I've made sure to stay in the shadows, just in case anyone from back home has realized I've gone and they followed me. I haven't brought anything with me. In all honesty, I didn't think about grabbing anything, just my baby.
I didn't even grab a diaper, but then, we didn't have any. My mother used a hand towel and some cotton wool as a substitute. My little man is going to need a change soon. Poor little thing doesn't even have any clothes; he's wearing one of my T-shirt's.
Of course, it's too big for him, massive even. My dad said it would be stupid to get him any of the things a baby would need if he'd be leaving in the morning. He didn't even let me bathe my baby, and he's still covered in afterbirth crap.
I was only allowed to breastfeed him once my father was done beating me. Even then my dad told me just to let the baby starve; it's not like he cared. Until Gabriel started wailing through his hunger, he soon changed his mind then.
It's still dark when I reach the compound. I'm struggling to walk, the muscles in my thighs are killing me, they're sore and throbbing. I'm fighting to hold myself up, everywhere hurts, and my stomach is cramping badly. Every step is agony, but every step is a step closer to freedom.
I bang on the gate with my fist, hard enough to get the night guards attention. A young guy with long blonde hair and a stubbled chin opens the hatch a little and peaks out at me. I swallow hard.
“What do you want?” He asks while looking me up and down. I must look a right fright.
I haven't seen this guy before he must be new. A prospect. He's handsome, in a rugged, surfer kind of way. Kind of a strange look to have in this town, but I'm not here to judge this man's appearance.
“I'm looking for Hawk.”
“Little late for you to be calling, don't you think? Or early, depending on how you look at it.”
Jackass.
I look behind me; I'm not safe on this side of the gate. My stomach is cramping with fear. Even though I know my father is probably still sleeping, he could turn up any minute and kill me for leaving. “Please, could you get him for me? I know he's probably with his girlfriend...”
“If you knew Hawk at all, you'd know he's a loner. Doesn't date.”
He isn't with anyone.
Why does that make my heart pound like this?
“I do know him it's just been a while since I've seen him. Please, I am begging you, just let me in. I have a baby, and it’s cold...”
He huffs but nods his head. I breathe a sigh of relief. As soon as I'm inside the gates, everything will be okay. I know he's not supposed to let anyone inside, no matter who they are, but I am so grateful that he's taking pity on me right now.
He opens the gates just wide enough for me to slip through before closing them up again. I jump a little at the sound of the locks clanging. I'm safe now. Instantly, the exhaustion is trying to drown me. My legs feel so heavy, my eyes too. However, I have to keep pushing on until I've seen Hawk. I can rest then.
“Follow me.” I follow him along the gravel path towards the clubhouse, the large clubhouse that looks like a ski lodge. Pretty fancy for a biker hang out, yet strangely, it's always felt like home to me. Once inside, he tells me to take a seat at one of the tables near the bar while he goes to wake up Hawk.
I can't believe he still crashes here. We used to stay here a lot. Well, whenever I could trick my parents into thinking I was staying over at Janelle's, my best friend, who often lied for me so I could stay with Hawk.
Hawk's parent's live just a mile away from the clubhouse, but they stay here too sometimes. Hawk's mother, Taylor, likes to mother all of the new prospects, helping them with anything they need. Most of the men who join this club have nothing and no one. A few even live at the clubhouse until the club finds them a better place to live, a place of their own. Then there's the few that live here because they love it.
I wonder if Taylor and BlackJack are here tonight? It would be nice to see them, for them to meet their new grandson.
I guess I hope they're not here tonight. Hawk needs to meet his son first. We need to talk about what happens next.
The ache in my body when I sit down is endurable, barely. My feet throb, my back aches, my stomach feels like it's falling out of me, even my hips hurt. My mouth is dry, and I'm fighting so hard to keep my eyes open. I pray Hawk doesn't turn us away. I have no idea what I'll do or where I'll go if he does, but I can't go home. I can never go back there again.
I kiss my little boys head and breath in his newborn scent.
What kind of people don't even allow a mother to bathe her newborn son?
I feel like the worst mother in the world, even if it isn't my fault.
Chapter Three
Hawk
This better be fucking good, you son-of-a-bitch!” I bark at Ritchie, our newest prospect. He hasn't been with us a month yet, hasn't earned his road name, but he's on his way to earning his full patch. He's good at what he does. Loyal. He also knows I'm a miserable bastard and don't like to be woken up.
I've been staying here at the clubhouse more often than not. Since I lost Brooke, I haven't known what to do with myself. Pussy is easy to come by, not that I want any other pussy, but Brooke's. What I had with her was a once in a lifetime thing, never to be found again.
I work damn hard for this club. I'm always there when the brothers need me. I'm the first one in battle, and I've been even more involved these past six months.
What the fuck have I got to live for?
If some fucker shoots me tomorrow, then so fucking be it. Without Brooke, I'm nothing but a whole heap of anger and rage. Rage waiting to tear from me like a tornado and kill everyone and everything around me.
“There's some chick asking for you.”
“Are you fuckin' serious? It's four in the mornin', you prick! Couldn't you have told her to come back at a more reasonable hour, dammit?”
“I know, but the girl is all torn up, man. Hawk, she looks like she's been beaten the crap out of. She's got a tiny baby with her, and when I say tiny, I mean just born. She asked for you personally.”
I don't know any chicks with kids, nor pregnant with one other than the women of this club.
“What's she look like? Did you ask her name?”
“No, I didn't ask her name. I wouldn't've let her in, but she hardly looks dangerous. Get past the blood in her hair, and I'd say she's blonde, blue eyes, real pretty little thing. Dressed like it's summer rather than winter. Bruises all over her.”
If this chick has asked for me, then it's someone I must know. I'm not a complete bastard, and there's no way I'm going to leave a torn up woman with a newborn in this clubhouse for hours so that I can catch a few Zs. My mother would string me up by my ball when she found out.
“Fine.” I grab my jeans and pull them on, my boots, a T-shirt, and my cut before following him to the bar.
I stop dead in my tracks the second my eyes land on her.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck happened to her?
I take a deep breath and rake my fingers through my long hair.
She's mumbling something to the baby in her arms — the tiny baby she's holding close to her chest. Her hands are shaking as she touches his cheek. “It's okay, Gabriel.” I hear her voice, and I know that I'm not seeing things, she's really there in front of me, my Brooke.
“Brooke?” I walk toward her, and she looks up at me, her eyes filled with tears and relief. “What are you doing here?”
“Hawk,” She sobs my name but swallows it back. Brave girl never did want me to see her cry, never wanted me to think she was weak. “I'm sorry, I didn't have anywhere else to go. I needed to protect Gabriel. I only had a couple of hours before my dad sent him away, and...”
“Whoa,” I hold my hand up to her, silencing her mumbling while pulling up a stool in front of her and taking a seat.
She may have screamed at me that she didn't love me, but I knew it was bullshit, she was trying to protect me. I knew she wanted to come with me. I also knew I couldn'
t force her.
My dad was right, he came from a racist family also, and he knew how hard it was for Brooke back then. He told me she'd find her way back to me eventually, especially if the love was strong.