Playing Nice

“There’ll be plenty more of that before the weekend’s over. I’ll call a cleaner. And find you something for him to be sick in.”

She brings us a cardboard bedpan. Theo has by now gone hot and sticky and doesn’t want to leave Pete’s arms, so I sit beside them, holding it. He vomits three more times before he eventually perks up.

“I think we can probably risk the journey home now,” Pete says.

The nearest parking space we can find is a street away from where we live, so it’s only when we reach our house on foot, with Pete carrying a tired and floppy Theo, that we see Miles and Lucy outside our front door. Miles is holding a backpack.

“What the hell?” I say to Pete under my breath.

“Don’t ask me.” He sounds mystified. “Miles did mention something about teaching Theo to throw a rugby ball. But we never made a firm arrangement.”

“Bugger.” I plaster a smile across my face. “Hi there!”

“Hey, big man!” Miles says to Theo. “Hey Pete, Maddie. Lucy’s baked cookies.”

“And brought you a bottle of wine,” Lucy says anxiously. “I hope you don’t mind us randomly turning up like this. We were just around the corner, and David’s with the nanny, so…”

“No, it’s great to see you!” I say brightly. “Though it’s lucky you found us in, actually. We’ve just been to the emergency room.”

“Nothing dramatic, I hope?” Miles looks concerned.

“Only a bit of salt Theo swallowed. We’re all a bit hot and vomitty, I’m afraid.”

“Then it’s a bad time,” Miles says, picking up on my hint. “We’ll come back another day.” He reaches into his backpack and pulls out a foam rugby ball. “I’ll leave this with you. I bought it on the interweb—apparently they’re easier to catch than those little leather ones.”

Theo immediately reaches for the ball, perking up as always at the sight of a new toy. Pete says, “Well, maybe we could give it a quick try. The park’s only just around the corner.”

“Shouldn’t Theo be taking it easy for a while?” I ask pointedly.

“We won’t be long,” he says mildly. “The nurse said to stay quiet for an hour or two, after all, and we’re well beyond that. What do you say, Theo? Quiet time or park?”

“Park!” Theo says immediately, as Pete surely knew he would.

* * *

—

“THEY’RE ALL GETTING ON like a house on fire, aren’t they?” Lucy says, when they’ve gone and I’m making the two of us tea.

I nod, though actually I’m wondering about the origins of that phrase. Are houses on fire really a good thing? Or is it one of those innocuous idioms that actually refer to some horrible disaster, like the Great Fire of London or the Black Death?

“Miles really likes Pete,” she adds. “This is so good for him. He doesn’t have many male friends.”

“Really?” I’m surprised. I’d assumed someone as good-looking and charming as Miles would have a huge social circle.

“He used to see a lot of his rugby teammates, the Mayfair Mayflies. But then he damaged his knee and had to stop playing. And he works in a very small office now he’s left Hardings and set up on his own—it’s just him and three others.”

I nod. “It’s the same for Pete, working from home. There’s a group of dads from the NICU who meet up occasionally, but most of the time they only seem to interact on DadStuff.” I glance at her. “Thank you for liking those pictures of Theo, by the way.”

“Oh, they’re gorgeous. Miles enjoys going through them over a drink when he gets back from work. Most of those likes were his, actually.”

“Miles uses your Facebook account?” I say, surprised.

Lucy nods. “He doesn’t have one of his own—he always used to say he didn’t know why people bothered. But it’s different now.” She hesitates, then says in a rush, “In fact—if you were able—I mean, I know Pete’s the primary carer, but if between you, you could perhaps post, say, one picture every day…And we’d do the same for you, of course. It’s such a good way of keeping on top of what they’re doing, isn’t it? And this period when they’re small is so precious. They’ll grow up so quickly.”

“I’ll ask Pete. I’m sure he’ll be delighted.” I’m generally too busy to keep up with the stream of pictures he takes of Theo, so gradually he’s stopped sending me all but the most photogenic ones. But it looks as if he’s found a receptive audience now.

* * *

—

AT SOME POINT THE door crashes open and they all charge in. Miles has Theo on his back, horsey-style, Theo’s feet sticking straight out from under Miles’s arms, his little face beaming with excitement over Miles’s shoulder. Pete’s carrying the foam rugby ball, his jacket and trousers streaked with mud.

