Frustration stamped Sebastian’s chiseled face as he dropped onto the chaise lounge and plopped a pillow over his lap with a scowl. Knowing why, Taylor smothered a laugh.
“No, it’s fine. We were just trying to decide what to watch.”
“Uh huh. Well, for what it’s worth, I vote for something slightly less X-rated that doesn’t involve the possibility of seeing Baas get naked,” Josh teased. He ducked a decorative pillow as it sailed past his head and hit the window behind him.
“Maybe you should go to your own house then,” Sebastian suggested. “Last time I checked you did still have one of those.”
“Nah, I’m good.” Josh flopped down on the couch and flashed a lopsided grin as he dragged Monique onto the plush cushion beside him. “You already said we could stay. No take backs, buddy.”
Taylor turned, surprised at the soft laugh that came from her lover.
“Perhaps you would like to argue that point with the end of my gun.”
Josh pursed his lips in feigned thought then shook his head. “No, not really. Can’t say that I do, Baas.”
Snorting, Sebastian clicked the TV on. “Then I suggest you shut up.”
Taylor stood back, soaking in their banter. The amusement shining in her lover’s eyes made her heart swell with something close to hope. Maybe having them here would help chase away some of the darkness binding him. Sensing her stare, he peered up at her and offered a brief, boyish grin. She almost melted upon seeing his adorable dimples return. He was so unbelievably handsome when he was happy.
As if reading her thoughts, Sebastian winked and patted the spot beside him. “Get over here. You’ve played hard to get long enough.”
He opened an arm in invitation, and Taylor quickly crawled onto the chaise beside him. Snuggling against his side, she rested her head in the crook of his shoulder. She couldn’t help but trail her fingers over the firm ridges of his abs until Sebastian caught her hand and kissed her fingers in warning. A quick glance at the still lopsided pillow on his lap assured he was suffering enough without the additional torment of her play. Pressing her lips together, she fought a smug smile while Sebastian pulled the plush throw blanket over them and handed her the remote.
Scrolling through the channels, she finally decided on a comedy, figuring they could all use the extra laughs. Cuddling deeper under the blanket, she relished in the luxurious, buttery texture against her skin. It felt like heaven after weeks of getting abraded by stiff, over starched sheets. Gone were the harsh antiseptics and cold, sterile walls of SKALS’ headquarters. Taylor sighed contentedly as the familiar sights and smells of home washed over her. There was no place in the world that she would rather be.
Glancing across the room, she watched Josh tuck Monique beneath his arm and whisper something in her ear. It was such a simple, ordinary moment but being surrounded by their friends and family felt safe—right. Happy, she stifled a yawn and burrowed her nose under the blanket.
“Do you need one of your painkillers?” Sebastian whispered against her temple.
“No. I’m fine. I don’t like those things. It’s bad enough I slept the past three weeks away in recovery.”
“I know, baby, but you still need to rest and I want you to be comfortable.”
“I am comfy, Sebby. I promise.”
Burying his face in her hair, he kissed the top of her head. “Okay, but you tell me if you change your mind.”
Taylor nodded and tried to focus on the movie, but the rhythmic glide of his fingers up and down her spine proved to be too much. She suspected that was his intention. He wanted her to sleep and, when push came to shove, Sebastian always got his way. Soothed by his heat and the steady beat of his heart, she surrendered within minutes.
The house was dark and silent when something pulled her from her sleep. A momentary stab of panic lanced her, until she realized it was just Sebastian scooping her into his arms. She stirred, muttering a sleepy protest, but he hushed her with a reassuring murmur. Winding her arms around his neck, she held on tight as he carried her up the steps. A quick peek behind them revealed Josh and Monique had already headed to bed for the night. Her jaw stretched on a yawn. Settling back down, she rested her head on Sebastian’s shoulder as he pushed open the double doors to the master suite. The huge four-poster bed with its striking black and silver comforter had never looked more inviting.
