Chapter Eight
Brooke
My chest is heaving harshly. My head hurts like hell, and I'm being pinned down by my arms. However, it's just Hawk. It's not my father beating the hell out of me like in my dream.
I wish I hadn't let those thoughts into my head before I went to bed. The dream was so vivid; it frightened me like nothing ever has before, not even when my father threatened to kill Hawk was I this afraid.
However, the moment he told me he'd be sending Gabriel away and I only had hours to spend with him, that frightened me like never before. Ever second I held him was a second closer to losing him. If I hadn't run away and walked so many miles to get to the Snakes Henchmen clubhouse and Hawk, I wouldn't have my baby boy right now, and God only knows where he'd be.
“It's okay, Brooke, you're safe, baby, I've got you.” The tears pool around my temples. Hawk lets go of my arms and pulls me into his. I cling to him as he soothes my silly fears.
I'll get over what my father did to me in time, but it's still raw right now. Emotionally, I'm cracking. So much has happened in the past few days that it's finally catching up with me.
Hawk strokes the back of my head. I'm safe in his arms; I know I am. He'd never let anything happen to Gabriel or me. He'd kill and die for us; I know this without a shadow of a doubt. “I'm sorry,” I mumble against his chest.
“What happened, baby?”
“It was just a dream about Hank and everything he did to me, what he tried to do to Gabriel. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't leave when I did. I would never have known what happened to our baby boy, Dante.”
“Don't, Brooke,” I lift away from him so that I can look at him. He strokes my face the back of his hand. “You're so strong, Brooke, you walked away from that place with Gabriel and came to find me. Even thinking I'd moved on you still came to find me, never once thinking about yourself. Every step you took was for Gabe and his safety. Do you have any idea how brave that was?”
How could my mother ever ask me what I saw in this man? Which she did once. She didn't mean his color or the family he comes from; she meant in general. He's a biker, after all. They're bad people, she told me.
I told her the truth. Hawk is kind, understanding, sweet, always puts me first. He told me that no matter how disrespectful my family was toward others it didn't mean I had to disrespect them in return. I told my mother how Hawk was the angel God sent to me. I fully believed that to be true. Because since the day I met him, he has been the only thing that made sense to me. Each smile he shoots my way makes my tummy flutter in the best way.
I could have sworn I saw a slight smirk on my mother's face when I told her that. However, it was so quick, I couldn't have been sure, but for a second, I felt like she understood me. However, as quick as it came, the mood went. She slapped me to the ground and called me all sorts of vile names that she kept on calling me for months afterward. She even told me that I'd end up like Marnie, a nobody who had to marry a man that lives to beat the hell out of her.
Yes, my parents knew how my sister's husband treated her. It may not have been spoken, but they knew, and they didn't give a shit. Marnie's husband is rich, sends money to my parents to help keep their farm going. As long as they get their money every month, they don't give a damn what happens to their daughter.
I don't know how I'm ever going to be able to see my sister after this. There's no way her husband will ever allow us to meet up now after I've left home. It was rare that we were allowed to see each other when I did live with my parents. Once my parents tell Paul what I've done, that I've had a baby with a man of color, the chances of me seeing Marine again will be nonexistent because Marnie's husband is as racist as my father.
“I don't feel very brave, Hawk. I feel anything but right now.”
“Sweetheart, don't do this to yourself. You are brave. You're a wonderful mother. You're beautiful, and you are mine.”
I smile as he leans in and kisses me. “I love you, Dante.”
“I love you, too, beautiful.”
I look over his shoulder at the crib Emelda had Roman go out and collected for Gabriel earlier on. However, my baby isn't there. “Where the hell is my baby?!” I jump out of bed in a panic, but Hawk grabs my arm and pulls me against him. “Let go of me! I have to find Gabe!”
“He's with Grams, Brooke. He's fine.” With his hand on the back of my head, he holds me to him, shushing me and telling me everything will be okay.
I need to snap out of this. I can't let what might have happened, keep ruling what's going on in my life now. Gabriel and I are perfectly safe. I've left my bigoted family behind for Hawk's family. I'm happy here. Gabriel will never know my family or their way of thinking. My son will know only this family of wonderful people who teach their children to love every person equally.
We're going to be okay. I just have to remind myself of that every day until the day I no longer need reminding.
