Damnable Grace (Hades Hangmen 5)

I lifted my hands to my head and tried to stop the throbbing that was beating in my brain. Sweat coated my palms, and I felt my stomach rolling and rolling until . . . I leaned over the edge of the bed to the bucket beside me and purged. I heaved over and over, the awful memory of my youth still playing on repeat in my mind. When there was nothing left to bring up, when the retches became dry coughs, I tried to clear my head from the fog. I was tired, so tired. Then two hands were around my arms, lifting me back to the wet mattress. I shifted my body and felt my legs stick to the linen beneath.

“Fuck,” someone growled. My heart ceased to beat. I was sure I would look up and find Meister. I did not want Meister. I never had. I shut my eyes as I was deposited somewhere and heard someone rushing about the room. I tried to move, but when I did I cried out in agony. My muscles, every single one of my muscles felt on fire, only they were burning me from the inside. My hand moved down my arm, only to stop at the middle. My skin scraped the flesh as I silently searched for the answer to what I needed.

The potion . . . I needed the potion.

“None here, Red. Just gonna have to ride through this shit with me.” A deep voice was near my ear, then I was in someone’s arms. Only these arms did not feel like Meister’s, this male did not smell like him. He smelled of smoke, leather and gunpowder.

I was lowered back down to the bed, and then someone sat beside me. I cracked my eyes open, but my vision was blurred. I blinked until it was clear. A gentle hand cupped the back of my head and a glass was brought to my lips. Cool water entered my mouth; it felt like razor blades as I swallowed. I drained the glass, then a second. When I wanted a third, the deep voice said, “No.”

I reached out, trying to bring the water back, but he stood and walked away. I tried to focus on his retreating back, and all I saw was the devil, laughing at me. Fear seized me, and screams poured from my mouth. When he came back, my voice stopped in my throat. I watched his dark eyes as they met mine. He had a small beard and his hair was long, like the brothers in the commune, but he was not one. I knew he was not one.

He kneeled beside me and pushed my hair from my forehead. “I need . . .” I gasped as pain slammed though me, bending my back. My fingernails scraped along the already broken skin on my arms. “Potion,” I begged. “I need the potion.”

He shook his head. “No potion, Red. Not anymore.”

Tears tracked down my cheeks. Things began to move around the room. People entered, shadows at first, then . . .

“Rebekah,” I cried. She was rocking in the corner, bleeding, burned from the fire on Perdition Hill. “No!” I tried to move, but someone was holding me down.

“You did this,” she said in her beautiful voice. Blood replaced her tears and marked her perfect skin.

“I did not know,” I cried. “I believed them when they told me you were devil-created.” I sobbed; I sobbed so hard that my throat felt clawed and raw. Then there was movement to the right.

I screamed out in agony when I saw her move beside Rebekah. Sapphira’s brown eyes stared at me, and she held out her hand. Her bottom lip wobbled, and tears fell down her cheeks. I reached back for her, but I could not touch her. I was too far away. I could never get to her. People were always holding me back.

“You never told me,” she said sadly. My stomach clenched again.

“I could not.” I watched as blood began to pour from her nose and mouth. “They would never let me.” My throat was raw from crying. “If I did well, they would let me see you, but they would never let me talk to of such things. They would never let me tell you.”

“You let them hurt me.” She pointed to the bruises on her arms, on her legs. She lifted her dress up her thighs and exposed the handprints, the marks . . . the tattoo.

“You are safe now. He sent you from the commune. You are safe.”

“Think.” She stepped closer to the bed. When she came into the light, my heart tore in two. “Remember,” she begged. Her long blond hair fell limply to her waist, and her brown eyes were sunken and sad.

“Remember what?”

Sapphira shook her head and stood beside Rebekah. They held hands. I wanted nothing more than to run to them, to join them, whether that be in heaven or hell. But a male held me down.

“Do you see them?” I cried, my salty tears stinging my eyes. “They are hurt, they need me to save them! Sapphira . . . she is only fourteen. She is hurt!”

“It is too late,” Rebekah said, and I froze. Sapphira turned her head from me, robbing me of her beautiful face.

“No . . . ”

“They’re not there,” the male said into my ear.

“No!” I screamed back, but his incredible strength held me down.

“Push through it. They ain’t there. There’s just you and me in this room. They’re in your head.”

“You lie,” I sobbed and slumped against his hold. My head sank into the pillow as another wave of hellfire took command of my muscles. I gritted my teeth and tried to cope with the pain. The only relief I found was a cool cloth being placed on my head, momentarily ridding my scalding skin from the mass of sweat there.

“Potion,” I begged. “Please . . . just give me Meister’s potion.”

“No,” the voice thundered, firm and hard. It came from just above me. I forced my eyes to open. The male’s face slowly swam into view.

“You,” I said, and the male stilled. I lifted my hand to his long brown hair and ran my fingertips over the hair covering his upper lip and chin. “Am I still at the tree?” Was I outside, in the fresh air? I tried to smell if I was, to smell the freshness of the grass and the evening air, but I could smell nothing; I could place nothing.

All was . . . displaced.

“You’re safe,” he said reassuringly and took my hand from his face. I believed he would throw away my touch, like every other male had ever done. But instead, he held my hand in his and squeezed it tightly.

His words filtered into my fogged brain. “Safe?” I asked. He dipped his head closer. I looked into his brown eyes, and he nodded. I stopped breathing. His eyes. I knew his eyes . . . “Kind eyes,” I whispered. He sat back, sighing.

Bringing his hand to my mouth, I kissed at the skin. “Please.” My eyes fell on Rebekah and Sapphira in the corner. They were still watching me. Only this time, parts of their flesh were breaking away, their hair was falling into the air, and the blood that stained their skin began to pour in rivulets down onto the floor. “You did this,” Rebekah rebuked. “You believed them. You let them hurt us.”

“No!” I cried, but it was no good. “The potion,” I pleaded to the male. “You must give me the potion. I cannot take this anymore.”

He took a long inhale. When he opened his eyes, they were shining. “You gotta,” he simply said. “You gotta go through this shit to get better.”

Rage like nothing I had encountered before built within me, and I pushed his hand away. I spat at his naked devil-painted chest. “Give it to me! I want it!” I slapped my head and pushed the side table beside me. It crashed to the floor. I pointed at my arm and hit at my skin. “Here! Put it in HERE! NOW!”

In a flash the male was on me, his huge body pinning my arms down to the mattress. I spat in his face and tried to claw at his arms. My anger was leading me and I let it, as the fire came back, burning every part of me alive. “GIVE IT TO ME!” I yelled. The male stared me down, still saying nothing.

I stared back, screaming demands until my voice cut off and I saw the final remnants of Rebekah and Sapphira fade into the air behind him. My chest caved in as racking tears poured from my eyes. “Please . . . please . . . please . . .”

He shook his head.

“You’re gonna get through this.”

“I want to die,” I said finally, after I didn’t know how long. I had failed. “Let me die.” A whispered request. “Help . . . me die.”

The male’s head snapped back as I spoke those words. His grip tightened on my wrist, and he leaned his he

ad in close. “You’re not gonna die. I’m not gonna let another one die. You got me, Red?” His tanned cheeks reddened, and his eyes clouded with darkness. “We’re gonna get you through this. We’ve been here a while already, just a little more time to go. You ain’t getting your smack, and you ain’t gonna die.”