I walked in a daze down the garden path to the pool house, replaying in my mind the picture of Lexi too thin and sick, of Clara so frightened and small on the large chair, and me so closed in and fearful of the world to ever let anyone see my true self, to hear my voice. My different voice, but my voice that I was starting to understand should be heard nonetheless.
I pushed through the door to the pool house, seeing Levi sitting at his desk, studying hard. His fair hair was mussed and in disarray. And I knew that I was falling for him beyond what I ever thought possible… he brought me the moon.
Breaking his intense concentration, Levi lifted his head, that beautiful shy smile lighting up his handsome face. “Bella mia,” he rasped, my heart melting at the endearment.
Levi got up from his desk. He was dressed in a white sweater that clung to his muscles, and blue jeans that sat perfectly on his legs. In seconds he was with me, his thick arms pulling me to his chest. I wrapped my arms around his back and held on tight.
Levi pulled back and asked, “Are you okay?”
I nodded my head, so overcome by how I felt, at the memory of being joined with him on the bed. Standing on my tiptoes, I pressed a kiss to his soft lips. The kiss was as beautiful as him.
I broke from the kiss and said, “I’m going for a shower.”
Levi looked at me strangely, but he simply ran his thumb down my cheek and said, “Okay. I picked us up a pizza for dinner. We can eat it when you’re out. You can tell me about your day.”
Nodding, I headed to the bathroom, when I saw my mason jar was glowing stronger than last night. In the trash can beside the bed I saw a newly emptied glow stick. I smiled—he’d refilled the jar. He’d kept the light strong.
I showered as quickly as I could, the powerful hot jets immediately making me feel better. I washed my hair, the coconut shampoo carrying away the strains of the day.
I toweled off and wrapped myself in the robe that Levi had brought me. After combing my wet hair, I entered the main room and Levi was on the bed, a book in his hands. He smiled when he saw me come in. The pizza was already on the bed. I stared at him from the doorway, and hurried to his arms when he held them out for me to go to him.
I climbed on the bed and fell against his chest, his strong and warm arms keeping me safe. “You hungry?” he asked. I shook my head.
“Not yet.”
“Okay,” he replied, and ran his fingers through my hair. “Coconut,” he rasped. “I love that smell on you.”
I smiled against his chest, when he asked, “How was your day? How was the center?” I detected the apprehension in his voice, because I knew he wanted me to love it there. I knew it was because he thought it would make me want to stay. What he didn’t realize yet was that I didn’t need the center to stay—he was reason enough.
“It was life-changing,” I said quietly. I pushed up on my arms. Levi watched me closely. “Lexi told me about her past. She showed me her picture, of when she was sick.”
Levi swallowed and his olive skin paled some. “Yeah?” he questioned. I nodded my head. “She told me about how she nearly died, about how Austin helped her heal.”
Levi glanced away, then turned back to me. “It was real close, Elsie. She was so sick, so was my mamma. I thought me and Aust were gonna lose them both in the same week.” He inhaled. On his exhale said, “But we lost only Mamma, Lexi fought back. She still fights every day… for Aust, Dante…”
“For you,” I added. “She told me.”
“For me.” He sighed and I leaned my hands on his chest.
“She took me to Kind and I met Celesha.”
Levi nodded. “You’ll like her. She’s real good with the kids. And the staff. She’s got a real pure heart.”
“You go there?” I asked, and Levi nodded his head. “Most Sundays, before I met you. I’m there when Austin’s not playing. Some weeknights too. I’m not real good with talking to them, but I help in the office some and throw the pigskin around with those that like football.” His finger ran down my face. “I just hate seeing them so cut up like they are. Damn bullies, you know? Assholes for making people that sad,” he cussed. I could clearly hear the anger in his voice.
My confession was on the tip of my tongue. The scars from the past trying to push through, to be free. But something stopped me from going there. I didn’t know what, I guessed I just couldn’t relive that time yet. I was afraid I wouldn’t be strong enough to cope with the demons it would unleash.
I lay back down on Levi’s chest. “I signed today.”
Levi stilled. “I didn’t know you could sign?”
“Yeah. I was at a deaf school until I was eight, then I had the operation and they mainstreamed me. They wanted me to be amongst hearing kids. I’m not too good, but there’s this girl there, at the center, Clara. She’s deaf, Lexi and Celesha needed someone to sign, to encourage her to talk.”
“And did she? Talk to you, I mean?”
“Yeah, a little. She’s had a tough time.” My eyes fluttered closed at the feel of Levi’s fingers in my hair. I sighed, content and completely safe. “I’m going back tomorrow to speak to her some more. I… I want to help her. She’s so sad. You can see it in her eyes. She’s in a lot of pain inside. She’s completely lost.”
“That’s real good, bella mia,” Levi said and I smiled, loving how he spoke Italian to me, loving that he called me his beautiful.
I closed my eyes, feeling the safest I’d ever been, when the conversation I’d had with Lexi sprang to mind. My eyes opened when that thought then drifted to my mom, and how she’d feel if she’d seen me like this… happy… falling in love.
Tears pricked in my eyes, and I felt myself saying, “My mom told me to hide my voice from the world.” I felt Levi tense underneath me, but I didn’t move off his lap. I couldn’t look in those gray eyes without losing control. I couldn’t see his handsome face and the understanding I knew I’d find when I talked about her. Talked about that night… the day I got the news.
“From as young as I can remember, my mom told me not to speak to anyone but her. She told me that people wouldn’t understand us, that there was no place in this world for us.”
“Elsie,” Levi said when I paused. “Look at me, bella mia.”
I shook my head as my hands gripped onto his sweater. “I can’t, Levi. I can’t look at you when I tell you this… just let me tell you. If I see your face I won’t be able to get through it.”
Levi didn’t respond immediately, but then he said, “Okay,” and I relaxed as much as possible.
“I know I told you that my mom had a hard life, that she was never given a chance. She was my mom and I loved her with my whole heart. I felt sorry for her every day as she struggled to get through to the next… unless she had her drugs. Until she shot up with heroin… until she forgot.” I inhaled the strong scent of Levi’s spicy scent, taking the strength he gave.
“We were mostly on the streets. We would live in alleyways or doorways, sometimes with some of my mom’s ‘friends’, sometimes on our own. Occasionally we would have an apartment or a room when my mom would hook up with some new dealer or guy, but that never lasted long. All our clothes and worldly possessions in one small bag.”