My Maddie (Hades Hangmen 8)

Mae released my hand as I held our baby to my bare chest. Her warm skin felt perfect against mine, like it was always meant to be. The tears pouring from my eyes blanketed my vision. With my hand still clasped in Flame’s, I wiped at my eyes and truly looked at our daughter. The world paused, time itself stilled, as I glanced down at the living example of our love. My arms shook slightly with the sheer magnitude of the moment.

I was a mother.

I am a mother.

“I love you,” I declared and kissed the top of her head. I choked on a laugh at her short cropping of hair. It was jet black… just like her mama’s and papa’s. “Flame,” I cried and looked at my husband. His gaze was fixed on our daughter. “We have a baby girl.” I cried. “We have a precious baby girl.” Flame did not speak. He simply stared at our daughter. Stared, speechless at the living miracle in my arms.

“You are perfect,” I said to our daughter and ran my finger over her tiny brow.” Her eyes opened and dark blue eyes stared back at me. The sight captured my breath and welded itself on to my soul. “Hello…” I repeated. I squeezed Flame’s hand which helped me to support her back. “Beatrix,” I said, and I smiled at our little girl. “Beatrix Mary Cade.”

Flame hissed through his teeth, the first sound he had made in quite some time. When I met his eyes, he was looking at me. “Mary…” I explained, “In honor of your mama, Flame. Mary, the woman who gave you to me.” I choked back a sob. “The woman with Isaiah in her arms, who is right now looking down on you from Heaven. And she is smiling.”

“Beatrix Mary Cade,” Mae repeated from beside me. I looked to my sisters. All three were standing by the bed. Mae kissed me on my forehead. “She is beautiful. Little Beatrix.”

“It means ‘blessed’. ‘She who brings happiness’.” Flame’s hand lay iron clasped in mine. Beatrix was our biggest blessing. She was our chance at happiness. “Flame…” I said, smiling, so overcome with unspeakable joy. I shifted on the bed, “Baby, would you like to hold her?” I said, moving to let Flame meet his daughter. Flame moved back from the bed as though she were a naked flame and he a statue of stone. “Flame?” Flame released my hand and got to his feet. He backed away from the bed, eyes wide. But his dark stare never moved from Beatrix. I held her closer. My heart sank at seeing my husband so scared. His fingers ran down his arms, yet he never looked away from Beatrix, as if he glanced away, she would disappear.

“It is okay,” I hushed, hating how scared he appeared, how petrified he was of our baby. Our precious, delicate baby. “It is okay, baby. We are both okay.” Flame dropped to the chair beside us, still watching over us. But he made no move to hold her. He did not speak. Yet I could see the love for her in his eyes. Beatrix started crying, and the blood drained from his face. Realization dawned in my tired mind. Isaiah had cried… Flame had held him because he had cried, then his tears had dried and his crying ceased. “She is well,” I assured Flame, heart melting when I stroked his cheek with my finger.

He grasped my hand like a thirsty man would grasp a glass of water. My hand was held in both of his, as though I had caught him in prayer. Beatrix stopped crying as I kissed her cheek. “Our daughter, Flame,” I emphasized, the acknowledgment of our miracle spoken aloud.

As I stared in adoration and awe at our daughter, I knew Flame loved her. I could feel it in his hold on my hand. But I could feel his fear too—my scared, lost, and broken boy. As I kissed Flame’s fingers, then kissed Beatrix’s cheek, I felt blessed beyond words, beyond what I deserved. And with one glance into our daughter’s eyes, I knew Flame would come to us eventually. He would embrace her love. She was our redemption, our salvation, and the union of our souls. I would give Flame the time he needed, steering him away from his fears and toward Beatrix’s warmth and light.

We had a daughter.

Our Beatrix.

Our hearts.

Our beautiful girl.

Chapter Fourteen

Flame

She was crying. I could hear her crying. The cellar’s walls were cold and hurt my skin. My hands hit the side of my head. I couldn’t hold her. I couldn’t fucking hold her. I’d hurt her. But she kept on crying.

Her crying hurt my ears. I didn’t want to look in the corner where she was. I didn’t wanna look. But her crying got louder and louder until I couldn’t take it. I rocked back and forth, the dirt wall of the cellar grinding into my back. “Stop,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut. “Stop crying!”

But she didn’t.

My heart was racing, the flames in my blood were burning my veins. She cried and cried. I couldn’t take it anymore. I moved to the corner where she laid. She only wore a diaper, but her skin was red. She had black hair on her little head… and then she turned to face me. I froze. I couldn’t fucking move as I looked at her face. “Beatrix,” I whispered. She looked at me. Her eyes looked right at me. There was a fucking fist around my heart when she did. “Beatrix,” I whispered. She looked like Maddie. She looked just like my Maddie. “I don’t wanna hurt you,” I pleaded, but her crying got louder. “Please, don’t make me, don’t make me…” Beatrix screamed, and I rushed forward, screaming myself as I took hold of her tiny body. She was so small in my arms. Her head rested in my palms, her little legs along my forearms. I looked down at her and felt my chest go tight. Something started choking my throat, something I couldn’t get out. Maddie… Beatrix looked just like Maddie.

