Why did they want her?
Because Hammer was the one who pulled the trigger and killed a higher member of their MC, and he was the one who had to pay. Or so they said.
I did everything I could to make them let go of her, she was screaming and begging me to help her. I tried, I tried so fucking hard, but the bigger of the two hit me so hard across the face that I fell to the ground and was knocked clean out.
By the time I came around, they were nowhere in sight. I'd failed to protect her, failed to stop them from taking her, and I could do nothing but cry in frustration.
Of course, I went straight to Shepard and gave him the information, told him everything they'd told me. He made me swear that I wouldn't tell Hammer that I was even there. He said Hammer would kill the whole damn state if he knew I'd been there also.
I didn't understand what he meant at the time, but I kept my mouth shut. Even when the video came through of those monsters torturing Cindy, slitting her throat, I said nothing. It killed me, and I know I did the wrong thing.
But watching him right now as I tell him everything, his eyes wide and the vein in his temple thumping away, I know I most certainly did the wrong thing.
“I'm so sorry, Sam.” It's been a very long time since I've used his birth name, not since I was sixteen at least. A long time since anyone has called him that, and by the bulge of his eyes, he doesn't like it. But I need him to hear me, I need to speak to Sam as well as Hammer.
“I tried so hard to make them let go of her.” The tears fall from my eyes. No one has any clue how guilty I feel about what happened to Cindy. No one has ever let me really rid myself of it. Somehow, I doubt I'll ever be free of it. “I tried to make them take me instead, but they wouldn't.” I jump when he gets to his feet and slams his hands down on the table with so much force, the coffee mugs jump. “I'm so sorry.”
“Sorry? What the fuck good does sorry do me now, Willow?! How could you keep this from me?”
“I didn't want to. I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how.”
“You didn't want to more like it! You kept it from me for your own selfish reasons!”
“No,” I shake my head, get to my feet, and touch his arm. He snatches it away from me. “I didn't have any agenda. I just wanted to protect you from more pain. But in doing so, I made my best friend look reckless. She wasn't reckless, Hammer. I made her go with me because I wanted to get out of the house. I wanted some freedom because I hated being told I couldn't do something.”
“And by doing exactly what I told you not to, I lost her! Do you have any idea what it did to me?! What it's still doing to me!”
I nod my head, tears falling from my eyes, stomach churning in pain. I've done this. I've caused him more pain. But he needed to know that Cindy didn't defy him, she didn't put herself in harms way deliberately.
“It should have been you!” He hisses through his teeth, eyes hard with anger. My heart literally sinks to my feet. “You killed her!”
“No,” I whisper the word in shock.
“You may not have pulled that blade across her throat, but you killed her. If only you'd done what was asked of you instead of thinking about your damn self for once, she'd still be here!”
“I know.” I lower my head and sob. “I paid for my part in her death,” I touch the scar on my neck. It still hurts to touch. “I think I did. Maybe if you'd left me there, I would have paid fully. Maybe you shouldn't have saved me.”
“Maybe I shouldn't have!” He walks away from me, leaving me there in a mess of my own tears.
I sink to my ass against the wall of my kitchen and sob my heart out. I'll never be anything to him now. I've lost him in every way a person can lose another besides death.
Maybe I shouldn't have!
His words rattle through my head long after he's gone.
He regrets saving me when he couldn't save her.
Maybe my mom and dad were right, I shouldn't have said anything. But I just couldn't keep it to myself any longer. But I fear by telling him the truth, I have lost him for good.
I don't know what to do now.
My heart is breaking in ways I didn't know was possible.
I sob and sob, the guilt eating away at me all over again.
I'm so sorry, Cindy. I loved you so much. If I could bring you back, I would do it in a heartbeat.
I'm sorry, Hammer. If I could trade places with Cindy so you could have her back, I would.
But I can't and I have to pull myself together. Crying won't change anything now. What's done is done. My best friend is dead and the man I love hates me. Life couldn't get any worse right now.
Chapter Six
Hammer
I didn't mean to be so harsh with her the other night, but the fact she lied to me, kept things from me sent me into a maddening rage. All this time I believed Cindy left the house on her own when I'd told her not to. I had no fuckin' clue Willow was the one who talked her into it.
How could I not have known?
All through church this morning I've done nothing but think about what she'd done. She convinced my Cindy to go shopping with her, to defy me, and it got her killed! Twice the Prez has yelled at me for my mind being elsewhere.
I can't afford to have my mind on anything other than the club right now. Too much shit is about to go down with an outside MC who think it's okay to try taking over our turf. The Razor Hogs are a small MC the south of Texas. What business they have here is beyond any of us.
What is it with the smaller motorcycle clubs thinking they can move in on huge charter territory? Do they not realize we'll rip them to shreds?
This kind of thing isn't unusual, though, we've seen it all before. The only difference this time is the little fuckers have mafia ties. Something to do with their Prez and his family. I personally don't give a shit, I'll protect this club and its members with my life. I've done it many times before, and I'll do it again and again until my last dying breath.
“I want the women and kids protected at all costs.”
First thing Shepard thinks of each time we have a battle is putting the old ladies and the kids of this big family of ours in the safe house we own. A huge mansion style home that belonged to Horn, our founding president, Shepard's great-grandfather. He left it to the club in his will. He stated that the place was to be used to protect the family because that's what we all are, a family. No matter what, we have to protect our women and kids.
Trouble is, we find a couple of the women fight us on having to go into hiding. They don't want to leave their old men. It takes some convincing, but they go in the end. Not that they really have a choice, they do as their old men tell them.
The house is a secure compound where no one can get in without voice and thumbprint recognition. It's completel
y surrounded and armed to the back fuckin' teeth. The fence that surrounds the grounds is electric. Touch it, get fried, simple. Our family is safe there.
But I'm not sure Shepard isn't being a little paranoid with this. We're talking about a small MC that can't do shit. We'll deal with them within days. I'm hoping they're not stupid enough to go after our women.
But not one of us will disagree with Shepard on this. Ever since Willow was kidnapped, he's been paranoid about our women's safety. Never underestimate the underdog. Apollo taught us that. Shepard's father, the Prez before him, was a wise man.
So, if Shepard wants the women and kids put on lockdown at the safe house, the safe house they shall go. Whether they want to or not.
“Nova will fight me on it.” My brother says grimly. Nova is headstrong and then some. The girl is a trained assassin, she'll more than likely want to end those fuckers herself. But since giving up The Exorcist, she swore only ever to get involved if Shepard asked her to. He's not going to do that now. We're men, we can handle this.
Not that I'd ever take away the fact she's a smart and strong woman, but come on, what man wants his ass saved by a woman? Especially one who knows how to handle a gun and herself better than most men I've ever met.
“Nova, Lynette, and Willow have already been informed.”
“I bet Nova loved that.” My little brother folds his arms across his massive chest while chuckling to himself.
“She agreed to go.”
I think even my eyes are bugged out at that news. I never expected to hear that she'd go to the safe house so easily. I thought she would have had something to say about how this is overkill. No need for everyone to be on lockdown. The woman's gone soft.
“She agreed to go because she doesn't want Ember in danger. She'll talk to you, Tank when you get home. I've made it clear to her that she is not to get involved this time. We don't need anyone else's help. She gave up the Exorcist, I won't have her going back to it. We've always managed to put an end to each threat ourselves in the past, now is no different. I want my wife and kids safe as of now. I know the rest of y'all's girls will go, right?” There's a chorus of yeah's and nods of agreement. “I don't want any of you taking no for an answer. I will not risk any of our women or kids being hurt. I think we've had enough of that to last a lifetime.”