He Started It

‘What?’ Grandpa said. ‘You don’t like the story?’

She rolled her eyes and walked away.

Nikki had a way of pissing people off. That day was no exception.

Now here we are again, standing in front of the same plaque, and Felix is the only one who hasn’t read it. When he finishes, he turns to us and smiles.

‘Cute,’ he says.

‘Yeah, it’s kinda cool,’ Eddie says.

Portia and I don’t say a word.

We all walk around the pole, seeing it from every angle. At the bottom, the Eagle and Bulldog mascots are carved into it and painted, with the names of the teams written alongside. Above them, the faces of the players – wearing painted football helmets – are carved one on top of the other, also with their names. The pole is thick. It actually looks like several poles put together, and in total there are four rows of faces reaching up to the sky.

‘I swear to God,’ Portia says. ‘The lengths men will go to memorialize themselves.’

‘Amen,’ I say.

‘I bet they didn’t have seventy-year-old cheerleaders at that game.’

‘You know they didn’t.’

Eddie sighs. ‘It’s not to …’ Whatever he was about to say fades out, and instead he just shakes his head.

‘What was that?’ Portia says.

‘Never mind.’

I glare at Eddie, not so much because of what he said now, but because of what happened before. We were enemies the last time we were here. And he kept making it worse.

Our whole excursion takes less than an hour. We go back to the car, drive south toward Oregon, and we don’t stop until we hit the border.

A fairly peaceful, if quiet, end to the Codger Pole trip. The first time it wasn’t.

Grandpa was pissed we didn’t appreciate the Codger Pole. As soon as we got back into the van, he started yelling at us. ‘You can ride a roller coaster any damn time you want,’ he said. ‘I’ve been trying to show you culture. And heritage.’

Nikki should have kept her mouth shut, but when did she ever.

‘When did Bonnie and Clyde become culture and heritage?’ she yelled. By then, she looked almost nothing like herself. Her blond hair had become blonder, but she had stopped wearing as much makeup as she usually did, her clothes were a mess, and her nails were chipped. She looked like a kid instead of an almost eighteen-year-old. ‘When did a fucking football game between old men become heritage?’

Grandpa pointed at Nikki, the hate in his eyes visible. Tangible. ‘Shut up,’ he said.

‘Yeah. Shut up,’ Eddie said.

Nikki crossed her arms over her chest, raised her chin, and said, ‘Make me.’

They did.

Oregon

State Motto: She flies with her own wings

Hells Canyon.

Of all the places in Oregon to go, of course Grandpa took us to Hells Canyon. Oh, and the name of the river that runs through this ten-mile-wide gorge? Snake River. Of course.

I have no doubt Grandpa chose it because of the name.

‘You have to be prepared for this,’ Eddie says to Felix. ‘No motels tonight.’

Felix nods.

‘I’m not kidding. We’re going to be in the wilderness.’

‘Actually, it’s a recreation area,’ Portia says, reading from her phone. ‘It’s the Hells Canyon National Recreation Area, to be exact.’ She smiles. She’s particularly happy because we’re eating at an organic vegetarian restaurant. Oregon is full of them.

I take a bite of my black bean burger, which is delicious.

Eddie sighs hard enough to shake the table. ‘It’s the wilderness,’ he says to Felix.

‘Wait, are we camping?’ Felix says. ‘Do we need a tent? Sleeping bags?’

‘If you plan to sleep outside,’ Portia says. ‘I’ll be in the car.’

Eddie rolls his eyes. The disdain he has for all of us feels like last time. ‘We can’t take the car out that far. We’ll stop and get some supplies. Won’t need a tent, though. The weather is nice.’

Portia looks horrified.

‘It’s one night,’ Eddie says. ‘When did you become such a princess?’

‘I was six the last time we were here. I didn’t become a princess, I grew a brain.’

Felix turns to me. ‘You know I have a bunch of camping stuff at home. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.’ This is not part of our fake argument. The anger is back in his eyes.

‘Sorry,’ I say. ‘I’m sure it won’t cost much.’

‘I’m sure it will.’ He picks up his phone. I don’t have to look to know he is looking up Hells Canyon to see what wild animals will be waiting for us.

A lot, actually.

‘You know what?’ Portia says, grabbing the check off the table. ‘Tonight I’m paying for dinner.’

I am immediately suspicious – well, more suspicious than I already was – but I keep it to myself. Eddie doesn’t.

‘Did hell freeze over?’ he says.

She smiles, not bothered at all. ‘Who knows – maybe we’ll all get eaten by a bear tonight.’

Felix glances up from his phone, still looking angry. ‘Then he’s going to be disappointed by all the kale and beans in our stomachs.’

His tone keeps us from laughing.

We stop and get clearance-rack sleeping bags, inflatable pillows, and a portable cooking kit. Felix is the one who remembers the bug spray. He walks up and down the aisles of the sporting goods store, searching for anything else we may need.

‘We must need more than this,’ he says.

‘One night,’ Eddie says. ‘It’s just one night.’

Felix snaps his fingers. ‘Toilet paper. We shouldn’t go camping without toilet paper.’

He’s got a point, and I can’t argue with the extra blankets, either. Or the quick-pitch tent in case it does rain. And who would have a problem with bear spray? No one should ever have a problem with that. Even if it doesn’t work, I like believing it will.

Eddie, ever the asshole, makes us pay because Felix picked out so much stuff. On the way to the car, Eddie continues to bark out orders.

‘Remember, we have to walk to the campsite. I don’t think you’ll be able to roll your bags through that path.’

Portia turns around and gives him a dirty look. ‘I’ll be able to roll the bag, don’t you worry.’

‘I’m not carrying it when the wheels break.’

I ignore them. They can kill each other, for all I care. Actually, that would make everything a lot easier.

No such luck. We all make it to the car alive and well, our arms filled with sleeping bags and blow-up pillows. Before Eddie lets us put everything in the car, he searches it. He’s been doing that every day since the ashes disappeared. We still haven’t talked about how to replace them, or what we were going to scatter in the desert.

‘Nothing?’ I say.

Eddie shakes his head, half annoyed and half disappointed.

The drive isn’t too long. Felix spends it reciting a list of wild animals that live in Hells Canyon. That would’ve been handy to know the first time around. Maybe we would’ve been more prepared for them. We heard more than we saw, including some seriously loud birds. Grandpa said they were owls.