* * *
I stroke the back of my tiny boys head as he suckles on my breast. I'm sitting in the rocking chair beneath the window, rocking him gently as he feeds. Gabe looks so cute in his little feetie sleep-suit of baby blue, and cotton mittens on his hands. He smells of talc, and I can't stop smiling at him while tapping his little butt gently. His eyes are open and looking right at me. I know he can't see anything but shapes and shadows right now, but I know he knows who I am.
He makes little-humming noises as he suckles and I chuckle. I've never felt love like this before. I always knew that I'd love any child I might be blessed with, but I didn't realize how complete I would feel.
Being here with Hawk, who right now is fast asleep on his back in the bed across the room, safe with Gabe in my arms, I know we're going to be okay. That man will one day be my husband. He's already the father of my child, and I remember all those months ago when we talked about marriage and children.
He still loves me, never really gave up hope that I would one day find my way back to him. I admit that I was losing faith there for a while, but I did it, I made it back to him with our son in my arms.
No one could possibly understand how much I love Hawk. Every part of me loves every part of him. There is nothing about him that I don't like. Whatever kind of man he is when he's not with me, when he's with his club is the man he has to be for that fact alone. However, when he's with me is the man who makes me smile, laugh, feel safe, want to be the best woman I can be for him.
He's sweet, kind, caring, to me anyway, because he'd do anything for me, I know that. I don't even have to ask him, I just know it.
“You see that man over there, Gabe?” I ask my newborn son after he's finished feeding, I've tucked myself away, and I've turned him in my arms to face his daddy. “That man is the best man I know. Your daddy, loves you so much, and he will always protect you. Daddy is going to teach you so many things, Gabe. He'll teach you how to play ball, how to ride a bike. He'll read you stories at bedtime, kiss your head and tell you how much he loves you. Your daddy will never let you down, and I know he'll never push you to be someone you're not. He'll teach you respect because your daddy has that in spades.”
I know my baby is fast asleep right now, but I want to tell him this stuff. I will always tell him how special his daddy is and how lucky we are to have him.
“There are bad people in this world, Gabriel. Bad people who will do and say things that hurt badly. Mean people who will make comments about your grandparent's. Your grandfather Jack is a very nice man, and he loves your grandma Taylor, like, I've never known a man to love a woman. She's very beautiful, your grandma. She may have different colored skin to us, but she's perfect, Gabe. You're going to love her so very much. Never let anybody make you feel ashamed of where you come from, be proud of your family, Gabe, because they will always be proud of you.” I kiss his head and breathe him in.
Hawk and I are going to give our little boy the best life we possibly can. Yes, we will make mistakes, but then everyone does. We wouldn't be hu
man if we didn't. However, this little man is going to know just how loved he is, just how hard I fought to keep him.
Nothing else in the world matters to me but him... and his daddy, of course.
* * *
I love it here; everything is so calm. Hawk's grandparents are amazing, and I've never felt so welcome anywhere in my life before. It's kind of sad that we have to go home soon. Hawk has work to get back to, and we have a house to find.
If I didn't have to leave this place, I wouldn't. I feel safe here. Gabriel is safe here. However, life must go on, and we have to go home sometime. I can't let my father rule my life with fears of what he may or may not do. If I did that, I'd never move on with my life.
Right now, I'm sitting in a bar with Hawk, Wrench, and Roman. I don't know why I agreed to leave my son already, but Hawk insisted it would be good for me to take an hour or two out of the house without the baby. I wasn't so sure, but I came because it seemed to mean a lot to him.
Although I can't deny that I'm very uncomfortable right now, Hawk is angry because a guy winked at me and I automatically smiled back. It didn't mean anything. Not from me, anyway, but Hawk snapped at me and asked me if I wanted to go over there and sit on the guy's lap. Of course, I don't want that; it was just a smile.
Hawk has been ignoring me ever since. He's laughing with his brother and his cousin, but I'm left out of the conversation. Why did he bother to bring me if he was going to act like this? I wore this stupid blue, on the knee dress because Hawk bought it for me and asked me to, same with the blue heels. I fashioned my blonde hair in a twist because he asked me to, I'm even wearing makeup because he asked me to. Now I just feel stupid.
“When you planning on leaving?” Roman asks Hawk.
“End of the week.” News to me, but I guess he's just decided this through his anger.
I listen to them talking like I'm not here, and all I want to do is go home to my son. I don't understand why Hawk is acting this way over a smile. I feel like crying, but I won't. I also won't let him treat me like this! I can't handle the jealousy it's childish. I left my family for this man, and if he wants to keep me, he best damn well get over himself!