“Maddie… help,” I pleaded, but Maddie wasn’t here. We were alone in the cellar. Maddie had died. Maddie had cut her wrists because I’d touched her. “NO!” I screamed when I remembered Maddie on the bed. She’d died after I’d held her hand. My vision blurred. “I can’t do it without you, Maddie. I can’t live without you.” But Maddie was gone. He’d put Beatrix in the cellar with me.

Her skin was hot. Too hot. The flames… the flames… I felt the flames grow hotter in my blood. Beatrix’s skin got hotter and hotter. Then her breathing shallowed. She stared at me the whole time. “No,” I whispered as she started taking strange breaths. “One,” I whispered, trying to keep her breathing, desperately trying not to burn her with my touch.

“Two.” Her breathing got slower and slower, sweat built on her skin. I held her closer. Beatrix, my Beatrix. “No, Please,” I said, then her chest raised again. “Three,” I announced and kept on counting. She couldn’t die. She couldn’t die too. “Four… five… six… seven… eight… nine… ten…” Beatrix went still, then raised her chest again, but her breathing sounded different—it rattled. “Eleven…” I whispered and drops of water from my eyes landed on her hot body.

Then she didn’t move. Her eyes glazed over. She went completely still. No, no, no! “Twelve,” I said, urging her to breathe. But she didn’t breathe again. “Twelve… twelve…” I begged. But her body didn’t move. Her eyes didn’t blink. Her skin began to cool. The flames had taken her, just like they’d taken Maddie. “Beatrix,” I said, but she didn’t cry, she didn’t move. She went cold, but I kept her in my arms.

Her face was perfect, just like Maddie’s. Maddie would kiss her forehead. So I kissed her forehead. “Don’t leave me too,” I pleaded, but her eyes didn’t move. “Don’t go away too,” I begged. But she didn’t cry again. I pulled her to my chest and held her like I’d watched Maddie hold her. I tried to keep her warm, but as hours passed, she got colder and colder. She’d gone. Maddie had gone. Isaiah had gone. They all left me. I hurt them and they left me. Poppa told me they all would, that no one would ever love me, that I was evil…

I lay down, holding Beatrix in my arms. I wanted to go too. I wanted the flames to take me away too. I wanted to be with Maddie and Beatrix. I wanted to be wherever they were… I couldn’t live without them… I couldn’t live without them…

My eyes snapped open and I jumped from the bed. My legs were weak. I held the wall, trying to breathe, trying to fucking breathe!

“Flame?” I heard Maddie’s voice. In my head I saw Maddie dead on the be

d, blood poured from her wrists like mama… Maddie had died… I lifted my head and Maddie was holding Beatrix in her arms. Beatrix was crying. She was crying. The sound hurt my ears. She was hurt. Something was wrong with her.

“Why is she crying?” I asked as Maddie held her close to her chest.

“She is okay, Flame. She had a dirty diaper. And now she is hungry. I am going to feed her.” Maddie shifted Beatrix on her chest and then held out her hand. I shook my head. I didn’t want to touch her. “Come, baby. Sit with us while I feed her.” Maddie smiled, and I felt a fucking crack in my chest. My head was still leaning against the wall. I saw tears fill Maddie’s eyes. She was hurting. I didn’t want her to hurt. “Spend time with us,” she begged. Her voice cracked. It sounded weak.

“I… I have church,” I said. I took my leathers from the chair and pulled them on. I pulled on my cut.

Maddie didn’t move. “Shh,” she whispered to Beatrix. “I think she looks like you,” Maddie said. She turned Beatrix’s face toward me. I dropped my eyes. I couldn’t see her face. In my dream she stopped breathing. She stopped blinking… I killed her. I hurt her.

“I have to go,” I insisted, and walked toward the living room.

“We love you,” Maddie said as I passed. I stopped, feeling as if someone had just taken a battering ram to my fucking stomach.

“I love you too,” I replied, then opened the door to our living room. Ash was coming out of his room.

“Ready?” he asked. I nodded and pushed out of the door to go outside. I jumped on my bike and roared the fucking engine to life. The loud sound blocked out Beatrix’s crying.

“Shit!” Viking said, getting on his bike beside me. “My little princess has got a fucking set of lungs on her.” He smiled. “Takes after her favorite uncle, huh?” He waggled his eyebrows at me.