Blood to Dust

“What about Vallejo?” I ask.

“Preston is with Camden.” She smiles. “I can feel it. Besides, you’re right, if he’s in Vallejo, I can come back for him when we’re no longer wanted.”

I tilt an imaginary hat down.

The drive to SFO is so quick, we barely have time to catch our breaths.

My baby has just one final piece to glue together before her soul is whole again. I intend to help her in any way I can.

Fake passports or not, both Nate and I are a wreck when we show our IDs at the security check-in point. Every law enforcement official in the state is probably looking for him by now, and unfortunately, his good looks, endless tattoos and huge frame only work against us in this case. His face is ridiculously memorable.

We ask the girl behind the United Airlines counter for two tickets to London, first flight out. I shift my weight from foot to foot, chewing on the inside of my cheeks and gawking at everyone and everything like they mean me harm.

Nate is stoic, quiet and peaceful, but he’s also human. There’s a storm inside him too, he’s just better at hiding it.

“Ma’am?” Her forehead crinkles, and I shake my head.

“My father’s just died and I need to hurry make it for the funeral,” I tell her from behind my big shades, even though it’s nearly dawn. That’s the only way I can justify the sunglasses.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” The young woman puts one manicured hand over her chest and moves her attention to my companion. Her eyes glint with something, and for a second, I worry that she recognizes Nate. But no. It is not recognition that peaks her interest. It’s the fact that he is a walking, talking masterpiece.

“Sir, may I have your passport please?” She offers a smile, and he hands her Christopher Delaware’s passport.

“Mr. Delaware,” she mumbles to herself. He nods once. She begins punching information into her touch screen monitor, her gaze scrutinizing. I want to yell at her to stop, but know that it’s a less than stellar idea.

My heart pounds violently, and I feel it everywhere in my body, down to my fingertips. Behind the shades, my eyes land on a photocopy taped to the woman’s workstation. It is one of several labeled as “no fly,” staring up at her—Nathaniel Vela’s face is included.

Shit, shit, shit.

I’m trying to tell myself that he looks different now. He hasn’t shaved in weeks and his slicked back hair is a tousled mess of curls. Nate has changed after what we’ve been through. He’s older, colder.

She takes my passport again and examines the picture, lifting her eyes back to me and dropping them down to the picture. Chills run down my arms and back. I am the person in the picture. Then why is it so difficult to breathe?

My eyes are twitching and I want to scratch my face until I peel it off completely. She could put a stop to our whole journey. I can’t let that happen.

Another glance at the passport.

Another glance back at me.

Happy thoughts.

Listening to The Lovecats by The Cure on repeat.

Being kissed by a puppy, wet, smelly tongue and all.

Nate looking at me.

Nate smiling at me.

Nate inside me.

Nate, Nate, Nate.

Why didn’t we cross the border to Mexico by car? How could I have been such a fool?

She picks up the phone at her station. No. Please don’t do this.

She speaks into the phone, but I can’t hear what she’s saying. The air around me is white and thick with panic. Nate grabs my hand and squeezes it hard. This can’t be happening to us.

I want to scream, to go back in time, to choose another desk, another flight. Another plan. I should have paid more attention to who would be serving us.

No. No. No.

Her manager arrives. He’s a man. I can’t see anything else about him through the blur of tears. He’s asking me questions. My date of birth and other stuff I answer on autopilot. I remember Cockburn’s date of birth because I did my homework.

Long minutes pass, but they let us go. When they do, I’m dripping in cold sweat. I’m so clammy, my sockless feet squeak inside my ankle boots.

When we get the passports back with the tickets tucked inside, I shriek in relief. We pass security, despite our backpack being stuffed full of cash. My boyfriend grabs me by the waist and guides me to the terminal. We jog across the airport. We don’t have any bags. Just my one backpack. This could probably raise some questions, but no one seems to notice. We just need to get on that plane and everything will be okay.

Time.

I want it to move quickly and see me through to the other side of the planet.

Nate slumps into one of the plastic chairs at the gate as we wait for our flight to board and I buy us some Jamba Juice. His face is covered by the hoodie and he keeps quiet. I rest my head on his thigh and curl into a ball. We’re too nervous to talk. Too nervous to even blink. We just sit there. Two mute people, wishing we were invisible for the duration of the flight.