I held him for what felt like an age. Drawing back, I reached up to hold his head and pulled him down. I pressed a kiss on his forehead and brushed my thumb over his moles. Catching the instant smile on his face I declared, “I love you, Zaal. You are my blood. My heart. My big warrior brother.”
“I love you, Zoya.” Zaal pulled back and nervously said, “Talia is upstairs. We are never apart. She does for me what you do for Valentin. She cares for me. She loved me when I could not remember what love was.” My heart squeezed and I immediately regretted my earlier reaction. I hadn’t let myself see it or maybe I simply didn’t acknowledge that he was damaged, too. Right now, hearing him talk of Talia as though she was his lifeline, I could detect the vulnerability in his voice. He was just like Valentin: a killer, a monster that deep down simply wanted to be loved.
Zaal shifted on his feet and muttered, “Would you … could you—”
“Meet her properly?” I interrupted.
Zaal’s eyes were wide with apprehension. “Yes,” I replied.
Zaal sharply exhaled and said, “If you give her a chance, you will love her. And”—he paused—“and she wants to know you, too. She’s been upset since you left.”
Shame flowed in my blood and I pointed to the stairs. “Then let’s go. I want to be back in case Valentin wakes up.”
Zaal led the way. When he opened the door to the gym, I heard a female voice ask, “How is she, baby? Would she speak to you? Are you okay?”
Before Zaal could reply, I walked through the door, to see her arms around his neck. Talia’s brown eyes landed on me and I walked to her side. Talia broke from Zaal and stood proudly at his side.
I could see the confidence she clearly had in the way she stood. And to my shame, I could also see how much she wanted to know me. Talia glanced to Zaal, whose face still betrayed his apprehension.
I made myself store away my conditioned reaction to her being a Tolstaia. Instead I offered my hand. Talia’s shocked face fixed on my hand, but, slowly, she threaded her hand through mine.
“Talia,” I greeted, and cleared my throat. “It’s nice to meet you. I apologize for my reaction to you this morning.” I looked at Zaal to see his pride for me on his face, and that look, that look from my big brother, forced the last fragment of our family’s historic betrayal in my heart to fade away.
“Zoya,” Talia said in response. She looked like she wanted to say more. Instead she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close. I was surprised at first, but when I saw Zaal laugh at his fiancée’s embrace—he laughed—I let it happen. As Talia went to move away, a simple “Thank you” drifted past my ear.
She was thanking me for making him happy.
I smiled at Talia and Zaal. As he put his hand around her shoulders, Talia said, “Thank you for coming to see me.”
I had turned to go back downstairs when Zaal asked, “Where are you going?”
I froze. “Back to Valentin. He remains here; therefore so do I. I’m staying with him; he’s my heart, Zaal.” I flicked a look at Zaal and said, “He’s badly injured, sykhaara: he needs to heal. And he’s alone. He needs me.”
I had set off for the stairs when I heard: “You’ll both come with us. There’s no way I’m having my sister-in-law and her boyfriend sleeping in this place, in ‘the Darkness,’ for Christ sakes. You’ll come home with us; we have plenty of room. And you’ll stay for however long you wish.”
I had opened my mouth to respond when Zaal caught Pavel’s eye. Zaal flicked his head and said, “Help me get Valentin into the car; we’re taking him to my home.” Before I could argue, Zaal had walked down the stairs, Pavel and some other guards following immediately behind.
As I watched Valentin go I felt my heart swell. Suddenly Talia was beside me, and she laid a hand on my shoulder. “You have completed him, Zoya. By returning, you have healed the last crack in his heart.”
Without looking at her, I said, “Not as much as you do. I may have only been five when we parted, but I know my brother, and you have saved him. I didn’t need to be here to know what you’ve done for him.”
Talia was silent: then she whispered, “It’s because I love him more than myself. More than life.”
I hid a happy smile. Shrugging, I replied, “Then no matter what has happened between our families in the past, this allows us to forgive, forget, and rebuild.”
“It does?” Talia asked with a relieved sigh.
“It does.”
Then we all went home.
22
ZOYA
A week came and went, days spent lying beside Valentin in bed. With each day he grew stronger. He didn’t speak often. I could tell that his mind would wander to dark places—he had so many to choose from that I was never quite sure which occupied his mind. But the times he held me close, the times he curled me against his body and pulled me hard against his chest as though I might leave if he didn’t keep me close, I knew he was thinking of his sister.
He would kiss me and touch me, but never sexually. I wasn’t sure if it was due to his injuries or something more sinister. He caressed me as though he was savoring every part of me—committing me to memory, as he had said to me in the chamber. It sent fear down my spine, because to me it felt like our situation was temporary—like he feared that one day we must say good-bye.
When I woke each day, it was to find him watching me, body tensed like he was preparing for me to say or do something—I didn’t know what. When I asked him if he was okay, he would pull me close and simply say, “Yes.”
But there was something.
Zaal and Talia left us alone, but I had begun to spend time with them, little by little. And Zaal was right, I really liked Talia, and I loved how deeply she loved my brother.
One day later that week, I walked into our suite’s bedroom and found the bed was empty. I frowned. Valentin did not seem to be strong enough to be out of bed when I checked in on him this morning. I placed my coffee on the table and headed for the bathroom. As I approached I heard the sound of the running shower.
Silently I pushed the door open and tiptoed inside. Valentin’s sweatpants were in a heap on the floor. When I looked at the glass cubicle, I saw his large body standing motionless under the hot spray.
Steam billowed in the room, fogging up the large mirror on the wall. Even though the steam was thick I could see Valentin’s head was down, the fast spray caressing his skull.
Without thinking I stripped off my clothes, dropping them on the floor over his. The steam clung to my skin. Eyes fixed on Valentin, I quietly opened the shower door and slipped inside. The door closed behind me. In his numb state Valentin didn’t even register that I was behind him.
I lifted my hands to touch Valentin’s broad tattooed scarred back. Valentin jumped when my hands touched his skin, and his head whipped back to look at me. His eyes were pained yet soft as they met mine. His head turned forward, and I pressed my mouth to his wet skin, peppering kisses along his wide shoulders.
Valentin’s skin tasted sweet against my mouth. Continuing my exploration, I moved around his body until I was standing in front of him. Valentin’s head was downcast, but that didn’t stop me kissing his chest, over the black tattooed identity number.
His breathing increased as I sucked and lapped at his skin. Too much time had passed since we’d made love. And we were out of the chamber and free. We were free to make love without the fear of being caught or hurt.
Just us.
Joined.
In love.
My hands ran over Valentin’s pectorals and as they ghosted over his skin I felt moisture pool at my core. My hands dropped down to Valentin’s ripped torso, until they moved to his length—his length was hard, awaiting my attention.
I rolled my lips and glanced to his face, but Valentin’s head was still down. His eyes were squeezed shut and his nostrils were flared. His full lips were thin and pursed. His muscles felt like stone under my touch.
I couldn’t understand what was wrong. I knew if I asked him he wouldn’t answer me. Whatever was troubling him was buried deep inside.
Needing him to snap out of this numbness, I wrapped my hand around his hardness and began stroking it up and down. Slowly at first, but harder and faster when no reaction was forthcoming.