“I’m sorry,” I said. The wetness from my cheeks were salty when they hit my mouth. “This is my fault.” I stared at my hand next to Maddie’s. Hers would feel so soft. She had really soft hands. I thought back to the first time she touched me. To when her little finger touched mine.
I’d been expecting to hurt her ever since, waiting for the evil to break through the calmness she’d brought. Waiting for the demons to come back and take control of me. She told me that I wouldn’t ever harm her, but I’d known I would. Eventually, I always did. I wasn’t allowed to love. Anyone I did love, I destroyed. I was destroying her and our baby. The time had come. “You were wrong, Maddie,” I said and watched our hands beside each other. I needed to touch her. Just one more time. “The flames hurt you.” I swallowed, trying to stop invisible claws from choking me. They never let go. I was being punished, punished for hurting Maddie and the baby. “I can’t touch you, Maddie.” I eventually pulled back my hand and dug my nails into my arm. The blood trickled down my arms. It was poison. Venom, like the snakes had in my poppa’s church. When they recognized me as evil too. “I need to save you and the baby. The flames… I won’t kill you. I need you. You can’t die.”
I lifted myself to the chair beside the bed and watched her. She was so beautiful. But I would never touch her again. She couldn’t touch me either. I wouldn’t see her die. Pulling out my knife, I felt the sin, the flames rising higher inside me. Felt them taking over. Staring at Maddie, I sliced the knife into my arms, releasing the flames. But I felt them taking control, felt the darkness coming back. They were getting stronger than ever before. Growing in strength. But no matter what, I wouldn’t let them get Maddie and the baby.
I’d die first.
Chapter Five
Flame
Behind me, the door opened.
“Flame?” I didn’t take my eyes off Maddie. She hadn’t woken up yet. Nurses and doctors had come and gone. I didn’t know how much time had passed since I’d come in—days I thought. I didn’t sleep. I watched everyone who had touched her. No one was fucking with her. “Hell, brother.” AK came over to speak to me. He bent down. I flicked my eyes to him. He held a wet rag in his hands. He began cleaning blood off the floor around my feet. “Look at me.” I didn’t. I kept my eyes firmly on Maddie. “Flame! Look at me!” I quickly met his eyes before focusing back on Maddie. “You good?” I nodded. “You’re not gonna break? Freak out like last time?” I didn’t fucking answer.
AK stood up when I heard feet come onto the room. I gripped my knife tighter. I snarled at anyone who came too close to me or Maddie. Styx, Ky, Hush, Cowboy… all my brothers came into the room and shut the door. Styx stood against the wall on the opposite side of the room to me. They kept their distance from Maddie’s bed. I’d hurt them badly, if they dared get too close.
Styx lifted his hands. “The clubhouse is fucked. It’s being bulldozed down as we speak.” I dug the tip of the knife into my skin thinking about the fire. My blood began to boil remembering all those flames. Styx curled his lip as he spoke. “The cunts who did this will die.”
Ky nodded. “Three bodies were found in the clubhouse. Planted—three females. All on the missing person’s register. Some bastard deliberately put them in the clubhouse, then set it alight.”
“They wanted us to be caught,” Tank added. “Fuckers were trying to frame us, as traffickers.”
“Who? Any leads?” AK asked. I saw the fire in my mind, feeling its heat burning my skin. I smelled smoke. I saw the flames surrounding Maddie, killing her, taking her away from me. I looked at Maddie, lying still in bed. Doctors told me they were waking her up today. They told me she was better, that she was coming home soon. Somewhere, out there, were people who had tried to kill her. They were going die, slowly and screaming under my knife. I shut my eyes and saw her in my arms. Saw her looking dead in my arms.
“I need to kill them,” I growled and opened my eyes. “I’m going to fucking kill them all.”
Styx nodded. He lifted his hands. “I’m calling Smiler back from suspension. He might have gone postal, but he’s a military tracker. And a fucking good one.” Styx nudged his chin at AK. “You and Smiler are gonna get us a lead on these fuckers.”
“Prez,” AK agreed, nodding.
“We find out who these assholes are and why they’re fucking with us.” Styx cracked his neck. “Then we kill them and any other cunt who thinks they can mess with us.”
“I still got no leads through communication,” Tanner said. “But I’ll keep looking. They must be communicating somehow. I just need to figure out the channel. Then I’ll have the bastards.”
