I want this position--I want it bad. And that's why I'm so nervous. Because the harder you reach for something, the more it hurts when you end up slapping the pavement with your face.
Mrs. Adelstein, Miller Dorsey's secretary, comes out into the hall. "Miss Carpenter? He's ready for you now."
Cheryl gives me the thumbs-up and Bruce smiles. I take another deep breath, then follow Adelstein through the office door, hearing that steady, strong voice in my head.
"You got this, Callie."
~
"Wooooohooo!" My lips pucker as I down a fourth lemon-drop shot. "I can't believe I got it!"
"Of course you got it, girlfriend!" Cheryl yells, even though we're standing right next to each other.
We started out at a hip, too-cool-for-school wine bar--because that's where thirtysomethings are supposed to go to celebrate. But we end up at a dirty dive bar in the seedy end of town because that's where the real fun is.
The large, burly bartender with tattooed arms as big as my head gives Cheryl a smile from beneath his bushy blond beard as he pours us another round. Cheryl catches his smile and bats her false eyelashes.
But they get stuck together, so the overall effect is less flirty, more seizure-like.
Bruce is in the back corner, chatting up a friendly, middle-aged blonde in a tank-top and leather pants. He's charming, suave with the ladies . . . but he also has the "nice guy" curse. It's awful and stereotypical--but true. Bruce is too polite--there's no edge to him, no excitement. I should know. He and I tried dating when we first met, years ago, but it was quickly apparent that the only spark for either of us was a friendship ember.
With one eye open, Cher turns to me, lifting her shot glass. "I just thought of something! This means you can finally move out of that rinky-dink building that's teeming with piss-poor graduate students and move into that place you've been creaming over for years--the one with the seals!"
I still live in the same apartment I lived in my senior year of college. But I've been saving up, year by year, little by little, for a down payment on a beautiful two-bedroom, ocean-front condo in La Jolla.
There's one unit in particular, with a balcony and perfect view of the rocks where seals come to sun every afternoon. It's peaceful and magical--my dream home.
Excitement buzzes up from my toes, spreading through my body, and I feel just like Kate Hudson in Almost Famous.
"It's all happening!" I pick up my glass, sloshing a bit of cloudy liquid because I'm literally bouncing.
And scary-bartender-man raises a glass for himself, toasting with us. "To the seals. Love those fuzzy little fuckers."
~
As the night winds on, me, Cheryl and Bruce get the kind of drunk they make montages out of in the movies. Life is reduced to snapshots of moments--moments like Bruce swinging his ascot over his head like a helicopter blade, like Cheryl dancing on a chair . . . right before she falls off of it, like the three of us forming a personal conga-line and choo-chooing around the bar as "C'Mon Ride the Train" plays from the speakers.
Eventually, we make it back to my tiny one-bedroom apartment. I kick off my shoes in the corner and Cheryl does a trust-fall onto the couch.
Bruce spreads out his sports coat on the beige carpeted floor, then lies on top of it, sighing.
"Oh! Oh," Cheryl yells, reaching into her blouse to pull a balled-up napkin out of her bra, "Look what I got! Mountain Man's number!"
"Mountain Man?" Bruce asks.
"The bartender." She breathes out, then mumbles, "Gonna climb him like a mountain." Cher's an avid climber in her spare time. "He can sink his crampon into me anytime . . ."
Her voice drifts off and I think she's fallen asleep. Until Bruce rips the beige throw pillow out from under her head.
"Hey! What the hell, dude? I need that pillow."
"You have the couch, Cheryl. If you get the couch, I get the pillow," Bruce grumbles.
"I can't lie flat after drinking. My acid reflux will burn a hole in my chest."
And this is how you know you're old.
"You have selective acid reflux," Bruce argues. "You only bring it up when you want something."
"Screw you, Brucey."
Cheryl and Bruce are like a cat and a dog that have been raised in the same house.
"Settle down, children. I have extra pillows and blankets in the closet."
When things are good, it's easy to forget Murphy's Law--anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. But that's when you need to remember it most. Because Murphy's Law is like a quiet snake in the grass at a picnic. When your back is turned, when you're not expecting it . . . that's when it reaches up and sinks its fangs into your left ass cheek.
As I step towards the hall, my phone rings. I try to fish it out of my messy purse, but the little bastard's hiding, so I end up having to dump my whole bag out, pelting Bruce with rogue Tic Tacs as they bounce off the coffee table.
I peer at the screen and see the smiling face of my big sister staring back at me, with my adorable nieces surrounding her, sticking their tongues out. I took the picture last Thanksgiving at Lake Tahoe--where my parents, my sister, and I rented a cabin for the holiday.
It doesn't occur to me that she's calling me at two in the morning. I just answer.
"Hey, Colleen! What's--"
Her words come out in a rush. And I think . . . I think she's crying. Which is weird, because--there's no crying in Colleen. My big sister is rock solid. Badass. She gave birth to three children au natural . . . nothing rattles her.
Only, right now, something definitely has.
"Col, slow down, I can't understand you . . ."
Between my drunkeness and her hiccups--I can barely make out her words.
"Mom . . . Dad . . . car a-acc-accident."
Ohmygod. Oh. My. God.
I turn to Bruce and Cher, instantly stone-cold sober--any thought of my promotion dissipating from my mind like mist in the morning light. There's only one thought, one focus.
"I have to go home."
Chapter Three
Callie
It turns out, Colleen wasn't crying.
She was laughing.
And twelve hours later, while I'm standing in the harsh, white, sunlit hallway, outside my parents' room on the sixth floor of Lakeside Memorial Hospital . . . she's sti
ll chuckling.
"Their legs?" I ask the doctor, hoping I heard her wrong. "They broke their legs?"
I didn't hear wrong.
"That's correct." Dr. Zheng tiredly pushes back her dark hair and adjusts her glasses. "One leg each."
My sister snorts into her hands behind me, sounding like a horny goose.
"I want them to stay in the hospital another day or two for observation, however, given their ages, your parents are in surprisingly good health."
Yeah. It's their vices that keep them young.
My parents sent Colleen and me to Catholic school, but that's not why we were "good girls" growing up. That was because nothing your parents do can ever be cool. It's why some behaviors skip a generation. If your parents have tattoos, tattoos are not cool. If they have long hair, crew cuts are way cooler. If they dress in tied-off, midriff-exposing tops and skin-tight jeans, nuns become your fashion icons.
My parents' heydays were the '70s Disco balls and bell-bottom pants, Woodstock and psychedelic drugs--they ate that stuff up with a spoon . . . literally. And in their minds, it's still the '70s--it will always be the '70s. Lung cancer? It's a conspiracy from the money-hungry medical establishment--go ahead, light up another menthol. Liver disease? It only strikes the weak--pour me another whiskey sour. Monogamy? It's unnatural--where's the next key party? Yeah, before me and my sister came to be, our parents were swingers.
At least, please, for the love of God, let it be "were."
I push that line of thought right out of my head and focus on what Dr. Zheng is saying.
"With their advanced ages, the bones will take much longer to heal. They'll require extensive physical therapy--for months. I've given your sister all the paperwork."
I nod, numbly. "All right. Thank you, Doctor."
I turn around and gape at Colleen, who's leaning her blond head against the wall.
"How did this even happen?" I ask.
My sister holds up her hands. "How it happened? That's a whole other story."
I flinch. "Do I want to hear it?"
"Nope." She grins evilly. "But I had to, so you're going to also."
Colleen fixes her gaze behind me. "Ryan, you're back. Perfect timing."