“I have heard you,” I whispered down to my stomach. “He will know of our love. Of yours, I promise. Wherever he has gone, we will find him and remind him that he is ours. We are his. He is our deepest love.”
The door opened and I quickly held my breath, praying to God that it was Flame. But the nurse from earlier walked into the room and I felt my hopeful heart deflate. “Just a few signatures for you, darling, then y’all can be on your way.”
I forced a nod. Leaning on the table that hovered over the bed, I signed my name—Maddie Cade. I stared down at that surname. Cade. That shared name was my home. “I’ll go and get these processed and bring up a wheelchair—hospital policy, I’m afraid,” she apologized when I opened my mouth to protest. I closed my mouth and the nurse vacated the room.
Rider gathered my things, preparing for us to depart. Bella came and held my hand to help me from the bed. My legs felt strong as I stood on the linoleum floor. I clutched Bella’s hand and stared at my sister. “We must find him.”
“We will,” she promised. But I registered the quick glance she directed to Rider, which betrayed her concern.
I opened my mouth to speak, to ask her what was wrong, if she was keeping something from me, when suddenly AK came barreling through the door. His face paled when he saw that Flame’s chair was empty.
“AK,” I half-shouted. Sheer panic traveled through my body like wildfire.
But AK was looking straight at Rider. “You didn’t find him?”
Rider shook his head. He sighed and his eyes flitted to me. “Speak, Rider. Maddie has a right to know,” Bella ordered. I held my breath, frowning in confusion.
Rider rubbed the back of his shaved head. “We pulled the security tapes. Smiler came by last night to the room and spoke to Flame. Flame left the hospital and took the truck Smiler arrived in.” My heart kicked into a sprint. I felt the pulse in my neck begin to throb in worry.
“Motherfucker,” AK spat.
“Smiler called me and asked us to come here. I was just finishing up my shift. Bella came and met me. He told her Flame had gone out on business for the club and wanted Bella to come and watch Madds until he was back.” Rider looked momentarily angry. “He lied to me. Smiler lied to me.” I saw the wash of betrayal ghost over Rider’s features. Smiler was his best friend. Yet he had fooled him.
“Smiler’s gone fucking postal. He can’t be trusted with shit right now,” AK hissed as he ran his hands roughly through his hair. AK turned to me. “Madds—”
“Where is he?” I whispered. My heart fluttered with trepidation. “AK? Where is he? Where is my husband?”
“We need to get you home,” AK said, avoiding my question. “I gotta speak to Styx. Everyone’s heading to church.”
I marched with purpose toward the door, grabbing AK’s arm as I passed, stopping both of us to demand, “Tell me he is safe. Tell me he is not in trouble.” AK’s head fell and he avoided my eyes. He could not. He could not tell me that my Flame was safe. I wanted to crumble. But I refused.
“Maddie, you need to wait for the wheelchair,” Rider said.
I threw away my manners and marched from the door, ignoring his instruction. I was healthy as was my baby. I needed to get home. I needed to get my husband back—my baby and I were agreed on that. I felt nausea as images from those harrowing days in his cabin invaded my mind. Of Flame begging for the relief of death.
In a reel that played like a movie in my mind, I saw him next in the chair beside my hospital bed. His black eyes were the same as they had been in the cabin. The circles under his eyes, the utter helplessness in his beautiful face. The same desolate eyes that had greeted me with desperation as I barricaded myself into his home, to save him from AK’s promise to free him from this life when it all became too much. The eyes that had brought me from my seclusion on Mae’s home to stand by his side, to lay by his fire, and finally, to rest upon his bed… with him beside me, loving me as much as I loved him.
Footsteps hurried behind me as we walked past the nurses’ station and down to the bank of elevators. I heard the nurse protesting my exit, faintly hearing Rider’s voice answering her back. AK and Bella fell into step beside me as we moved from the hospital to the parking lot. I followed Bella and Rider to their truck. As we pulled out toward home, AK appeared up ahead on his bike. “Rider? Take me to wherever the men are holding church now that the compound is gone.”
“Maddie, please—” Bella began to speak.