“What about the bodies? The bitches in the fire?” Hush asked. “What’s happened with them?”
“Chief of the firehouse found them. He’s on payroll. He got rid of the bodies in an incinerator near Dallas. He’s fixin’ to tell the families of the missing bitches that they’d been discovered in another fire somewhere else. No bodies, just teeth. I don’t fucking know. Don’t know how the fuck he’s gonna spin it. All I know is someone has crossed a fucking line. And they’re gonna die,” Ky said.
“The devil worshippers?” Cowboy said. He whistled. “Why does it sound like a fucking joke coming out my mouth? Is this what we’re up against now? Fucking devil worshippers?”
“Stinks of bullshit to me,” Ky thought out loud. But all I heard was devil… devil and demons, and fucking fire in my blood. “Goats heads and bitches on crosses? It’s gotta be a fucking front. Something bigger has to be going on behind all the fucking theatrics.”
“Whoever it is, we’ll find them,” Ky translated, speaking what Styx was signing. “Until then, we patrol. We watch the club and anyone who dares come close.” My hands itched. I got to my feet and I felt pure fucking heat surge through my veins. I needed to kill. I needed to slit throats and stop hearts. I needed fucking revenge. I looked to Maddie, resting on the bed. She looked so fucking small. I sliced the knife against my arm, hissing as the cut ran deep and the blood flowed down my palm.
“Here he fucking is!” Rudge declared. “I wondered when we’d see you again! This is the Flame I remember. A fucking beast!”
“Shut the fuck up, Rudge,” AK spat.
“They need to die. They hurt Maddie.” I turned my head to Styx. “When they’re found, I’m killing them. Me.” I walked to the Prez. My head twitched and I felt the darkness starting to drag me down. I stopped fucking fighting it. It was how it used to be, before Maddie. I felt the demons from my soul start to claw at my flesh, possessing me, pulling me down. “They tried to kill Maddie. And the baby. They’re mine! I’m gonna fucking kill them all!”
“When we get them, they’re yours,” AK promised.
The door opened. I spun round, ready to kill whoever dared enter. A doctor in a white coat stopped dead. “It’s time to wake her,” he said. My feet wouldn’t move. My fucking heart wouldn’t stop beating too fast. I bit my tongue so hard blood burst in my mouth.
“We’re leaving soon, doc,” Vike said. “Just speaking to our man, Flame.”
“I’ll come back in ten minutes,” the doctor said and practically ran from the room.
“We’ll be back when we have something,” Ky said to me, and the brothers started to leave the room. Ky paused beside me. “Don’t know if you’ve been told, but Grace had gone to the bathroom when the fire started, snuck the fuck outta the back room. Maddie must’ve realized she wasn’t there when the fire started. Grace got herself out of the building, saw the fire and ran for the exit door. That’s why Maddie was still in the clubhouse. None of the other bitches had realized Madds had left to find Grace in the fucking chaos.” Ky swallowed. He moved his hand in my direction, as though he was going to put it on my shoulder. I tensed, readying to push him away, but I stepped back before he could touch me. Ky’s hand fell back to his side. “Maddie tried to save my kid, brother. I don’t know how to repay her for that, except to find the fuckers who did thi
s, and let you have them.” Ky left. Everyone did except AK and Viking.
“They’re back, aren’t they?” AK said, pointing to my arms. “The flames.”
I gritted my teeth and stared down at my arms. “They’re everywhere,” I said. I traced my tattoos with the tip of the knife. “They never left, never disappear. But they’re fucking boiling again. I can feel them all the time. Feel them in my flesh and in my bones.”
“AK!” Ky’s voice came from the doorway. “We gotta go!”
“I’ll be back, brother,” AK said. “I’m gonna find Smiler, then these assholes. I promise.” He paused beside me. “Keep strong. If you need me, call.” He glanced to Maddie on the bed. “You feel like the flames are becoming too much, you fucking look at your bitch and wrestle those fuckers back. Yeah? Don’t let them win. Push them back, for Madds, for your kid. They need you.” AK nodded to me, and then left. His words circled my mind, you feel like the flames are becoming too much, you fucking look at your bitch and wrestle those fuckers back. Yeah? Don’t let them win. Push them back, for Madds, for your kid… But they were already too strong to fight. They were already everywhere inside me. They had already poisoned my blood.
