‘Of course—that’s what due diligence is. I thought you’d want to see it. I’ve never held anything back from you, dolcezza.’
‘Haven’t you?’ She threw him a sceptical glance. ‘You thought I’d want to see that amount in the divorce settlement? How much you’re prepared to pay to be rid of me?’
‘To be rid of you? Or to help you?’ He stopped about three feet away from her, but he seemed to be looking right into her soul. ‘In the eyes of the world, we’re married.’
It was all about that façade... ‘But it’s not real.’
‘Isn’t it?’ he asked sharply. ‘Are we not living as a married couple? Aren’t we intimate? Sharing?’
‘What are we sharing?’ she asked. ‘I am taking what you are giving. And I’m saying you don’t have to give any more.’
‘I don’t “have to give”?’ He laughed that bitter laugh that sounded so wrong on him. ‘I never “have” to do anything, Katie. I’ve wanted to do everything I’ve done with you.’
But he didn’t want to give her what she really wanted. ‘This was a mistake from the start.’
Seeing that report had been the catalyst to finally make her see sense. She’d used him too much for too long and in the process she’d lost her heart.
She whirled away from him, hurt and unable to hide it. ‘I should have married Carl.’
Hard hands on her shoulders spun her around. ‘Take that back.’ He glared at her.
Somehow she was against the wall and she couldn’t escape his fury.
‘Take that back now,’ he demanded roughly.
His anger astonished her. Worse was the familiar tug low in her belly. Would she always want him beyond reason? Beyond caring even for herself?
‘You would have been miserable with him.’ Alessandro’s gaze drilled into her, daring her to deny it.
‘I’m more miserable now.’
His eyes widened and he actually paled. ‘You regret being with me that much?’
No. She didn’t regret a second of it. How could she? When it had been the most intense, amazing, infuriating time of her life? But it mattered so much that it hurt to breathe. She’d always be on edge. Waiting. Knowing that soon enough he’d be bored and decide to initiate the divorce. And then he’d be gone. How could she put herself through that?
‘I never would have slept with him,’ she explained with pained honesty. ‘Then this wouldn’t have happened.’
‘It’s only because we’ve been sleeping together that things have become complicated?
Her eyes filled with acidic tears. ‘Of course not.’
It was because she’d fallen in love with him. And that was the last thing he’d want.
‘You don’t want to stay?’ His bafflement hurt all the more.
She laughed weakly. She’d give almost anything to stay. But she’d slowly shrivel up and die a slow painful death here. Because her heart would beat alone, ripped out to remain where it wasn’t wanted, slowly bleeding out its last.
‘For what?’ she asked bitterly. ‘You to finally get tired of me?’
He looked shocked. ‘Katie—’
‘Why does all this have to be on your timeline?’ she exploded as she heard the denial in his voice. ‘Why can it only be over when you’ve had enough?’
He brushed the backs of his fingers down her jawline. ‘Have you really had enough, Katie?’
‘Don’t be cruel.’ She pushed back against his too-powerful persuasiveness. ‘It’s over, Alessandro. It has to be. I’m sorry if its inconvenient, or embarrassing for your reputation...but I can’t go on like this.’
‘Like what? What is so awful about this? You hate going out with me? You hate the way I make you orgasm?’ he growled. ‘We’re living as a married couple. We’re out every night, displaying our relationship.’
She recoiled in complete mortification. Was that why he’d taken her out? Was it all part of the act? Those moments when he’d looked at her he’d intended his friends to see it? Had that been part of his performance?
Too late she remembered he’d told her right at the start that she’d have to fake it.
‘I don’t want to live a lie any more. You never wanted to be my husband. You don’t love me. But I’ve fallen for you, Alessandro,’ she muttered sadly.
He stared at her, frozen for a moment, then dropped his hands to his sides. ‘You’re confused, dolcezza. This is just a crush...’
‘A crush? What do you think I am? Eternally naive because I never had a boyfriend before you?’ She felt sick. ‘And what am I to you? Just another notch on your bedpost?’
‘Katie—’
‘Don’t minimise what’s between us. Tell the truth.’
‘We’re...having an affair.’
‘Right.’ She curled her hands so tightly together her nails almost pierced her palms. ‘You never wanted to marry me—not even pretend. And you shouldn’t have. You just felt sorry for me that night when I panicked...’ She dragged in another burning breath. ‘You want to be free and you can be. I can too.’
‘I did what you asked of me. I did everything.’
‘And I never should have asked you. I didn’t know what you’d been through.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ His expression shut down.
‘You don’t want to love because you don’t want to be hurt. And I get it. You lost everyone. Your mother died. You saw your father’s heart break in front of your eyes. Then you lost your home and him and everything he’d worked for. Love has brought nothing but loss to you.’
‘This is not love.’
‘Not for you, no. But don’t deny my feelings. Don’t deny what I’m saying.’
‘I do deny it. You’re just bewitched by my looks—what was it you said? I don’t even need to open my mouth?’
His cruel rejection of her affection hurt. Because it was a denial not just of her but of his own real worth. Or did he think she was too stupid to see what was really in front of her?
‘It’s not that, Alessandro. Nor is it your money or your power. It is you. Your discipline, your insane work ethic, but also your compassion, your belief in me. You have done everything I’ve asked—because you’re loyal and protective. Yes, it’s also your sensuality...you know it is...but most of all it’s just you. You’re impossible, but you always make me laugh, you always lift me up...’ She gazed at him and the truth whispered out. ‘You’ve made my life so much more than fun. I love how I feel when I’m around you.’
He didn’t move. ‘If I’m all that, why won’t you stay?’
‘Because you deserve better too,’ she said huskily. ‘You deserve not just to be loved, but to feel this kind of love for someone else.’ She blinked away the burn of tears. ‘You don’t invest in anything. Not really. Not relationships, not even companies. You enjoy the game—the chase, the catch... And when you’re done you flick them on. You’re never emotionally invested in anything except the memories on your island.’
In his pale face his eyes flashed wildly. ‘Have you finished critiquing me?’
Her anger sparked. ‘Sorry, are you bored already? That’s your usual get-out excuse, right?’
‘Katie—’
‘This is the last thing you want, isn’t it? This terrifies you—someone who truly loves you. But don’t worry. I won’t die of a broken heart. Don’t feel guilty about hurting me.’
He flinched.
‘But really you’re the one who doesn’t want to get hurt. Fair enough.’
‘No, Katie. You’re reading into things that aren’t there.’ He shook his head dismissively. ‘You’re just tired. It’s been a whirlwind... It won’t be this intense for ever. It never is.’
His denial shocked her. It was as if he hadn’t heard a word she’d said. Because he didn’t feel the way she did. ‘So let me leave now, then.’
/> His jaw tensed. She watched ice harden his eyes.
‘You can’t give me a real reason to stay,’ she said softly.
It seemed he couldn’t say anything. He’d frozen.
She waited as a last little spark of hope flickered before fading. ‘You never wanted to marry anyone. No marriage. No kids. No love. No drama.’
He still didn’t reply—didn’t say the words she desperately wanted to hear. Of course he didn’t. She wasn’t enough. He wouldn’t want her for ever. No one ever had. Not even Susan needed her now...
Katie had never felt so alone.
And now he literally stepped back from her.
‘What are you going to do?’ he asked.