Sebastian lowered her onto the mattress before he turned to close the doors. After peeling the covers back, she struggled to kick free of her soft, cotton yoga pants. The mere thought of fighting to unhook her bra seemed too exhausting to be worth the effort.
She glanced up in uncertainty as Sebastian approached and sat on the edge of the bed beside her. Without a word, he tugged her shirt over her head and helped her out of the remainder of her clothing. He fluffed her pillows and waited until she sank against them before pulling the blankets up under her chin.
“You’re going to spoil me,” she warned.
His shoulders rose in an unrepentant shrug. “It’s the least I can do. Do you need a drink or anything?”
“I’m fine.”
“Do you want the fireplace lit?”
She shook her head, somewhat baffled by the stream of questions. “I think I’ll be okay with just you to keep me warm. Really, Sebby, I’m fine. I promise. Just stop fussing and come to bed.”
He snorted. “Someone’s getting bossy. That or impatient.”
“I learned it from the best.”
Taylor peered up at him with wide eyes as he loomed over her, his arms braced on either side. She held her breath, mesmerized by his piercing green stare.
“Don’t push your luck, sweetheart.” His expression remained soft, almost reverent as he traced the line of her jaw. “I am sure you have enough regrets as it is.”
Her eyebrows bunched in confusion. “Regrets? What regrets? What are you talking about?”
Shrugging, he rolled onto his back. Pain darkened his handsome features and he stared at the trayed ceiling in silence.
“Sebby, talk to me please?”
His lean body shuddered with his exhale. Sighing, he turned his head and swung his troubled gaze to hers. The apologies written there were devastating.
“I always knew there was a chance my career could come back to bite me one day. I warned you there was a possibility, but I also swore to protect you, Taylor. I gave you my word. A man is nothing if he doesn’t keep his word, and I failed you.”
A crippling sense of panic gripped her as understanding dawned. Rolling onto her side, she cupped his face between her hands.
“What are you talking about? You did everything you possibly could to keep me safe. We live on gated property, we have alarms, you hired a full-blown security team to guard the house twenty-four seven. You went out of your way and did the best that you could for me. What else could you possibly have done?”
“I tried,” he admitt
ed. “But it still wasn’t enough.”
“Seb, if you had been here, you would have died trying to protect me. I know that. Don’t do this, please. There was nothing more you could do. They wiped out our security, and you were miles away getting tortured in some warehouse. We’re both lucky to still be alive.”
He studied her face, his expression hardening. “You just don’t get it, do you? I should have walked away from you in the beginning.”
“Walked away? Josh was going to kill me,” she exclaimed. “You saved me that day.”
“I should have never dragged you into this mess, Taylor, but I did and look what happened. You don’t know how much I want to believe otherwise, but nothing I have ever given you is worth what you’ve just been through.”
Her heart shattered. For him. For her. For both of them. She couldn’t breathe. Tears pricked her eyes, blinding her. They rolled in scalding paths over her cheeks. “How could you think that? I love you. Don’t I show that enough?” she asked, choking on the words. “Don’t you believe me? How can I prove that to you? What else do I have to do?”
His mouth fell open and his face crumpled as the air left him in a ragged exhale. He looked utterly horrified. Rolling on top of her, he smoothed his hands over her face, his expression hurt and pleading. “Shh, Taylor, no. That’s not what I meant. Of course, you show me, baby. You show me that every day.”
“Even if I could go back and change things somehow, I would never give up everything we have together just to avoid going through that one bad thing. You’re worth it to me. I need you, Sebby. You’re all I have left. Please don’t push me away. Please…”
He rested his forehead against hers for a long moment. His fingers danced over her cheeks, stroking them, slowly wiping the tears away. Holding her chin, he plied her with a tender kiss, his body shuddering against hers. Still keeping his hold, he stared down at her and searched her face through the shadows.
“Promise me you’re going to be all right and that we will be okay.”