Viking coughed. My eyes slammed to meet his. He looked to Maddie sleeping on the bed. Then he started to leave, but he stopped and said, “I’m real fucking sorry for touching you, brother. For choking you out the other night. But I ain’t sorry for saving Madds and your kid. You weren’t letting her go. We had to save her. I know I promised I’d never touch you. You might never forgive me for breaking the promise. But I won’t regret it. You’re my brother, man. I gotta save you too.”
Viking left. I tried to keep calm. I tried to stop the fucking fire in my arms from eating my flesh, to stop the darkness from taking over. But I felt it happening. I felt my fucking mind breaking up, the devil digging in his claws. I heard snakes hissing in my ears and felt their fangs sinking into my skin. You’re evil, boy. Evil runs in your sinful veins… you killed your mama. Your evilness killed your mama. You’re a fucking retard. An evil, sinful retard…
I pulled at my hair as my poppa’s voice stabbed at my brain. I tried to breathe, but the flames were burning through the flesh of my lungs. The door opened and the doctor came back in. I forced myself to the side of the room, keeping a hand on my knife, just in case. AK told me I had to be calm when the doctors and nurses were here, so I could be with Maddie, so I could stay. I didn’t feel calm. Didn’t fucking want to be calm. I shook as I watched the doctor and the nurse inject something into one of the wires in Maddie’s hand. I had to stop myself from going over there and ripping their hands from their arms.
“Mr. Cade?” The doctor came toward me.
“Stay the fuck back,” I snarled. He stopped dead, his hands shooting in the air. My skin felt on fire. I wouldn’t let him come closer. No one was touching me. Fuck what AK said, he was gonna get a blade in his throat, if he tried.
The doctor cleared his throat. “Your wife is doing well. Her lungs are clear, breathing normally. The baby is well too. Its heartbeat is strong and the scans show it is developing well.” My cheek was twitching as I tried to hold myself back from throwing him out of the room. I just wanted him to fuck off and leave us alone. “She will wake soon. We have stopped the sedative. She may be confused at first, but that is to be expected, simply the drugs wearing off. We’ll be back to check on her soon. Call for the nurse when she wakes. There is fresh water by the bed, if her throat is dry.”
The doctor and nurse left and shut the door behind them. I stayed in the corner, keeping as far away as I could from Maddie. I never took my eyes from her, my knife running up and down my arm. I felt the flames following the blade underneath, up and down, like a magnet. Then I saw her finger move. My pulse raced, pushing the scalding blood and sin through my body faster and faster. I gritted my teeth against the evil. I just had to stop the flames enough to be sure she was okay. I just had to know she was okay.
“Wake up,” I whispered. Maddie moved her head in my direction like she could hear me. The choking feeling in my throat was back. She lifted her hand. I wanted to take it, feel her warm skin again. I balled my hand into a fist and pulled it back. I couldn’t. I stepped closer. Maddie’s eyes began to blink open. The pain in my chest got kicked into higher gear, the twisting in my stomach got fucking worse, when she blinked up at the ceiling. A fucking feral sound ripped from my mouth. Her green eyes, Maddie’s perfect green eyes. A soft moan came from her throat. I rushed forward to help her but stopped a few feet from the side of the bed. Maddie swallowed, her mouth opening as she drew in a deep breath. I tensed my muscles so nothing in me would move. A groan left my throat. Maddie rolled her head to the side in my direction. I stopped fucking breathing when her green eyes locked on me. Her eyes. Her green eyes were looking at me. I never thought I’d see them again. I never thought she would look at me again.
They started to shine. “Fl…” She coughed and moved her fingers to her throat. She rubbed the soft skin. “Flame?”
All the fucking muscles I was straining to hold back loosened and I dropped to my knees. “Maddie…”
Maddie’s eyebrows pulled down. “Wh-what? Why—” Maddie’s hand dropped to her stomach and her eyes widened. “The baby? Flame! Our baby, is it—”
“It’s alive,” I said. Tears fell from Maddie’s eyes and she squeezed them shut. She rubbed her hand across the bump. “Thank goodness,” she whispered. Then my fucking chest tore open when she started crying. When sobs left her mouth. “Our baby is alive.” My heart was beating fast, the sound of the blood and flames rushing through my veins like rapids echoed in my ears. I needed to go to her. I wanted to hold her. I didn’t like her crying. I couldn’t fucking stand her crying. She looked at me and held out her hand. “Baby, come here.” My legs wobbled as I stared at her hand. My feet were glued to the fucking floor. I gripped my hands together behind my back. “Flame?” I focused my attention on the floor. If I looked at her, I was scared I would get weak and touch her, give in to what the devil wanted. “Flame, look at me, baby.” I did, but my vision was blurred. “Baby, what is it?”
