“I’m not sure if I can tell anyone about what happened,” she whispered.
“But if you don’t tell me, then there’s no way that I can help you, Jessica.”
Once again, my stepsister fell into silence, swallowing her sobs. I hated to see her like this, especially the effect Michael had over her.
“Everything was good when it started,” she finally began, a faint smile on her face as though recalling a happier time. “He was so sweet and charming. He’d give me presents and take me to so many places. He was smart and witty. I felt like I could talk to him about all of the things that I’d thought would scare boys away… Like… Things I enjoy…”
She was freezing up. I reached over and touched her hand, catching her eyes. “It’s ok, you can talk to me.”
“It was nice, at first. We started with some things I was curious about… We weren’t having sex. It was just… You know…”
She squeaked the last word out beneath her breath, unwilling to catch my eye.
“I don’t understand,” I said, staring at her.
“It’s just... I like to give up control sometimes. It feels right.”
“But he went too far?” I asked.
“He started to change,” she said. “He wanted more. It was little things, at first. He’d start to criticize the way I was dressing and how I did my hair… it made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I changed myself whenever he told me he didn’t like something. I wanted to please him. That’s when he started getting… worse,” she said, swallowing again, her gaze flitting around, as though to ensure Michael wasn’t nearby. “He hurt me. Not badly at first, just a slap across the face when I told him no… but then he started leaving marks. I’d ask him and beg him to stop, to tell him that I just wanted things to go back to the way that they were… He thought it was just part of the game.”
“If that asshole took advantage of you…” I began, but Jessica cut me off.
“It wasn’t like that… God… Why am I so fucked up?”
“Don’t blame yourself for this. There’s nothing wrong with you. I’m so sorry, Jessica,” I said, my heart aching as I watched her tears begin to well up once again. I’d never known that their relationship had been so awful—sure, I knew they fought, but I figured that it had been the typical high school drama that you always heard about. Jessica had hid her pain away for all the time she’d spent with Michael—or maybe I just wasn’t looking hard enough.
“After a while, Michael started wanting more stuff from me… like my virginity,” Jess said, wringing out her hands nervously. “I told him no, and he’d hit me worse than he ever had before in our entire time together. That was the last time we broke up, and ever since, he’s been acting like I don’t exist. Until today.”
“None of this is your fault,” I told her, taking her hand once more, “and what Michael did to you was beyond terrible. You should never have been treated that way, not by anyone. He hurt you, and he had no right to do that. You deserve to be treated better than that.”
“Do I?” she asked, shame descending over her pretty face. “I don’t think that’s true most days, especially because… I mean, I can’t really talk about it.”
“You can talk about anything with me. I won’t judge you, Jessica. I promise,” I said, squeezing her slender fingers in mine. It made me feel horrible that I’d never made myself open to Jessica to confide in me, to tell me when something so awful as being abused by your own boyfriend. Her face softened slightly and she gave a faint, almost imperceptible, nod.
“The truth is that I actually liked some of the things he did to me,” she said, her voice soft. “I liked the way he’d order me to do things, making me obey his commands. He made me so horny that sometimes, I almost regretted not letting him have sex with me… but I wanted it to mean something. I know that makes me sound like some kind of freak, but I can’t really help it.”
“I don’t think you’re a freak, Jess,” I said, squeezing her hand again reassuringly. I knew my sister must have some urges, but I never imagined dominance play would be one of them. It made sense, I supposed, the rigid control she had over every aspect of her life needed to be let loose somehow. “Those kinds of things are completely normal. There are whole clubs dedicated to that kind of stuff. You like being dominated, so what? That doesn’t make you a freak. We all need to give up control, sometimes. As long as you’re being safe and have someone who understands how to stay in the lines…”
“It isn’t just the control,” she whispered, cutting me off. She glanced up as a waiter passed by our booth. “It was… some of the hitting turned me on, too.”
I felt like I didn’t really know my stepsister at all. The more she talked, the less I was sure of when it came to what I’d come to know over the last couple of years. I’d figured her for a bit of a freak under that librarian blouse and horn-rimmed glasses. But this?
“You really enjoyed how he hurt you?” I asked.
“Not usually,” Jessica answered, shrinking a bit, as though I might ridicule her for her desires. “But there were times where he’d hurt me in certain ways to get me to do things that felt so good. It was freeing…”
I sat quietly for a moment, weighing everything that she’s just told me and thinking about how best to go forward. I’d come here to be close to her, but now she tells me that she actually enjoyed the way he hurt her. I knew there was nothing inherently wrong with enjoying a little pain with sex, but to hear it from her lips felt like my world had done a complete one-hundred-and-eighty degree turn.
Michael didn’t respect her, I thought, glancing at her in the momentary silence that had fallen between her. And if I don’t do something, then she’ll just go back to him, or find someone else who treats her the same way.
“You don’t have to be with men like Michael if you want to be dominated,” I said after another member of the staff walked by. “Submission isn’t subjugation. You have every right to be respected and cared for while you’re fulfilling your fantasies.”
Jessica turned her gaze away from me, her eyes downcast toward the table as another wave of tears spilled down her cheek in tiny rivers. I could see the shame radiating from her, the fact that she was even talking to me about this making everything that much worse.
“I know that I haven’t been the best brother to you,” I said, moving a little closer to her along the bench seats. “In fact, I don’t blame you for all the shit you’ve probably thought about me. I was a massive dick from the moment we met… I didn’t want to have a sister, but in some ways I think it’s better that we see one another as something different.”
“What do you mean?” Jess asked, looking up at me quizzically, her soft lips creased into a frown.
“I don’t want anyone treating you the way Michael treated you,” I explained, choosing my words very carefully. “Just because you liked some of what he did doesn’t mean he’s the kind of guy you should be with.”
“Well what kind of men do you expect me to date?” she asked, her tone incredulous. “I can’t imagine there are too many gentlemen who would bend me over their knees. Michael told me that no one else would ever want me. Maybe he was right. I’m fucked up...”
The image was more than enough to rouse my since sleeping cock, which I did my best to keep under control. It was hard not to imagine what Jess’ bare thighs would feel like over my lap, my hand slapping against that plump little ass of hers. I cleared my throat uncomfortably and shook my head.
“You’d be surprised by how many men would jump at the thought of doing those kinds of things to you—without treating you like a piece of garbage.” I sighed again, rubbing my hand over my face in frustration. I couldn’t see a way of protecting her from men like Michael—not without taking an active role in making sure she knew what it felt like to be treated right even while someone was bending her over and ordering her around like a slave.
I would have to do it myself.
/> “Take off your panties, Jessica,” I said, my voice low enough that only she could hear.
“What?!” she hissed, glancing toward a waiter as he passed by. “Are you crazy?”
“You need to learn to take charge of yourself—of your own sexuality,” I said in a whisper “This is the first step. I want you to take them off and shove them into your purse.”
“I… Can’t…”
“I wasn’t asking.”
_ NINE _
Jessica
I could feel my heart in my throat as those words ran over and over through my head. My mind was flooded with so many conflicting emotions that I wasn’t sure if I could handle the full reality of what was happening to me. My stepbrother was telling me to take off my panties in the middle of a crowded restaurant.