“You stopped the men from hurting Rider in the barn when he came back from New Zion. We, your sisters, stood beside you in solidarity. Well, this is my barn. Flame has gone somewhere we do not know. I will find out, and I shall follow him. He needs me. I will not be cast aside because I am not a brother in the Hangmen.” I took a deep breath and tried to not let my voice shake when I said, “I am his wife. And I am the only one who can save him.” But I failed to disguise a crack in my voice when I added, “I will not live without him. He is not thinking straight. I need to save him from himself. I will save him and bring him back home, where he belongs.” I cradled my stomach. “With us.” I straightened my shoulders but kept a hold of my baby, closing my eyes when I felt movement.
When I opened my eyes, Bella nodded and sighed in defeat. Her hand reached across the console and she took hold of Rider’s hand. I could not tear my eyes from the sight. Of how they held onto one another. No flames. No demons and no fear of death. Just love and affection. I looked down at my own hand. I will have Flame’s hand in mine once more, I will accept nothing less. He had fought this before. He could do it again. I always knew that for Flame, he would be in a lifelong war with his past. He did not think like others. He was fixated on the one thing that had plagued his mind for all his days. For him it was the flames. They were ever present in his life. And they always would be, too ingrained in him since childhood to be vanquished for good.
So, we would face each battle as it came with our swords held high, our courage strong and unwavering. This is just another battle, I told myself. I pushed dread and fear aside and gripped onto hope. I refused to entertain anything else.
Hope was all I had.
*****
Rider pulled onto the land surrounding Styx and Mae’s cabin. I saw AK dismounting his bike. He turned his head and I met his eyes through the windshield. He shook his head, cursing under his breath and darted across the yard. “They’re using Styx’s yard as church for now. The compound has already begun getting rebuilt, but it’ll be a while before it’s ready,” Rider said.
I pulled open the door and steeled my nerves. Determination flooded my veins as my feet met grass. I did not wait another second. Instead, I followed the sound of male voices across the yard until they came into view. They were seated around a large table, Styx at the head. And they were all looking straight at me. AK was pushing his hands through his dark hair. My feet almost faltered when I saw Viking rise from his seat and stand beside him. Pain was etched on their faces. Flame was their best friend. They had been the pair to rescue him from the mental hospital and give him a family when he had nothing. They gave him a life here at the Hangmen. A stab of sadness dug into my chest, imagining how they must feel too. But I pushed that aside and I held my head high.
Ky turned to me. “Madds, you can’t be here. We’ve got it—”
“I will not be sent away, Kyler. I am Flame’s wife and will not be cast aside because I am female. I have had a lifetime of this kind of treatment in The Order. I shall not tolerate it from men who are meant to be my family.” Silence followed my curt interruption. I had no time to give a soft and gentle appeal. My gaze moved from Ky’s hard blue gaze to Styx’s. His hazel eyes were tightly focused on mine. He didn’t move from the President’s seat. I heard voices from Mae’s home. I flicked my attention to the porch. Mae, Lilah, Phebe and Bella were stood there. Sapphira and Grace and the babies were there too. Mae handed Charon to Bella and I watched my sister hesitate about what to do, on whet
her to stand beside me or not. Her blue eyes flicked between her husband and me: concerned, conflicted, confused.
But this was not Mae’s battle. It was my battle. “Do you know where Flame is?” I demanded. Styx’s hard gaze was fiercely intimidating. As much as I loved Styx as my brother-in-law, I was not naïve concerning his reputation, why he was so feared by enemies, and so respected by each one of these men. Even by Flame. But I would not let him scare me in this moment of truth. If he knew where Flame was, he was going to tell me. The sound of a bike came roaring from behind me. I turned to see Smiler park his bike and saunter toward the table, as though he had not a care in the world.
“I’m gonna fucking kill him!” AK hissed, who then ran around the table and tackled Smiler to the ground. AK punched Smiler’s face, repeatedly, until Viking pulled him back. “You fucking did this! You sent them out there when Flame ain’t thinking straight!”
