Or my fucking filthy mind.
I imagine her naked in my bed, in my arms under the shower, fucking her in every way possible, showing her all the good in life. Sex. Lots of sex. I can’t have enough.
I think she noticed too. She keeps smiling at me funnily, and I can’t help smile back as if we’re sharing a private joke. It always happens after I fuck her. It’s like she knows I can’t get enough of her.
I can’t hide my attraction well.
God, I thought I knew what I was doing. That I was capable of keeping my feelings at bay, but I’m not.
Lately, I’ve been having these visions of us actually doing normal things. Like going to the movies, going out for dinner, or taking her on a fucking boat ride. Jesus, I’ve even thought of having a picnic and a fucking frolic in the grass. I don’t fucking picnic or frolic.
But strangely, I’d do it for her, and I don’t even fucking know why.
In the dark, I fuck the girl who so desperately wants my attention.
But in the light … I smile for her.
I want to see her happy.
For some reason, I want to get to know that girl I take home every now and then. That girl who hides her baggage behind vibrant clothes and bright red hair. It’s as if she screams ‘stay away from me,’ but it only makes me want to come closer.
Something about her feels so familiar … like something I can connect to.
And I rarely ever connect with anyone other than myself.
Or my cat.
No one comes close to my cat.
We have a connection on an otherworldly scale.
When class ends, all I wanna do is go over to her and kiss her, but that wouldn’t be appropriate. All those other girls would get jealous of her, and we don’t want that to happen.
So I text her on her cell, telling her to meet me at a park far away from the campus. I see her glance at me, a wicked smile forming on her face, and then she leaves. I go to her table and touch the wood, smelling my fingers afterward. I’m not crazy. I can actually smell her scent. Or maybe I am crazy. Addicted. Lost.
Or all of them at the same time.
This isn’t good for her or me, but I can’t stop.
So I go after her, to the place we agreed to meet.
I find her standing against a tree in the park that’s rarely visited by students. A perfect place to meet unseen. Except for the fact that she’s smoking.
She greets me with a smile, but I snatch the cigarette from her hand, throw it on the ground, and rub it out with my foot.
“Why’d you do that?” she snarls, placing her hand against her waistline.
“You shouldn’t smoke,” I say. “It’s bad for you.”
“Oh.” Her hand drops, and she looks a bit befuddled. “Well, I’m not a kid. I can take care of myself.”
“I can see that,” I muse, raising a brow.
She sighs and rolls her eyes, but her lips still curl up into a tentative smile. I grab her chin and lift it gently, giving her a charming smile. “I don’t want you to die early.”
“Gee, thanks,” she retorts.
“I mean it.”
She licks her lips and looks down at the ground. “I know.”
“Promise me you’ll stop,” I say, trying to get her to look at me by lowering my head to her level. “Don’t smoke.”
“I can’t …”
“Do it for me?” I cock my head. “I’ll give you a kiss every day you manage to keep it up.”
I know it sounds corny, but it makes her laugh a little, so my job’s accomplished.
“Fine.”
“Good girl.” I give her a quick peck on the forehead, making sure no one’s looking.
She rubs her lips, her hair falling down her cheeks almost intentionally as if to cover a blush. A breeze makes her hair blow in my direction, and the sudden beauty in the movement enraptures me. Her pink, full lips and bright eyes draw my attention as she doesn’t look anywhere but at me. In the light of day, she suddenly looks different. Less like the girl I fuck for pleasure and more like the girl I want to kiss for fun.
Almost instinctively, I lean in, my brain turning inactive from her sheer presence, and I smell the scent of her spicy perfume that reminds me of a tropical summer night at the beach in Hawaii. The energy she exudes washes over me just by being near her, and it fills me with something I haven’t felt in a long, long time.
Something that makes me feel alive.
Her lips part and the moment I realize words are about to spill out, I press my lips to hers.
I don’t want to interrupt her, but I couldn’t stop myself either.