“Fuck …” I mutter.
“It’s okay if you don’t wanna talk. I’m still here for you,” she says, hugging me even tighter.
I know she does. That’s exactly my problem.
I’m on the verge of giving in, and it’s not supposed to happen.
I can’t tell her anything … because it’s the greatest shame I have.
And that says a lot, considering I’m fucking one of my students.
I place my hand over my eyes and brush away the impending tears. Sucking in a breath, I say, “Let’s go to bed.”
“You sure?” she says.
“Yeah, I feel much better now.” I turn around and wrap my arms around her. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She pats my back. “Everyone needs someone sometimes.”
I don’t.
At least, I didn’t use to.
Not until I met her.
Or maybe that was all just a lie in order to stop me from feeling anything when there was no one to turn to.
When we stop hugging, she reaches for my hands and gently pulls me along, back into the bedroom. We crawl back into bed, and right when I lie down, Ninja jumps straight on my balls. I groan and grab them while he lies down next to Hailey, gazing at me with a conceited look.
“Fuck …” I say.
Hailey laughs. “He hit you right in the nuts, didn’t he?”
“Yeah. Fuck you, Ninja.” I give him the side-eye. “Just because you’re not having pussy doesn’t mean you gotta be a dick.”
Ninja gets up and starts rubbing his head against my hand.
“Okay … I forgive you,” I say.
“Well, that was quick,” Hailey muses.
“How can you not forgive something so adorable.” I snuggle him, and Hailey looks at me with a funny face.
“You two make a cute couple together,” she jests.
“Shut up,” I joke back.
Meanwhile, Ninja jumps back to her side, crawling up next to her.
“It’s the first time he’s actually come close,” Hailey says, holding her hand close so he can smell it.
“Yeah, I think he’s less scared of you now that he’s seen you a couple of times.” Or maybe he’s starting to get used to her. Like me.
“Does he always jump on the bed like that?”
“Pretty much. We usually sleep together.”
“Hmm … a real bromance then,” she muses, making me laugh.
“Hey, nothing against a little kitty love.” I pet him a few more times before he curls up into a ball at the end of the bed, near my feet. “You okay with that?” I ask.
“Yeah. He’s cute,” she says.
“He’ll probably steal half your bed in the middle of the night.”
“As long as he doesn’t kick me out, I’m fine. So long as he doesn’t try to do anything funny like scratch my back or lick me. Because this pussy is already taken.” She points at herself, laughing, and I laugh too.
I hold her close to my chest, burying my face in her hair. Her scent makes me think of unbridled fun and laughter.
Hailey is here. She’s here, and she’s not going anywhere.
Just as I need her to be.
For now.
Because it’s okay to hold onto someone for a while.
And she’s willingly offering a shoulder.
* * *
Hailey
A few days later
We never really say good-bye.
Not when I leave his home, not when I exit his classroom.
It’s as if we both can’t get the word to cross our lips.
Even now, when I’m lying in my bed, watching some YouTube on my phone, I still can’t get him out of my head. I should be doing homework, but every time I start, my thoughts drift off again. It’s useless. I’m way too distracted to even care about college right now.
“Hey, shouldn’t you be getting ready for class?” Lesley asks, packing her things.
“Nah, not going.”
“Why not?”
“I didn’t do the homework, and I’m really not looking forward to getting scolded or getting additional homework.”
She makes a face. “Hailey …”
“What? You know it’s difficult for me.”
“This is your future,” Lesley says. “Why else did you go to college?”
“I don’t know …” I sigh.
She sucks on her lips. “Lately, I feel like you’re not interested anymore. Like you don’t even care.”
“Well, you’re right. Maybe I don’t.” I sit up straight and prop my pillow under my back. “And yes, I know that’s bad, and that I should be trying my best more. I’m just not feeling it right now, okay?”
She frowns. “Why did you apply to college in the first place then?”
I shrug. “To escape, I guess.”
“So it’s because of your home …”
I nod, rubbing my lips together because I don’t really wanna talk about it.
“Well, whatever. I just don’t want you to make the wrong decision. I care about you.”
I smile at her. “I know you do.”
She folds her arms. “And for the love of god, tell me you’re not skipping classes because of him.”
I roll my eyes. “Of course, not.” Well, maybe a little, but she doesn’t have to know. “He’s just a guy.”