early point. How could I feel that way about someone after only a short amount of time? But I did and I had to be patient with him. He obviously needed me – he had made that very obvious.
Keep the faith.
I came out of my bedroom slightly over fifteen minutes later to see Tudor hooked on whatever was on the TV. I was heading to the closet to grab my coat and gloves when I heard his name being mentioned by the glamorous female presenter on screen, who was surrounded by pictures of him at various premieres on a plethora of LCD screens around her. Heavens above! He looked amazing in his formal wear.
I walked over to the sofa and sat down, trying to see what had him so enthralled. He was watching the entertainment news, the headline across the bottom reading, ‘Where is Tudor North?’
His tense eyes were fixed on the screen, his knuckles white from gripping the arms of the sofa.
I looked at him, confused, then focused back on the programme to hear what had got him so worked up.
‘The question of the month is, ‘Where on Earth is Tudor North?’ The notorious, muscled bad-boy of the big screen has fallen off the celebrity grid over recent months, and questions are being asked as to where he is and why he’s keeping himself so hidden?
We know that Tudor hails from around the Vancouver/Victoria area in Canada, so has the superstar gone back to his roots? Tudor was a firm fixture on the party scene in LA a few years ago, but after a drink-fuelled twelve months, seemed to take a step back from the limelight to focus on his burgeoning movie career. Well folks, he hasn’t been spotted in about six months around Tinsel Town and we are anxious to know, why? Has he grown tired of the fame, or has he fallen in love and settled down? He has been linked to several starlets over the years, and we ran into his ex, and some say current, flame, Raquel Banks at the MTV Movie Awards, and this is what she had to say on the subject of Tudor North,
“… Tudor is doing great, we speak all the time. He just needed to get out of the media for a while to rest before the next installment of the ‘Blade Reaper’ franchise. Tudor and I have history, and let’s just say that the flame is still brightly lit, it always will be. I can't tell you where he is, but when I visit him and his family in the next few days I'll tell him you were all asking about him, he'll appreciate the concern. I'll even give him a big kiss from all his fans out there who miss him too!”
‘So is he taking time away to rest, and is he still very much involved with the beautiful blonde Raquel? Tudor Chicks – listen up, we have a mission for you. It is your task to find him and let us know! The lucky fan will win a pair of tickets to the premiere of his next movie and a whole stash of goodies. So, go scout him out, dedicated Tudor Chicks. Are you ready? Set. Go….’
I took a deep breath and slowly rose out of my seat without looking at Tudor. I needed fresh air. I made a dash for the patio, and with each step felt myself suffocating in self-doubt, roles reversed from only minutes earlier.
Is he still with her? I didn't even know he was linked to anyone famous. Oh my God! She’s beautiful, what is he doing here with me? Does he still speak to her? Is she the reason for his secrets? Is she why he fought our attraction so much? I can’t breathe.
I realised I was falling into an anxiety attack, my chest grew tight and I began to shake. I heard the patio door open, and Tudor moved in front of me and crouched on his knees. “Tash, breathe,” he soothed.
I looked up and saw the anguish in his eyes. I managed to speak in a rushed tone. “Was all that true? Are you with that woman?”
He began pacing. “No, I’m not! She was a f**king mistake I made once a couple of years ago and she has clung to it ever since! She’s never been my girl and never will be.”
He took a calming breath and moved back to me, taking my hands in his. “Tash, look at me, please.”
I did what he asked, staring him straight in his eyes looking for any dishonesty. I couldn’t tell.
“I am not with her, have never been in a relationship with her. She was a one-night stand ages ago. She was the biggest leech of them all, selling the much exaggerated details of our night together to the highest bidder. Please, don’t let this stop us from happening. Talk to me, say you still want this, want us.”
He was edging to panic mode again too… What a pair of crazies!
“I-I… don’t know. Is she the reason you have all the secrets?” My voice sounded strained, even to me.
He shook his head, moisture misting his eyes.
I let out a bitter laugh as I compared the two of us. “Why the hell would you want me when you’ve had that? Do all of your exes look like her? What have I got myself into? You must have been repulsed sleeping with me last night, seeing me beneath you, on top of you!” I threw my head into my hands.
He groaned loudly and pulled my hands away. “Are you f**king kidding me? You’re beautiful and funny, smart and sexy as hell. You have me numbered and don’t take my shit. You are worth a million Raquel Banks’ and for the last time I. Am. Not. With. Her.”
I surveyed him skeptically. It actually would have answered some questions if he was with the girl – the secrets he wouldn’t talk about, the weird behaviour, why he pushed our attraction to the side-lines – it would make total sense.
I guessed he could read the doubt on my face. “Believe me, okay, I need you to trust me. These channels fuel gossip and ninety-nine per cent of the time it’s untrue. This time it’s one-hundred per cent untrue. I want you, Tash, but this is the life I’m in. You have to decide if I’m worth it to you, because you certainly are to me! I know since we've met we have managed to avoid the celebrity shit, but it’s there and as much as I wish it wasn't, it is what it is and it’s not going anywhere. But I want you to try. I need you to be able to handle all the crap that comes with being with me… please.”