‘No,’ he said harshly. ‘Not yet, Gracie.’
So she fought back—to know him. To make him feel as raw and exposed and as wanted as she did. They rolled together, thrashing out the passion in long, rough sweeps of hands and mouths, breath mingling, bodies straining.
‘Rafe. Please.’
Finally he gave her what she truly wanted—himself. His body invaded hers—fiercely dominant, ferocious, he clamped his arms around her. Searing, slow, sublime. She shook in total rapture. They were so close nothing could come between them—nothing was between them. Only pleasure. Only adoration. Only love.
It took a long time for her to come back to reality. When she did, he was slumped over her, still breathing hard, spent.
Emotion swamped her. The most intense emotion of her life. It wasn’t gratitude, or greed...it was something she had to give to him. Something she could no longer keep contained.
‘Rafe...’ She rubbed her fingertips over his roughened jaw. ‘I—’
‘Don’t say it, Gracie,’ he whispered harshly in her ear. ‘Don’t.’
She stilled. ‘I have to be honest. I won’t hide how I feel about you.’
He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. ‘You don’t feel anything.’
Shocked, she dropped her hand. ‘You don’t get to deny me—my voice, my feelings, my life. I would share it all with you, Rafe. You know I would.’
‘Don’t—’
‘I’ve fallen in love with you.’ She blurted it.
‘Adoration,’ he said, pulling back from her. ‘That’s all. You said it yourself.’ He released a harsh sigh and vaulted off the bed, scooping up a towel.
‘You know it’s not that.’
He turned back to face her, his expression remote. ‘I can’t give you what you want.’
‘What makes you think I want anything from you?’ She lifted her chin. ‘Perhaps I just want to give.’
‘Everybody wants something. There’s always a price.’
Oh, that hurt. ‘Not for love. Real love is unconditional, Rafe. Real love just is. You can’t stop it. You can’t deny it.’
He glared at her. ‘Would you just let me take and take and take from you? You’d let me have all your goodness, all your energy, all your generosity until I’m sick of it and cast you aside? You’d settle for that? No.’ He shook his head. ‘You wouldn’t. You wouldn’t even come to Paris with me for a few days.’
She sat up and curled her arms around her knees. ‘I offer my love. I don’t expect you to love me back. But I do expect you to respect my feelings. Not to deny them. And, no, I understand that you don’t want what I’m offering. So I’ll not “settle”. I know that when I walk out the door today, it’s goodbye. I know it’s over.’
‘Then why say it?’ he asked in pure frustration. ‘I don’t want this to be over. Not like this. Not yet.’ He shook his head. ‘Why couldn’t you have left it unsaid?’
‘Because I won’t hide. I won’t deny. I won’t keep secrets. Because I do deserve more.’ She angled her head and fought. ‘And so do you. You just don’t believe you do.’
‘It doesn’t exist, Gracie. The happy-ever-after you want is a fantasy. Fairy tales are not real.’
‘Emotions are real, Rafe.’ She got off the bed and grabbed her clothes, holding them in front of her.
‘Really? You’re lecturing me on facing emotions? The woman who spends her life pretending everything is perfect? Who can’t admit to her boss when she’s too tired to work because she’s scared of letting her down and losing her friendship?’
Oh, that was low.
‘You live in this fairy-tale world,’ he continued harshly. ‘But you’re still scared to be anything but happy and glad as if the world here is the most perfect place. You say you’re honest. But you’re not. And the person you’re not honest with is yourself.’
His attack stunned her. ‘I just opened up to you.’ She was so hurt. ‘But because I’ve dared to admit that I care about you, you’re now turning on me? What—must there be something wrong with me if I love you? You’re more broken than I thought. Do you truly think someone can’t possibly love you?’
An undefined emotion kindled in his eyes, something even stronger than the anger she’d seen in him before.
‘I can never be the person you want me to be, Gracie. I never had the kind of home you dream of. I look around the villa and to me it’s all empty rooms with the possibility of paying guests. The world you want is alien to me. I don’t want links—chains—to the past.’
He was lying. Pushing her away. Punishing her for what she’d just said. Wasn’t he?
‘And yet you bought this villa,’ she said.
‘It was a good business opportunity.’
‘And that’s all?’
‘No. It was the remnants of a childhood fantasy. It wasn’t real. It didn’t bring me happiness. Relationships, memories, trinkets, they don’t do that. Freedom does that for me. Financial freedom. And emotional. I need to be free, Gracie. I can’t bear the burden of your happiness.’
His words completely cleaved her. That wasn’t what she wanted either—and her anger flared. ‘I’m not asking you to do that. All I’ve done is tell you how I feel and, of course, you can’t handle that. I expect nothing from you.’ She stepped back. ‘Give me some space so I can finish getting dressed.’
He left the room immediately.
She sat back on the bed, drawing in a strangled breath. She’d known, hadn’t she? This was why she’d refused his invitation to Paris—because what was nothing but easy to him was so much more meaningful to her.
* * *
When she went downstairs ten minutes later, he was lingering near the front door. ‘I’ve been thinking—’
‘How novel,’ she interrupted curtly.
He folded his arms across his chest and sent her a look. ‘I can get someone else to cater for the party.’
‘You’re taking away the contract from us?’ Her eyes narrowed. ‘Because you and I aren’t sleeping together any more? Because I dared tell you how I feel about you?’
‘Don’t bring the personal into this.’
She stared at him, shocked at his gall. ‘You’re the one who can’t separate business from personal. You want to punish me for caring?’
‘No,’ he answered softly. ‘I don’t want to hurt you any more than I have.’
Pride made her want to lie, to deny he’d hurt her at all. But then he’d win. He’d be another person affecting her so much she was no longer true to herself. She wasn’t going to hide her emotions. Not from him.
‘You can’t,’ she said simply. ‘I’m hurt, Rafe. You’ve already hurt me as much as it’s possible for me to hurt. But by doing this you’re hurting my co-workers as well. You’re hurting my friend, my employer and her bottom line. I can hold it together. I’m not going to have a tantrum or look at you with tearful eyes.’ She walked past him to the door. ‘Go score another woman. Whatever you want. I won’t be watching you. I’m capable of doing my job because I’m a professional and I can control my emotions. The question is, are you?’
‘This is the way you want to play it?’
‘I’m not playing anything. I’m being honest. I want to do my job. You’re leaving Bellezzo, but it’s my home. I’m not going anywhere. I’d like the contract.’
‘If that’s what you want.’
‘It is,’ she said with dignity. ‘We’re halfway through the preparations and you won’t get anything as good as what we can provide in this short time frame. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to starve your guests.’
He was very still. ‘I don’t want you serving the food,’ he gritted.
That she could be even more hurt by him was a shock. ‘I’ll be sure to stay hidden in the kitchen,’ she said in a strangled voice.
‘That wasn’t what I—
’ He bit off whatever he was going to say and a look of absolute frustration contorted his face. ‘Let me give you a lift back into the village.’
She’d recovered her emotion again—just. ‘No, thanks.’