Jesus Christ, he's sleeping in my room here, when he's here. We have sex. We fuck! Hard. How could Shepard not have known about this? Or if he did, why on earth did he wait this long to bring it up?
What the hell does it have to do with him anyway? I know he's the president, but that doesn't give him the right to treat me like this.
I can feel the heat creeping up my chest and into my eyeballs. Sweat is beading along my hairline and I think I'm seconds away from a full-on panic attack.
“After everything that happened to you, to him –” What the hell is he talking about now? “I suppose I should have seen it coming. I guess it's one way for the two of you to keep Cindy alive.”
“That's not fair.”
“Isn't it?” He leans against the desk in front of me. “You were the closest person to Cindy other than Coral. You don't think Hammer wants you just so that he can feel close to the woman he was in love with? The woman he would have died a thousand times over for? The woman he would kill a thousand men for if it meant he could have her back? You don't think that if she walked through that door tomorrow he wouldn't drop you like you were nothing to him? Because he would. He'd drop you, because she's the one he still loves, Willow. You could never fill her shoes.”
Why is he trying to hurt me like this? What did I do wrong? This hurts like all hell. Why does it hurt so much?
Because I know he's right. If it was a choice between bringing Cindy back and me dying, I know who would win, and it wouldn't be me.
“Can I go now?” I ask, fighting back the sobs.
“Baby girl,” He tips my chin up so that he can look into my eyes. Shepard is a kind man, well, kind to the women and children. Any man crosses him and he's not so nice. Believe me. But I know he only has my best interests at heart. “I'm not doing this to hurt you. I just want to make sure you know what you're getting into. That maybe Hammer isn't as over Cindy as he makes out. And you are the one who will get hurt in the end. You've been hurt enough.”
I know he's right, that's why I just nod my head and try to fight back the tears threatening to choke me.
“I just want what's best for you, Willow.”
“But what if he's best for me, Dad? What if he really has put Cindy to rest, and now he wants to move on... with me?” He sighs and pulls away from me. I get to my feet and place my hand on his muscular arm. “I know you're just looking out for me, and believe me, I love you so much for it, Dad. But I love him.”
I blink and the tears fall from my eyes and down my cheeks. “I believed him when he told me how much I mean to him. I believed him because I saw the truth in his eyes. You know him, Dad, he would never have claimed me if he wasn't deadly serious about me.”
He breathes deeply and chews on his lip for a moment before smiling at me. “I do believe you're right.”
“I am?”
He cups my face. “I'm not gonna get in your way. Be with him,” I smile a full set of pearly white teeth in excitement. “But if he does anything to so much as upset you, I'll put a bullet in his head.”
I laugh while wrapping my arms around his neck. “I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you more.” So he tells me every day.
“How did your talk with dad go?”
“It went.”
My sister and I are sitting on the small bench in the huge back garden that accompanies this even bigger house. Baby Ember is sitting on a picnic blanket munching on a cookie, Taylor's dog lying by her side, protecting her as he does all the kids.
Percy is a large golden retriever mix. BlackJack bought him for Taylor a short while after she suffered a miscarriage with their third child.
The miscarriage left Taylor unable to ever have another child. BlackJack thought having Percy would help with the longing Taylor felt inside. It did, along with her love for her sons, and the fact my mother made her best friend godmother to my baby sister, Sophie. Taylor really loves that little girl like her own.
I explain to Nova the conversation dad and I had. She isn't surprised at all by what he said and how he acted. It wasn't like he didn't give her and Tank a hard time when they first got together. Hell, I was there. I thought Dad was going to rip Tank's head off! Then he forced Tank to follow him to the clubhouse, leaving Nova, mom, and me waiting for them to return. Nova didn't want us to wait with her, she told us that dad wouldn't hurt Tank if he truly loved her.
She was right.
“You know dad only says that stuff because he loves us, right?”
I smile. “I know.” I breathe in the fresh air with a smile on my face.
For the first time in a long time, I am truly happy. After all these years, belong to the man I have always truly loved. The man who has held my heart in the palm of his hand since I was twelve years old.
What Shepard said about Hammer still wanting Cindy hurt. Of course, it did. Him still loving her in some way is obvious. I would never expect him to just cast what he feels for her aside, but I can't help but wonder if I'll ever mean as much to him as she did.
Will his heart ever truly belong to me?
Or will half of it always belong to a woman that's no longer living?
“Don't do that, Will.”
“Hm?” I was lost in thought for a moment.
“I know what you're thinking.” I chuckle. She always says that. Anybody would think she was psychic. “Hammer is not still in love with Cindy.”
I turn my attention to her. She really does know what I'm thinking. How crazy is that?
I smile as she takes my hand in hers, locking our fingers together. “Everyone knows how much he loved Cindy, the lengths he went to, to avenge her death.”
He hired an assassin to terminate those who killed Cindy. My little sister. No one knew only a handful of people what Nova was capable of. They kept her secret until the day she and the Snakes saved me.
“We also know what he did to bring you home. How it killed him thinking he'd lose you. We all saw weeks before the way he felt about you. How he forced himself away from you. Not only because of Trace but because he thought he needed to in order to protect you.”
“I know that he loves me, Nova, I don't doubt that. I guess I just wonder if I'll ever mean as much to him as she did, or will his heart always be torn between the two of us. I don't expect him to forget about her. I don't even want him to stop loving her, that would be beyond wrong of me. But I don't want to live in her shadow either.”
I sigh to myself. I sound so jealous and that's ridiculous too. Envious of my dead best friend. I am a terrible person.
Nova is going to say something else, but I'm done talking about this. Only Hammer can give me the answers I need, and I'm not going to let these doubts spoil the happiness I feel right now.
“Dad had the same talk with Hammer,” I tell her. “I'm not sure how it went, though, Hammer told me not to think about it. And he distracts me when he's here so I don't get round to asking him about it.”
“You mean, he fucks the shit outta
you every time you're together.” I nod and we both laugh. I love my sister, I'd be lost without her.
“Mommy, goggie!” Ember yells while pointing her tiny finger at Percy, who's now pooping next to the huge oak tree at the end of the garden.
“Disgusting animal.” I chuckle at the disgusted tone of voice my sister is throwing out. She is so not a dog person.
I don't think she's any kind of pet person, to be honest.
Poor Ember, she'll never be allowed a pet if Nova has her way.
Although Tank is a dog man, so you never know.
“Don't worry,” I laugh at her expression. “Take Ember inside and I'll clean up the mess.” I don't want my niece toddling over there and touching what she shouldn't.
“Thanks, sissy.” She sing songs as she grabs her daughter and leaves me to scoop the poop. And you know what? I don't even mind.
Chapter Thirteen
Hammer
Who knew getting an audience with a Mafia Don would be so hard. The asshole won't talk to anyone but Shepard. Motherfucker thinks he's too good for us. Cunt is nothin' special. And I ain't gonna stop until he speaks with me. I know where he'll be this afternoon. I'll go over there and I'll make the cunt see me! I'll light up his fuckin' restaurant if I have to, but I ain't leavin' till I've made him see that all of this is wrong.
Right now, I have someone else I need to see.
I straighten my cut and take a deep breath before opening the door and walking in. Ghost looks up at me from his seat on the bed. This is the first time I've seen him in weeks. He's been here days and I ain't been to see him. Now, here he is thinking I've come to drag him to the basement to finally end his life.
“I wondered when I'd be seein' you.” There's no malice in his voice, no real fear. He's had enough time to get his head around what I'm trying so hard to fix.