New Year's Steve

Quickly I jack off in the shower, hoping to relieve myself of some of the lingering tension in my body, and maybe to keep myself from sporting a hard-on if Felicity shows up in a strappy dress. I’m a sucker for a woman’s shoulders, but popping wood is probably not the best first impression to make.

I’ve got some fessing up to do before trying to take things to the next level.

I may be as hormonal as the next guy, but I’m not completely classless.

Shutting off the water and wrapping myself in a fluffy towel (no reason to cut corners when it comes to bathroom comfort), I begin doing a thorough trim on my beard. Just as I bring the electric razor to my cheek, my phone dings and my heart lurches.

Please don’t let Felicity be cancelling, please don’t let Felicity be cancelling, please don’t let Felicity be cancelling…

It would be my luck if she ditches Steve for Harry.

My shoulders sag with relief when I see that it’s Adam messaging me, and not my date.

Adam: Hey man. Wanted to update you. Manuel Gomez is out for the rest of the season. Rotator cuff is busted, but he should be clear to continue contract negotiations.

Me: Dodged that bullet.

Adam: Also, Meg wants to know if your date is figured out.

Me: Dude. Do you have to share that shit with her? I’m her boss. I’d prefer her not spreading office gossip.

Adam: I tell my woman everything. And you’re barely her boss. I’m more of her boss than you are.

I shake my head. I really need to get with HR on that fraternization policy. After I’m grandfathered in, of course. Ha ha.

Me: And you’re barely her man. Two weeks doesn’t count. Now leave me alone. I’m getting ready for my date.

Adam: So that’s a yes? The date is a go…?

Me: Yes, dickhead. It’s a go. Romantic rooftop rendezvous and all that shit.

Adam: The rooftop? OUR rooftop? You know I found a ball gag up there once with Sheila’s name etched into the leather strap.

I make a gagging sound no one but me can hear because I have learned too much about Sheila’s sex life today. I cannot unlearn the things I’ve heard.

Me: Thank you for giving me the need to bleach my brain.

Adam: Just doing my part. Make sure to sanitize before getting a little New Year’s tickle for your pickle.

Me: Okay. I’m done with this now. See you next year.

I toss my phone down and only glance over at it again when it gives me an alert that Adam replied. It’s just a laughing emoji so I refuse to respond again. It’s a good thing we’re friends or I would have fired his ass a long time ago for not reporting that ball gag.

Hell, I still might.

It would serve the bastard right for keeping juicy information like that to himself, and I wonder if cameras should be installed up top; sounds like I’m not the only one who’s been using it for extra-curricular activities.

I stare at myself in the foggy mirror, watching the water drip down my face from my hair, and stand taller.

It won’t do if I’m freaking out about Felicity’s reaction — I have to be confident I know her well enough by now that she’s not going to bail on me when she sees me.

What an uncomfortable working environment that would be, especially now that Sheila’s involved, Adam’s been gossiping, and Meg probably knows.

Just send out a Memo on Monday. Give everyone the scoop at once, why don’t they.

Groaning, I wipe the stray hairs from my face, drying it. This is why I never should have let that old busybody, Sheila, in on my business. Now she’s going to stake a claim in my relationship and have opinions and such.

On the other hand, she is coordinating the entire thing, and if it weren’t for her, there wouldn’t be a date to get ready for.

A first date I’m going to be late for if I don’t hurry my ass up.

I wipe my face and head to my closet where I grab my best black suit and sharpest white button down. It’s time to go all out. This is the woman of my dreams, and I refuse to let it all go down in a flaming pile of New Year’s poo.7FelicityI am thoroughly showered and shampooed.

I am groomed in my nether regions.

In fact, I’m so groomed downtown, I had to break my self-imposed No Shave All Winter Months clause in the event I decide to ring-a-ling-ling in the new year with a little action — if you catch my drift.

And yet, I’m not all that excited to be here…

How horrible is that? A night I’ve been looking forward to for over a week — since the night Steve finally found the courage to ask to meet me.