A Madness of Sunshine

That was where this had begun. And that was where it would end.

Making the drive to the cliffs, Will headed down to the part of the beach where Anahera had dragged up Miriama’s body. It was now marked by flowers put there by her friends and family. The crime scene tape had been blown away that first night, ­but—­and though both Pastor Mark and the local kaumātua had come and said a blessing over the ­area—­nothing could erase what had taken place there.

Dominic knelt beside the flowers, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed. Will made no attempt to hide his footsteps. The sand absorbed all sound regardless. So he did a wide circle that would bring him within Dominic’s peripheral vision, but the doctor didn’t show any awareness of his presence.

He didn’t react even when Will sat down on the sand next to him, having already mentally patted him ­down—­Dominic was wearing only a thin white shirt and a pair of dark brown pants that looked like they might go with a suit jacket. The wind pasted the clothing against his body with every small gust. It was obvious he had nothing hidden on him, and all he held in his hands was a bracelet.

It sparkled silver and gold and bronze in the sunlight.

“Is that Miriama’s?” Will had seen the shine of it on her wrist more than once.

Dominic gave a jerky nod before lifting the bracelet to his mouth and pressing a kiss to it while tears ravaged his face. “Her favorite,” he said. “She left it at my place the last time she stayed over.”

Dropping his hands to his thighs, the bracelet still clutched in the fingers of one hand, the young doctor stared out at the water. “I still can’t believe she’s gone. She was so alive, so vibrant. My sunshine.”

Will had situated himself so he could see Dominic’s face. Now he saw that the grief was real. “I just came from talking to Dr. Richard Symon.”

It seemed as if it was relief that swept across Dominic’s face. “Oh,” he said, staring down at the bracelet again. “I knew someone would, eventually.”

“We all just assumed you were Miriama’s doctor,” Will said. “Small town and all that.”

“I could’ve had my registration yanked if someone had wanted to make trouble and say that I’d seduced a patient.” Dominic swallowed hard. “She never had reason to come to the clinic after I took over from Dr. Wong. Once we got together and I figured out she was on the clinic roll, I referred her to Dr. Symon. Keep all the ethical lines clear, you know.”

Will nodded. “It was a good thing you did,” he said. “You should’ve left it at that.”

Another burst of sobs, Dominic’s face breaking apart in front of Will. Falling back to sit on the sand with his knees raised, he banged his head against the bracelet. “I just got so worried,” he said after a long time, his voice raw. “She was going to see the doctor more times than she should. When I asked her, she’d say, ‘Kāore he raru. Don’t worry, lover.’ She was just feeling a little off, and wanted to check her iron levels since she used to have low iron as a girl.”

Raising his head, the other man stared out at the water again. “I didn’t quite believe her, but I let it go. I thought it might be something a woman would consider ­embarrassing—­it’s funny how people can be, even with a doctor. I never wanted her to feel that way with me.”

“When did you find out?” Will asked.

“We’d been dating a couple of days shy of three months when she came to me all nervous and said, she was sorry, but that her birth control looked like it had failed. She was pregnant, and did I mind very much?”

His laugh was wet with tears. “Mind? I was ecstatic. I thought that meant she belonged to me now. I promised her we’d marry before she began to show, so none of the gossips would have a go at her. I said I’d give her a proper proposal, not cheat her out of anything. I already had the ring, knew how I wanted to ask.” The echo of happiness weaving through his voice.

Will didn’t interrupt. Sometimes, the best way to interrogate someone was to just let them talk. And it looked like Dominic de Souza had been waiting to talk for a long time. Unlike with Vincent, it wasn’t bragging. It was a desperate catharsis.

“I was so excited that we had this secret between us. I felt as if I’d burst if I didn’t tell someone, but the only other person I could talk to about it was Dr. Symon.” He played compulsively with the bracelet. “I resisted for a week, then finally picked up the phone. He congratulated me after I told him that Miriama had shared the news. I didn’t want to put him in a tough situation, wanted him to know I already knew.”

Will nodded, though the two men had been skirting ethical lines at best at that point. Still, if it had ended there, everything would’ve been fine and Miriama would still be alive.

“I was joking about how I was acting like all the silly expectant fathers we heard stories about in medical school. How I had the same fears and the same worries even though I knew Miriama was young and fit and probably in the best condition possible for a woman to give birth.”

“You were happy.”

Dominic’s smile was twisted. “I was. That’s why it took a little while for it to sink in when Dr. Symon said I must’ve gotten Miriama pregnant the first time we were together, for her to be three months along.” He stared at the bracelet with a fixed gaze. “He was doing that ­nudge-­nudge ­wink-­wink thing between guys, congratulating me on my prowess. And he was so involved in it that he didn’t notice I’d gone silent.”

Dropping his head, he said nothing for long, ­wind-­lashed minutes. When he looked back up, ­tears—­silent and ­hot—­ravaged his cheeks. “I hung up soon afterward, then I went through all our photos together just to be sure I wasn’t wrong. I knew I wasn’t wrong. But I had to be sure, you see, I had to be absolutely sure.”

His breathing was uneven now. “I always took photos on our dates. And I took a photo the night Miriama and I ­first… when we were first together that way. It was of the two of us sitting on the beach, her hair blowing back in the wind while I wore this goofy look on my face. Just after that photo was taken, she put her arms around my neck and kissed me and said, ‘Let’s go to your place.’ ”

One hand dug into the sand by his side, clenched hard. “I’d been hoping, but I’d never pushed because I knew how much her faith meant to her. But that day, the same day she got back from an appointment with Dr. Symon, she said yes. And I didn’t know how brainless I was then, didn’t know how she was using me. I was happy.”

“Why?” Will asked, so that Dominic de Souza could no longer lie to himself about ending the sunshine.

“Because she already knew she was pregnant,” he said. “Before we ever slept together. I wonder how she planned to explain the baby to me when it arrived two months early. Did she think I’d buy a premature birth story? I’m a fucking doctor.”

“According to her journal,” Will said, “she thought you were a good man, a man she could have a future with, a man she was starting to love. I think she would’ve told you the truth if you’d given her a chance.”

Dominic turned eyes mad with grief toward him. “Please don’t say that. Please don’t say that.”