In the Unlikely Event

“Whenever you’re ready.”

I read it first.

In the unlikely event.

He knows it. I know it. Still, you can’t make someone be with you. You can’t force them to commit to something doomed. I have no plans of moving to Ireland after I graduate, and Mal’s entire life is here.

I amend my name to Aurora Belle Jenkins, so he’ll know it—I already want him to cheat—and sign. I consider only briefly the fact that I never told him my middle name, and he’s referred to it. He takes a picture of the napkin and passes me my camera. “Your copy of the agreement, for safekeeping.”

Mal tucks the napkin into his back pocket and takes a sip of his Guinness.

“I mean it.” He shrugs. “I’m getting this notarized and apostilled.”

“I know.” I throw another chip into my mouth, trying to act nonchalant.

“Let’s just hope I don’t die from heartbreak first.” He downs the rest of his Guinness.

I think about Kathleen’s open arms and the herd of girls who follow him everywhere.

“Oh, I think you’ll survive.”

A NOTE FROM THE NAPKIN

Look, I don’t have high hopes for this spur-of-the-moment contract. You think it’s my first rodeo? I’m recycled, bitch. I’ve been around the block—long enough to know how this works. They will keep their promise for a few weeks. Maybe a month, if they’re really into each other. Then I’ll start to wrinkle, stink, and fall apart, or his mother will find me and throw me away, muttering profanity at her untidy son, who, of course, by that time will be balls deep in someone else and not actually present.

I’m just the victim of their knee-jerk decision. I should have died gracefully, in a recycling bin, tucked comfortably among other napkins, plastic bottles, and stray leftovers the workers here are too lazy to scrape off to the other bin.

Also, and not on a completely unrelated note, I have a ketchup stain the size of a pea on the word casualties, and it itches like hell.

This has mess written all over it.

When we reach Dublin Airport, I fling my backpack over one shoulder, grab my suitcase from Mal’s trunk, and insist he doesn’t come in with me. He double parks, rounding the car on a jog.

“I hate airport scenes in movies. They’re morbidly tacky. We’re better than that, Mal.” I tuck my hair behind my ears, chuckling at my feet.

Truth is, I’m already crushed, and if we share any more intimate moments, I might spend the entire trip home crying, which would be beyond embarrassing.

He rubs his thumb over my lower lip, smiling. “Safe travels.”

“Thanks.” But I’m still standing here like an idiot. Waiting for…what, exactly?

I don’t want to go. I don’t want to leave you.

I remember something important. I unzip my suitcase, rummaging for my Polaroid camera. When I find it, I jump up and take a picture of us together. I hand it to him.

“It’s not fair that I’ll have all these pictures of us, and you’ll have nothing.”

“I won’t have nothing,” he amends, smiling. “I’ll have the memory.”

“And our contract.” I squeeze his shoulder, but I can already feel our bodies growing apart. Like we’re strangers again. “You’ll have that, too.”

He rolls his eyes. “Let’s hope I don’t wank on it to death the first week you’re gone.”

I laugh and glance at the napkin in question, relieved that it’s an inanimate object, but it’s a mirthless kind of laugh.

He takes my face in his hands and kisses me so deeply I lose balance. His heart is beating so fast and hard, it sounds like it could tear his chest open. Maybe, I think desperately, it should. I want to snatch it and take it with me—somewhere Kathleen won’t be able to get to it.

We disconnect slowly, like we’re glued together.

“Don’t be with Kathleen.” I look up at his face, whispering, “She doesn’t kill you.”

That Bukowski quote pops into my head: “Find what you love and let it kill you.” I think I just did.

“I won’t. Don’t be with a stupid, shiny guy with boiled balls. You were born for greatness, Princess.”

“I won’t.” I smile.

He lifts my chin with his finger so our eyes lock and says, “Ask me again.”

I don’t need clarification on this. I know. I know because I feel it, too, and it cracks my resolve. I press my palm against his chest, monitoring his heartbeat.

“Have you ever been in love?” I can’t swallow the emotions lodging in my throat.

He grins down at me. “Goodbye, Rory.”

My eyes flare, but I grin. “Bastard!”

“What?” He laughs.

I laugh, too. This time it’s a real laugh. We both needed this, I realize. An icebreaker.

“Why did you tell me to ask you this if the answer is no?”

“I didn’t say the answer is no.” He runs his hands along my arms. “But if I admitted it to you, I’d admit it to myself. Then I’d have to look for you, and that’d be a breach of contract. You have to understand, Rory, next time I see you, I’ll have you. I won’t care if you have a boyfriend, or a husband, or a harem of men vying for your love. If you have children, I’ll raise them as mine. So, I guess an apology is in order.”