“Do you hear me?!” It's hard not to hear him when he's yelling so damn loudly.
“You're killing me.” It comes out quietly, but he heard me loud enough.
“Don't be so goddamn dramatic!”
“You're killing me and you don't even care. It's like I mean nothing to you. I know you think I disrespected you, but I didn't set out to fall in love with anyone, let alone him. But I did fall in love with him and you're just going to take him away from me. Why, Draven? Would it really be so bad for me to be happy with him?”
“You'll understand one day.” He doesn't even look at me, he has no intentions of talking this out with me.
I dig into my jacket pocket and grab the little plastic bag I stashed there containing the lone hair. “Here,” I hand it to him without looking at him. “Your sample.”
“How did you get this?”
“Snagged it of his cut when I got off his bike, he didn't even notice. I put it in the bag when I followed him inside.” There's no effort in my words, I'm completely deflated. I have nothing left inside of me.
He mumbles a thanks of some sorts and pushes the bag into his pocket.
“Is he dead?” I know I shouldn't ask, but I just need to know.
“If he is, you have no one to blame but yourself.” That was like a stab to my heart because I know it's the truth. And I know now what I have to do. All hope is lost and I have nothing left to fight for.
The car pulls up outside of the house where I am to be kept a complete prisoner. I go straight to my room, shower, and change for dinner. I pull on black pants and a black shirt. I do it almost robotically. I don't feel like I'm here. I'm dead in every way but literally.
I make my way down to dinner. It's just my cousin's and me tonight. Draven is sitting at the head of the table, Maria to his right, me on his left. I'm guessing he sent the sample off to the lab to be tested. He'll want the results tonight. God forbid he should have to wait until tomorrow.
Maria smiles at me slightly as I play with my steak. I'm not hungry, I haven't been since this whole thing started. Hell, I've lost a dress size because of it. Maria knows what this is doing to me, we've talked about it. She wanted to know what it was like to be in love with a man like Ghost, so I told her. She found our story to be so romantic.
God, I'm twenty-four and I feel a hundred years old.
Draven is talking like nothing is happening. Like everything is just fine when reality couldn't be further from the truth. He killed the man I love, and in doing so, he killed me too.
Am I so wrong wanting to be with the man I love?
Do I deserve to spend the rest of my life missing him, knowing he died because of me?
I know people say you move on, things get easier, you find someone else and fall in love. But I will never love anyone else as long as I live.
I honestly can't do this anymore.
I'm tired, but my heart is so broken, and I just want out of this life.
I'll meet Danny on the other side and we'll have all of eternity to be together.
We'll be timeless and forever in love.
I smile to myself at the thought, and I breathe a little easier.
No one notices me slip my steak knife under the table. I keep my eyes on them as they talk. I always wondered how anyone could cut their wrists. Do they flinch when that knife cuts into their skin? Do they hiss at the pain?
I don't know about other people, but I neither flinch nor do I hiss. It burns only for a moment, then I feel nothing. All I need to do is keep my hands beneath the table long enough so neither of them will notice until it's too late.
“Avery, you're not eating. That won't help, you know?” I look at Draven through suddenly heavy eyes and smile. My eyes feel a little glassy, his narrow. “Have you taken something?”
I'd laugh if the muscles in my mouth would work, but instead, I shake my head just as the knife slips from my now numb and bloodied fingers and clatters to the floor. Maria looks under the table and lets out a bloodcurdling scream. I can't keep my eyes open any longer.
I feel arms around me, people rushing into the room, someone grabbing my wrists and holding them together and above my head. I can sense their panic, but I feel nothing but calm.
Everything will be all right, Danny, I'm coming.
“You silly fucking little girl! Why would you do this?!” My cousin's voice hisses in my ear. He's a smart man, how can he ask me that?
“I love him.” I force out of my very dry mouth. “You... took him... from me. I want to... be with... him.”
“I am not letting you die, Avery!”
“Not... your choice.”
There is nothing left to say. My hearing is failing me. All is calm inside of me.
I'm on my way, Danny.
Chapter Fifteen
Hammer
I know it was a stupid fuckin' idea to bring the girl here, I should have known Vidal would find her. I kind of hoped he would. Thought maybe if he saw Avery with Ghost, he'd have a change of heart. But it backfired. Fuck.
When did I get so stupid?
I don't know if it did more damage than good to Ghost's state of mind. Now, Shepard is beyond angry.
Great.
“Do you have any idea what you've done?!”
“I know what I've done, Prez. But I thought... I don't know what the fuck I thought.” I scrub my hands over my face.
Shit really backfired on me big style.
How stupid could I have been? Playing games with a Mafia Don.
How did I honestly think this would end?
“You're an idiot! I was dealing with it, I had almost convinced him to let Ghost go!”
“To what, be without Avery? You've got no damn clue what it's like to love someone and not be with them. He might as well be dead!” Slamming my hands down on the table in anger won't make this any easier.
“He would've done anythin' for you, Hammer. You need only have asked.” What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Who would? “But by doing what you've done...” He shakes his head.
What does he know that I don't?
I sit back down in my seat in the room where we call church each day, our eyes locked. There's something he knows, something that he's been keeping from me. And it has nothing to do with what's going on right now. Don't ask me how I know, I just do.
“What ain't you tellin' me, old man?”
“Somethin' I swore to Titus that I would never tell you.”
My stomach twists at the mention of my father's name. Thirteen years after his death and it still guts me that he's not here. Fuckin' loved my old man, meant everything to me.
“But I don't have a choice but to tell you. If I don't, Vidal will.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Shepard?”
“Before I tell you what I'm about to tell you, I need you to remember that your parents loved you. Titus loved you, he fuckin' loved you so much. He raised you to be a good man.”
“Yeah. What's this got to do with anythin' right now?”
He sighs deeply, looking at me in a way that tells me he doesn't want to tell me this big secret he swore to never tell me. But tell me, he will.
“Titus... Titus wasn't your real father.”
I laugh. Literally laugh out loud. Although this ain't funny, it's laughable. “Come on, Prez. Jesus!”
“I'm serious, Sam.” My face drops. Callin' me Sam, the last time he did that was the day he told me that my parents had been killed.
My chest is heaving, my head is spinning, anger burns deep in my veins. The chair behind me hits the floor with a loud thud as I get to my feet, my fingers in my hair. I can't get my head around this! It's a lie, my parents would have told me!
“This is bullshit!”
“Your mother was married before she met Titus,” I don't wanna hear this shit! “He was a vile cunt who hurt her all the time. Listen to me, Hammer!”
I don't want to fuckin' listen! I need to get outta here.
But
he's in front of me, forcing me to listen to him. “She was friends with Titus for a while. They met in a store and he loved her instantly. She wasn't married for very long. She was with the guy for eight months altogether. Their wedding had been small, he never took her anywhere, or let anyone really meet her. She never did say why she married him.
“She fell for Titus, wanted nothin' more than to be with him. Her husband left her for his first wife, and Hillary was free to be with the man she loved. She was already pregnant with you, she never lied to Titus about that. But he didn't care, he loved you both more than anythin'.”
I look up at the ceiling, I feel sick.
This cannot be happening!