Smiler rolled to his feet, his long dark hair soiled by the mud from the ground and spilt blood. Smiling, he licked the blood pouring from his lip. “Mmm,” Smiler said to AK, “Fucking love the taste of blood.” AK went to attack him again, but Viking held him back. Then, the words AK had spoken began to filter into my mind.
“Them?” I half-queried, half-stated, my voice cutting through the silence. “You said them.” My pulse increased in pace. AK looked to me, catching his breath. His shoulders sagged. My eyes roved over the table. I closed them when realization dawned. “Asher,” I whispered. “Asher and Flame.” It suddenly felt as though a fist had grabbed my lungs and squeezed hard. They were my family: Flame, Asher, me and our baby. They were my family. And we were rapidly falling apart.
I marched to Smiler. I ignored the smug look on his face and issued a simple demand, “Where are they?” Smiler pushed his long brown hair from his face. “They are my family!” I stated curtly. “If you know where they are, you must tell us!”
Smiler pulled a piece of paper from his cut and walked around me to Styx. “Directions for the fire-starting fuckers. Camped out ‘bout four hours away.” He turned back to me. “Gave your man a head start. They fucked with you, with his property. You nearly died.” Smiler’s arrogant demeanor slowly faded, raw pain began to pulse through in its place. Then his eyes focused on my hands, which unconsciously cradled my stomach. “You nearly died, Maddie. So did your kid. Flame was a fucking mess. He deserves to have his revenge.” Blood dripped from Smiler’s lip to the ground. He did not seem to care. Like Asher, Smiler did not care about much since Slash died. “Some of us don’t get a chance at the revenge we’re owed. But your man did. I had to give him the kills.” My heart sank. That was where Flame and Asher had gone. They had gone to kill the men who had started the fire in the clubhouse. The fire that had almost killed us.
Flame…
I wanted to shout at Smiler. I wanted to scream at him, to tell him he was foolish for sending my husband and Asher into mortal danger. But the expression of sheer agony on his face encouraged me to maintain my silence. I walked to stand before Styx. “I am coming.” I somehow found the strength to stop my lip from trembling. “He… Flame is breaking down again.” Voicing the words out loud somehow seemed to cut deeper than keeping them to myself. All I saw were Flame’s black eyes in my mind, the yearning on his face to hold my hand, but his steadfast refusal to do so. “I fear he will be difficult to reason with, when you find him. But he will listen to me. He will come back to me. I know he will.”
Though there was a part of me that worried I was wrong. A traitorous part, which tried to convince me this time was it. This kind of darkness was what Flame could not return from. I tried to push it aside. He would come back to me. He had to. I could entertain no other outcome.
Styx’s gaze never moved from mine.
“It’s true, Prez,” Viking said, coming to stand beside me, flanking my side. “If Flame’s gone again, in his head, it ain’t us he’s gonna need. Y’all remember last time. AK nearly ended him. On Flame’s fucking demand. It was only Madds that could bring him back.”
AK stood on my other side. “We’ll take her in the van. She’s right. She has to come. We’ll protect her.” AK pointed at Viking, then looked at me. “You’re his old lady. We’re his best friends, the motherfucking Psycho Trio. Nothing will happen to you. We got you.” My torn heart healed a fraction at those words. At the conviction in AK and Viking’s eyes.
“Maddie, your baby,” Mae said from the porch.
“We are both fine,” I replied. Mae nodded, giving me a small whisper of a smile. “And I will never do anything to endanger them. Any of us.”
Styx looked out over the trees beyond his cabin. When he stood, he towered over me. Raising his hands, he signed. Ky spoke for him. “You come. You stay in the van with AK and Vike. You don’t come out until we tell you. I fucking mean it, Maddie.” I lifted my chin at the order but nodded. I was going. I was going for Flame and Asher. “Rider, you’re coming. Fuck knows what we’re gonna find when we get there. Edge ain’t back for a while why he packs up his old life and moves here. Need a doctor coming on this ride too.”
“I don’t know obstetrics that well. If anything happens with Madds—” Rider trailed off.
“I will come. I know some about babies. And we will get Ruth to come too. She is a doula. She will be the best one to have with us,” Bella said. I smiled at my sister when she nodded her head at me in support. Bella and Ruth would be there. I already felt better knowing they would be beside me too.
