Lena narrowed her eyes at Jared. He was giving her shit again.
He said, “Trust me, as soon as Sid Waller’s dead, Chief Gray is gonna get out of the Big Whitey business. It’s just too dangerous for him right now. And we both know he lost his edge when his son died.”
“Right,” Lena said, her tone matching his. “Lonnie Gray is going to back down for the first time in his life.”
The nurse handed Jared a fresh box of tissues. He told her, “Thank you,” then pivoted back to Lena. “Maybe Lonnie is really Big Whitey. Did you ever think about that?” The door clicked shut. He grinned at Lena. “How crazy would that be? Chief Gray is secretly a dope-swingin’ kiddie pimp.”
“Stop talking out of your ass.” Lena grabbed some tissues and blew her nose as loudly as she could. She hated that his stupid idea actually made a weird kind of sense. Gray had started out in Florida. Over the years, he’d either worked or consulted in several towns up and down the coast, including Savannah. All the mayhem they were seeing in Macon had coincided with Gray coming on board. If Denise was right and there was a mole in the department, then it had to be a mole who knew everything. What better cover was there than being the chief of police?
And what bigger idiot was there than a woman who believed every harebrain theory that came out of her husband’s mouth? Less than five minutes ago, Jared was saying Big Whitey didn’t even exist. Last week he claimed he’d heard from a guy that Fort Knox had been robbed of all the country’s gold. Why on earth was she listening to him now?
Lena shook her head, hoping to God she was suffering from pregnancy hormones and not losing her mind.
He asked, “Why are you shaking your head?”
She didn’t answer, knowing there was no point. “I’m stressed about the raid crapping out. Denise and I are both putting our asses on the line over this, and you know Lonnie doesn’t forgive or forget.”
Jared moderated his tone. “Lookit, something will come up.” He waited for her to blow her nose again. “Something always comes up. You’re a good cop, babe. You’re smart and driven and you never give up. You’ll make it happen.”
Lena couldn’t help it. There was something about the way he looked at her that made her want to cry again. She slipped her hand into his. Jared’s arm tensed, but he didn’t pull away. He wasn’t used to affection. His mother was a cold fish. Lena had never once seen Nell touch any of them. Of course, Lena wasn’t the clingy type, either. She couldn’t explain why touching Jared was the only thing that soothed her nerves lately. This wasn’t the kind of thing she could ask Dr. Benedict about. She’d tried to look it up on the Internet, but most of the pregnant women online seemed to hate their husbands. And there were only a limited number of phrases you could Google on pregnancy before you were inundated with some seriously disgusting porn.
Jared asked, “You okay?”
She chewed her lip, silently willing herself not to start crying again.
He turned sheepish. “You know I love you, right?”
“Yeah,” she managed. “Tell me that when I look like I should be swimming in a tank at SeaWorld.”
“Babe, as long as you keep getting big in other places, I’m fine.”
Lena rolled her eyes. Then she jerked her hand away when the door opened.
Dr. Benedict walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He told Lena, “I’m sorry I kept you waiting.”
Jared winked at Lena. This was the first thing the man said every time he entered the room. They joked that his wife probably heard the same thing when they were in bed.
“Lie back for me.” Benedict pulled out the extension on the table.
Lena laid her head on the pillow and straightened her legs. She looked up at Jared. He put his hand on her forehead. The move was clumsy—more like he was checking her for a fever—but she didn’t complain.
Benedict turned on the ultrasound machine. Unceremoniously, he lifted the paper gown. Lena saw what she’d been denying all week. Her underwear was tight. Pretty soon, it would be rolling under her stomach like a rubber band. She looked up at Jared, expecting a joke. He wasn’t laughing. He was watching the monitor, even though nothing was on the screen yet.
Benedict shook the bottle of gel over Lena’s stomach. “A little cold,” he said, sounding just as practiced as usual. He squeezed the bottle. Nothing came out. He told Lena, “Just a moment,” then rolled his chair over to the door. He called into the hallway, “Could you bring me some more gel?”
He rolled his chair back to the table. His cold hands touched Lena’s stomach as he felt around for things he didn’t bother to articulate. She wondered again if she should’ve gone to a female doctor. Then again, her regular doctor was a woman and she had the bedside manner of a dingo.
The door opened again. Lena was glad her feet weren’t up in the stirrups. The hall was filled with people.
“Here you go.” The nurse was the same one who’d brought the tissues. She handed the doctor a new bottle of gel. “I got this off the warmer?”
Lena didn’t know which was more annoying—the way the woman raised her voice at the end of the sentence or the fact that no one had warmed the first bottle.
Benedict didn’t seem to notice the difference. He shook the bottle and repeated, “A little cold.”
Lena looked up at Jared as the warm fluid hit her skin. He winked at her again. She felt the ultrasound probe press against her belly. The fat rolled around in a way she wasn’t ready to acknowledge. Instead, Lena watched the monitor, the shifting white and black folds.
This was really the stupidest thing she’d ever done. Lena understood why the doctor had to see the image, but there was no reason for Jared to watch her insides get pushed around. There was a pregnant secretary at the station who framed every ultrasound photo she got. Lena couldn’t walk through the office without tracking the progress of the weird little alien blob. It seemed like nothing was private anymore.
Benedict’s eyebrows were furrowed. He stared at the screen as he pressed the probe harder.
Lena asked the words she’d been dreading. “Is something wrong?”
Benedict didn’t answer, which made it ten times worse.
The nurse said, “Listen.” She turned one of the dials on the machine. A slow wah-wah sound came out of the speakers, like something you’d hear in a submarine movie.
Lena thought she’d missed whatever she was supposed to listen for, then the rapid thump-thump-thump of a heartbeat filled the room.
Jared gasped. “Is that the—” He looked down at Lena. “It’s the heartbeat.” He pressed his hand to her chest, felt for her heart.
“It’s different.”
He was right. Lena’s heart was beating its usual slow rhythm, while the baby’s heart sounded like the wings of a hummingbird fluttering against a windowpane.
The nurse said, “See your baby?”
Lena looked at the monitor. Nestled inside the folds was a little black dot. Dr. Benedict moved his hand around, and the dot turned into a bean. Lena could see the heart flashing.
“Holy shit,” Jared whispered. “Holy shit.”
Lena heard herself thinking the same words in her head. How had they done this? How had they created something so perfect? She couldn’t take her eyes off the little bean. The round edges, the curve in the center that was going to be a stomach. Soon, the bean would sprout real arms and legs, and a head with sweet little eyes and a crescent-shaped mouth.