“I can’t touch you,” I said. “The flames…” Some fucking evil voice in my head was telling me to touch her. It had to be the demons. They wanted me to touch Maddie. To finish off what they had started.
“Flame, listen to me.” Maddie tried to move on the bed. She winced.
“Don’t move!” I shouted. My head dropped when she stopped, eyes wide. She looked scared of me. I didn’t want her to be scared of me. But she had to understand I could hurt her, even if I didn’t mean to. “Please… don’t touch me. I…” I choked on my words. I pushed through it. “I don’t want to hurt you. Not you. Not my Maddie…” I looked down to her stomach. She was still holding the bump with one hand. “Not the baby. I can’t hurt another baby.” I pictured a baby in my mind’s eye. It had greens eyes. It looked just like Maddie. “Our baby… I can’t hurt our baby like I hurt Isaiah.” There was water filling my eyes. “His chest rattled. He was too hot… then he died in my arms, he died…”
“Flame, look at me.” I lifted my eyes to Maddie. “You are not evil. The flames will not hurt me.”
“They have.” I said as I replayed the fire burning the clubhouse in my head. It trapped her in the clubhouse. The flames that haunted me had found her and tried to take her away from me.
“Flame…” Maddie whispered, and then she held out her hand. “I need you. I need my husband.” Her hand rubbed over her belly. “We both do. Don’t—” Tears fell down Maddie’s cheeks. No! I didn’t like her crying. The sight made a hole cave in my stomach. “Fight the flames, baby. You are my warrior. You can defeat them. You have done it before. You can do it again.”
“I can’t.” I lowered my head and Maddie tried to touch my head. I scurried back. “Please…” I begged. “Please don’t make me hurt you. Not you. Not my Maddie.” Maddie’s hand dropped. I watched her chest lift up
and down. She was breathing. “I thought you were dead.” A wet drop from my eye landed on my chest. “I thought I had killed you both.”
“I am not leaving you,” Maddie stated, as she wiped her eyes. She was so beautiful. I remembered seeing her for the first time at the cult. I remembered her talking to me. And I remembered her putting her arms around my waist. She calmed the flames. I could breathe right for a moment—I hadn’t breathed right in years.
Maddie laid her head down on the pillow, facing me. She put her hand on the bed. I stared at her hand. I clenched mine into a fist. But I edged forward. I lifted my hand onto the bed and put it near her’s. It looked so little. Suddenly, I was tired, so fucking tired. I laid my head on the bed. Maddie was looking at me. Her bottom lip trembled. “I love you,” she said quietly.
I moved my little finger closer to her’s. But I didn’t touch it. “Your hand is soft. It’s always warm.”
“Your is too,” she said. Tears trickled over her nose and onto the pillow. “It is always warm.” Her breath shook when she inhaled. “It fits mine so perfectly.”
I looked up at her eyes. “I… I missed you.” I thought those were the right words to describe my feelings. “I felt a cave in my chest when you wouldn’t wake up. I felt a stabbing in my stomach when you didn’t move.” A lump blocked my throat. I pushed past it. The room shimmered. My eyes were full of water again. “I thought you’d died.”
“No,” Maddie said, squeezing her eyes shut.
“I thought I’d killed you, like Mama,” I confessed and remembered Mama on the bed, knife at her side. There was blood everywhere. “Like I killed… like I killed… Isaiah.” Maddie was shaking her head. “I hurt everyone. I don’t mean to, but I always do.”
“Flame, no. You don’t.” But I knew I did. I felt the flames. Maddie didn’t know how they felt. I heard the demons inside of me, telling me I was evil. Poppa had been right. Pastor Hughes had been right. I didn’t think the same as everyone else. I wasn’t like everyone else. I was darkness. I was picked by the devil to hurt people.