“Son, being leader of The Fellowship is a double-edged sword.” Finally someone besides Abram speaks up. “As a leader, you are entitled to choices the brothers aren’t—yet you’re accountable to them. A good leader must lead by good example,” my father says.
I can’t believe he’s talking to me as though he didn’t once experience the same issue. “You mean, the way you were a fine example when you were having an affair with the American blackjack dealer?” I need him to remember what it was like to love a woman who isn’t a part of our circle.
“Amanda wasn’t living with me in the middle of the brotherhood. She was in the US where she had no contact with any of them. I kept her secret, as you should have with Bleu. Too late for that now.”
Mitch holds his open palms in the air. “Who are we talking about?”
“Dad’s American lover,” I answer.
“What? Does Mum know?”
“It was years ago, Mitch.” Dad sighs. “Let us get back to the reason we’re here. I think we can all see that Sinclair is choosing to continue his relationship with Miss MacAllister. The floor is open for suggestions.”
“Sinclair’s traineeship will be over very soon. I think it’s critical for the vitality of the brotherhood that he end this affair with the American now so he can marry from within The Fellowship. It’s time for him to choose a wife.”
Mum says Abram wants me to marry Westlyn. Let’s see if my mother knows what she’s talking about. “Do you have a suggestion on the woman I should choose?”
“I do. I believe Westlyn would make you a fine wife.”
“Dad!” Jamie says, clearly outraged. “You can’t be serious. They’re cousins.”
“Not by blood. His union with your sister would strengthen The Fellowship far more than the daughter of another brother.”
He should know now there’s no hope in this plan. “I can never marry Westlyn.”
“Because of the American!”
“My decision has nothing to do with Bleu.”
“If you spent time with her, I think you’d change your mind,” Abram says.
I’ve spent my entire life around her. “I can never see Westlyn as anything but my younger cousin. I can’t do it.” I knew they’d begin pressuring me about a wife, but I thought I’d at least make it out of my traineeship first. “I’ll choose a wife when the time comes but until then, I’m not giving up Bleu.”
“Then I have a suggestion for how to make this work,” Abram says. “Bleu must become one of us.”
He isn’t suggesting I marry her. That wouldn’t suit his plan. “By what means?”
“Initiation.”
“Women aren’t initiates,” Mitch argues. “It isn’t done.”
“It’s never been done. There’s a difference,” Abram says. “We’re living in a world of equal rights. Who says a woman can’t be an initiate?”
I should have expected something like this from him.
He means for her to be beaten—to be put through endurance in the name of the brotherhood. He thinks she’d fail but I know better. No woman in this world is stronger than my Bonny Bleu. But I won’t allow her to be hurt because it’s what Abram wants. “No! No member of this brotherhood will ever strike her.”
“Miss MacAllister will never be accepted as long as she remains an outsider. Initiation is the only way to make her one of us.”
I could force them to accept Bleu by making her my wife, but marriage isn’t something either of us wants. It’s a permanent solution for a temporary problem.
Again, Abram is right. Initiation is the only way the brotherhood will accept her as one of our own. But there’s no way I’ll permit her to be put through the endurance. “Okay. She will become one of us through initiation with me standing in as her substitutionary atonement.”
“No. It has to be her.”
“Our men often stand in their wives’ place for atonement,” I argue. I have him on this one.
“He has a point, Abram,” my father agrees. “It is an acceptable practice for a brother to take the place of his woman if he so chooses. This is no different.”
I don’t give him time to argue. “Then it’s decided. Bleu will participate in a formal initiation ceremony and I’ll stand in as her substitute for the endurance portion. When it’s done, she’ll be one of us and her loyalty will never be questioned again.”
“Sin, are you sure you want to do that?” Jamie asks. “You know how many don’t make it through to the end.”
I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. “I might not be able to take it for me, but I can take it for her.”
“This is so fucking stupid.” Mitch slams his hand on the table. “Dad! Tell him he can’t do this.”
“I agree it’s the only solution that will be accepted by the brothers. It sets a high standard for what is expected. They will respect him for such a sacrifice and it’ll prove his genuine belief that Bleu will be a trustworthy member.” I think I see pride in my father’s eyes. “This is the decision of a true leader.”
Abram is clearly pissed off. He’s losing this battle—as well as his footing at the top—and we both know it. “Someone call Ferguson and tell him to meet us at the black site. We have a new initiate for him.”
* * *
Alec Ferguson secures two metal chains around my wrists. “I don’t want to do this to ye, boss.”
I’m sure he doesn’t. No one in their right mind would want to beat their future leader within an inch of his life.
The thing about your brothers is that you’ve known them your entire life, unless they’re initiates. It makes it a little more difficult to inflict pain on someone you once played tag with. “It’s fine, Alec. No worries. I’ll not hold it against you.”
The chain tightens when he uses a pulley to lift my arms over my head. “I shouldn’t be doing this. It doesn’t feel right.”
“How is Shona? I’ve not seen her in a while.”
“She’s large,” he says. “Our third is due in three weeks but I don’t think she’ll last till the end of the week. They tell us we’re getting a girl this time. Shona’s really excited about buying little pink dresses.”
“Then congratulations are in order.”
Alec married Shona several years ago but I can’t recall the circumstances of their union. “Was your marriage arranged or did you pick your wife?”
“We chose one another. Her father didn’t care for me much, though. He thought she could marry better—someone more like Jamie or Leith.”
“Do you love her?” I ask.
“Verra much.”
He pulls the chain until I’m on the tips of my toes—and prosthesis. I’m not sure how this is going work out. “What wouldn’t you do to have Shona in your life?”
“There’s nothi
n’ I wouldn’t do for her or oor babies.”
He locks the chain in place so I’m dangling like a side of beef in a meat house. “Then you must understand why I’d voluntarily do this. I chose to take my lass’s place, to endure the pain intended for her, so she doesn’t have to suffer for a life she’s yet to fully understand.”
“I get it now, boss.”
“I hope the brothers do as well.”
“They’ve been a bit outraged by ye sneaking around with the American. They feel betrayed but what ye’re doing now is going to change everything about the way they feel. No one in a leadership role has ever done something like this. Ye’re choosing to lower yourself from a place of high regard to obtain their permission instead of forcing it on them. This is ye asking your people to approve of a lass ye trust. This will sit well with the brothers.”
“I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
“Whether ye realized it at the time, this is a verra good decision for ye.” He grins. “And it doesn’t hurt that ye’ll get your lass. She’s a bonny one, that Miss Bleu.”
“Yes, she’s very bonny, indeed.” I can tell he’s preparing for the first blow. “No special treatment. This is being recorded as proof for the brotherhood. I don’t want anyone to claim I had it easy. My only request is that you not hit my left leg below the knee. It still requires therapy.”
“Of course. I trust ye’re familiar with the process?” Alec asks.
“I am.” It’s been years since I’ve attended an endurance, but I remember how brutal they are. “Let’s begin. I’m ready to get this over with.”
The first blow is to my lower back, right over my left kidney. “Uhh … ” It hurts so badly, I almost piss myself.
“Sorry, boss.”
“No apologies every time you strike me or this could take all night. Keep going so we can get it over with quicker.”
“As you say, sir.”
The next blow is over my other kidney. I think it hurt worse than the first blow. “I should probably expect to piss blood for a while, wouldn’t you think?”
“Probably.”