“We ride in thirty,” Styx signed, and slammed the gavel down onto the table. The men were a flurry of activity around us.
“We’ll get y’all back here with the van soon,” AK promised. He and Viking departed Styx and Mae’s land on their bikes.
Mae’s hand threaded through mine. “Come, sister. We will get a bag packed for you here, just in case this journey takes more time than planned. You can wear my maternity clothes. I have them ready to give you anyway.” I let Mae steer me into her cabin. Styx passed by us and went into his study, closing the door. Lilah and Phebe followed Mae and me into her bedroom. Bella had gone with Rider to get Ruth and their own bags.
Mae led me to the bed and pointed to the edge. “Sit, Maddie. You have only just got out of hospital.” I did not want to sit. I wanted to keep moving. If I stopped, I knew all I could think of was Flame and Asher confronting the men who set fire to the clubhouse. All I could imagine was them being hurt… or worse.
“They will be okay,” Phebe reassured, as Lilah sat beside me and took my hand. “And AK and Viking will not let you or your baby come to harm.”
I tried to give Phebe a thankful smile, but I failed. “It is not us I worry about.” I ran my hand over my forehead. I was beginning to get a headache. “Asher is so young. He is suffering right now, on account of Slash’s death. And now he has joined Flame on this mission?” I felt tears fill my eyes but I wiped them away. “And Flame…” I shook my head. Lilah held onto me tighter. “He has fallen once more,” I whispered. Mae stopped packing my bag and came to kneel before me. Phebe sat by my side. “I cannot lose him,” I whispered, allowing my greatest fear to be spoken aloud. I met Mae’s saddened gaze. “I know people believe Flame to be the weaker one.” I laughed a single disbelieving laugh. “They are wrong. It is I who seeks out his arm to hold me each night, so the memories of Brother Moses abusing my body do not smother me and drag me back to a hell I cannot return from. It is I who holds his hand, just in case he is somehow taken away from me. And it is I, who rests my head against his chest each evening by the fire just to be sure his heart is still beating a strong, healthy rhythm.”
“Maddie…” Lilah murmured, wiping a falling tear from my cheek. She brought me closer to her side, holding me. As much as I loved my sister, it was nowhere close to the comfort Flame’s large tattooed arm gave me.
“You do not know what it was like in his cabin before.” I closed my eyes, seeing him strapped to the bed, eyes pleading with me for relie
f from this life. “You do not know how far he had fallen. How desperately he wanted to be free of this life, and the heavy chains that wrapped around him each day. They wound tighter and tighter until he could not take it anymore.” I wanted to tell them that it had been the memory of Isaiah that had dragged him down before. And it was again. Our baby… our baby had taken him back there.
Guilt suffocated me. I had hoped one day I would be able to have a child. I dreamed it for us. I had not expected it to be this soon. It was unplanned. I had always known Flame would find my being pregnant difficult. But I did not know to what extent it would affect him. Just how open the wound of Isaiah’s death still remained in his heart. “I would not survive,” I allowed myself to confess to my sisters. “I would not survive if something has happened to him. If something has happened to Asher. He is just a child. A child who is lost.” My head fell into my hands. “I cannot find him through his sadness. I cannot reach him no matter how hard I try. I am not sure who can.” I thought of Asher’s hard face, the granite stare in his black eyes, the hatred and pain that filled the air with every exhaled breath. “I pray there is someone out there who can bring him back to us, as I have done before with Flame.”
“The Cade brothers,” Lilah said. “Bless their hearts. I will pray that they find respite from their troubles. That you find them well and bring them back here, to their family who love them.”
Styx walked out of his study and stopped at the door. Mae swiveled to face her husband and got to her feet. She took his hand and led him into the hallway. I heard the low murmurs of them speaking. No one ever heard Styx speaking to Mae, yet I heard Mae plead, “Do not let anything happen to her. Please, River. Promise me.” Kissing Lilah on her head, I stood and caught sight of Styx with his arms wrapped around Mae, kissing her lips. I averted my eyes. I longed for Flame’s kiss.