“Good time?” I ask.

“Theo just trounced the All Blacks twenty-nine nil on his very first appearance in the England lineup,” Miles says proudly. “And he’s got a pretty hefty tackle on him already.”

“Great,” I say. “Though I thought they didn’t actually do tackling now, in school rugby. Isn’t it all meant to be played by touch?”

“It’s good for him to work off some of that energy,” Miles says, unperturbed. He lowers Theo to the floor and ruffles his hair. Theo instantly charges into Miles’s legs, wrapping his arms around his calves, and Miles obediently sinks to his knees. “Arrgh! Kick on! Anyway, I can’t think of anything more fun for a two-year-old than having both his dads’ undivided attention in the park.”

“I’ll make some more tea,” I say.

* * *

—

“?‘BOTH HIS DADS’?” I say quietly to Pete when they’ve finally gone and Theo is watching CBeebies. “Is that something you agreed to?”

“I could hardly pull him up on it in front of Theo. But we haven’t discussed what Miles should call himself, no.” He glances at me. “How was Lucy?”

“Anxious.” I tell him about the photo request. “I think we’re going to need a conversation with them about boundaries.”

“Really?” Pete sounds surprised.

“Well…When we were making the decision about the park and whether it was too soon for Theo to be playing…I felt a bit outnumbered. Like there were suddenly four parents instead of two.”

“They didn’t take any part in deciding to go to the park, though. That was me.”

“Yes, but you knew Miles wanted you to go.”

“Okay,” Pete says, a word that somehow contains the sentiment I think you’re overreacting but I’m too supportive to call you on it. “I’ll speak to Miles. I’m sure they want clarity just as much as we do. But we did say that we’d try to make sure Theo’s a part of their lives.” He gets up from the kitchen chair and stretches. “We had a good time today, actually. I’d forgotten how much fun it is just to go and chuck a ball around—it’s something I can’t really do with Theo on my own.”

“Lucy asked me if I’d booked Easter week off yet. I had to stall her—I had no idea what she was talking about.”

“Yes, you do. That plan to get together on Easter Day? It’s evolved into a few days down in Cornwall. Miles has found this massive house by the sea.”

“I’m not sure I want to be stuck with them for a whole long weekend,” I say doubtfully. “I mean, yes, they seem like nice people, and it would be lovely to spend more time with David. But we shouldn’t rush things—this is way too important to risk getting it wrong and having it blow up in our faces. Besides, the way Lucy was talking it sounded like more than just a couple of days.”

Pete shrugs. “I think it could be fun, actually. And I do get a bit stir-crazy sometimes in London, stuck in this tiny house with Theo. But I’m sure they won’t mind if we say we can only go for a night. I’ll talk to Miles next week.”

26

Case no. 12675/PU78B65, Exhibit 17, retrieved from DadStuff.net.

HELP! JUST FOUND TODDLER EATING SALT. WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

Homedad85—Level 5 poster. Member since 2018.

No idea how much. Big pile of cooking salt from one of those plastic tubs. Given him plenty of water. Should we be worried?

Actiondad

NHS Direct

Darren

Yeah, dial 111 for NHS Direct.

Homedad85

Tried 111, still in the queue. Should we go to emergency?

Thedadinator

Give him some water.

Fourlovelydaughters Surely must be self-limiting as tastes so bitter and horrid? Maybe ask if he wants any more—if he says yes, maybe he likes the taste so could actually be in real danger? I would just give LOTS of water.

Fourlovelydaughters

Mind you I’m not a medical professional so please don’t rely on my advice.

Darren

Out of interest, what did you decide to do?

Darren

@Homedad85? Everything ok over there????

Homedad85

Sorry, got back from emergency after three hours (basically, all fine but projectile vomiting—nurse said we’d done exactly the right thing) and found visitors waiting. Had to go and play rugby in the park with DS and DS’s new grown-up friend Miles, aka “Moles” as DS calls him. Pretty inspiring story actually—how friendship, positivity, and good communication are making what could have been a really tricky situation into an all-around success.

Darren

Sounds intriguing @Homedad85—do tell?

27

MADDIE