Playing with Fire

This was her own chance for rebirth. To become a phoenix. To start over, spread her wings and fly.

Why had I waited this long? What was I so scared of? Why couldn’t I give her the gift of being treated the way she deserved?

Because I felt guilty. And guilt drives you to do mad things, as West proved to me.

Nurse Aimee led us to the reception area, where she entertained Grams while I went through all the paperwork with the director in the back office one more time.

Every time I glanced at Grams and Aimee through the glass window of the office, my heart was about to burst.

That was how I knew I’d done the right thing.

I spent six hours in Heartland Gardens, helping Grams settle into her new room. Her roommate, Ethel, was indeed there, for all of ten minutes, quickly greeting her hello, asking if she needed any help, and when Grams said her beautiful granddaughter had it covered, Ethel excused herself and dashed out, because she didn’t want to miss the hot yoga class.

“I’m not ashamed to say I am completely enamored with a certain gentleman.” She winked at my grandmother. Grams’ eyebrows shot up to her silver curls.

“I didn’t know people here are datin’.”

“Oh, they are, sometimes. But I’m talkin’ about the thirty-year-old fitness instructor! He’s the one we’re drooling over.”

Nurse Aimee, Grams, and Ethel all burst out laughing. I grinned to myself, folding all her clothes in her closet and arranging her toiletries on her nightstand the way she liked them.

Saying goodbye was the hardest part. I knew it was time to leave, but I didn’t want to go before I knew what her reaction would be when she was the other Grams. The one who still thought I was Courtney or the Devil’s daughter.

“Just go. It’s not going to get any easier if you stick around to see the meltdown. And the meltdown will come. They always do. Besides, right after we get those test results back, we can adjust her medicine accordingly, and her mood swings will subside,” Aimee reassured me.

I wanted to tell her Grams was taking no medicine whatsoever for her condition but ended up just nodding. She was right. I couldn’t keep Grams under wraps from the world forever.

Still, when I got back into the pickup, all I did for the first ten minutes was stare at the facility and let the guilt consume me. Grandma Savvy had raised me. She’d been the only mother I’d ever known. And now I was going to see her over the weekends, only for brief visits. I wouldn’t live with her anymore. It was the end of an era.

I reached for my glove compartment and took out something Karlie had written to me. A letter she’d asked me to open only after I was done today. I guess she wanted to make sure I’d see it through.

I removed the letter from the envelope.

Shaw,

You did the right thing. I’m proud of you. Now take off that broken flame ring. You are better than holding on to the ashes of your mother.

#PhoenixForTheWin.

—Karlie.

My eyes filled with tears. I did as she asked. Took off the ring and placed it in the envelope, resealing it. The paper between my fingertips was wet with my tears. I put it away on the passenger seat, sniffing and reaching for my phone for the first time in hours.

I swiped my finger across the screen, and my breath caught in my throat.

Twenty-five unanswered calls.

Easton Braun.

Maybe: Tess Davis.

Karlie Contreras.

Blocked Number.

There were text messages, too:

Easton Braun: It’s Easton. Tried to call you.

Easton Braun: Pls call me back.

Easton Braun: It’s an emergency. Please.

Tess Davis: Did you hear about West???

Tess Davis: Aren’t you going to do something about it?

Karlie: You need to call me when you see this.

Easton Braun: PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE GRACE.

Tess Davis: Let me know if you need to talk.

Karlie: Seriously. The world is imploding and you’re probably playing bingo with Agnes and Elmer over there, Shaw.

I deliberately hadn’t checked my phone today, because I didn’t want any interruptions, and I definitely didn’t want to know the outcome of West’s fight with Appleton.

Finally, I snapped out of my shock and decided to call Easton. I knew he was the person who was most likely to be next to West, so it made sense to call him first.

He picked up before the line even connected. So fast I was pretty sure we were calling each other at the same time.

“Hello? Easton? It’s Grace.”

“Grace!” he bellowed, sounding out of breath. I heard his footsteps squeaking on a linoleum floor. “Jesus Christ, the whole world has been looking for you.”

“Is he okay?” Despite my best efforts, my voice shook.

I didn’t want to care.

Then Easton asked the one question no recipient of bad news wants to hear.