The truth is, I was terrified of my father and my brother, and I had nowhere to go even if I could have escaped. I will have to live with this for the rest of my whole life. Even if I do get the girls back, the guilt will never leave me.
“Marnie, are you okay, sweetheart?”
I nod my head at Brooke and kiss my nephews head while rocking him. My way of trying to mask the tears. I don't want to cry, but Lydia and Amber, and the fact that I failed them are all I can think about these days. My arms ache so badly to hold them.
“Hey, what's wrong?”
What am I supposed to say to her?
That I'm jealous of the fact, she got to keep Gabriel?
That I feel like a failure because she did what I couldn't for her child?
That he's with her when my daughters aren't with me?
That Gabriel will know and love his little brother just a couple hours old, when my girls may never know their sibling?
That I'm dying inside because it's been months since I saw my little girls, the little girls I am fast losing hope Draven will find?
“Come here.” Draven. My sweet husband-to-be takes my shoulders and turns me to face him, kissing my forehead while wrapping his arms around me, careful of the baby. Hawk gently takes DJ from me and winks before taking his son to his mother.
I snuggle into Draven as he holds me, trying to quill these damn tears. This is my sister's special moment, how dare I let my emotions get the better of me right now? How dare I make this about myself and the fact I'm losing hope? There's a time, and a place for that kind of thing and this isn't it.
I pull away from Draven, wipe my eyes, and kiss him before turning to my sister with a smile on my face. I won't have her worrying about me, not for anything.
“Sorry, Brooke, I'm just hormonal. Seeing DJ...” I smile at her. “It overwhelmed me. I am so happy for you.”
We spend the next two hours visiting, and I love spending time with my little family. No one from our immediate family will come here. Our mother washed her hands of us, and our brothers would like nothing more than to kill us should they see us again. The only reason they haven't sought us out is because of the MC and Draven. Both have made sure since what happened with Peter that our family knows what will happen to them should they come near us.
It doesn't hurt the way I imagined it would. We're not alone, Brooke and I have each other, the men with love, our children, and our friends, but we don't feel like we've lost out by losing our family. They were never much of one, to begin with. We're fortunate to have so many people care about us. People who wouldn't think twice about killing anyone who hurts us. It's strangely comforting.
Draven leaves the room at one point to take an urgent phone call. He's gone an age it seems, to me at least. By the time he comes back, I'm exhausted, that's why he takes me home. He has a meeting to get to, so I take myself to bed. The second I lay down, I'm lost to sleep.
I wake a couple of hours later and notice I have a text on my phone from Draven. I instantly smile. God, he always makes me smile. Since telling him about Lydia and Amber, knowing he loves me as much as I love him, and knowing he is doing everything in his power to find my little girls – even though I have lost hope it will happen – and bring them home to me, I smile all the time. Yeah, I cry, but I'm a pregnant, hormonal woman, who desperately wants her daughter's back.
Draven: Dress up, baby, I'm taking you to dinner ;)
The winky face makes me laugh. I climb out of bed and spend the next hour and a half pruning myself, making myself look as beautiful as I can being the size I am right now. Okay, I mean, I'm lucky, just like last time, I haven't gained any weight anywhere other than my stomach, but that doesn't mean I don't feel like a beached whale.
Oh, god! I have nothing to wear! Not for a night out, at least. What the hell am I supposed to do?
I grab my phone and call Draven. He answers quickly. “Baby, what is it?” I can't help but chuckle. Ever since Peter hurt me, Draven panics over everything, but it makes me feel so safe.
“I'm sorry to call you at work. It's just; I don't have anything to wear to go on our date.”
Date. Paul never took me on dates. Ever. Draven takes me on dates the nights he's not working, and I love how spontaneous he is with it all. It makes it special to me. It keeps our relationship interesting, that's for sure.
“I seem to have outgrown the only cocktail dress I own.” I pout as if he can see it, and Draven laughs as if he can. That's the beauty of us, we just know.
“Look inside the walk-in closet.”
I walk over to the white double doors on the far end of our bedroom. I put my phone on speaker, set it on the dresser, and open those doors. Right in front of my eyes, on a hanger, is the most beautiful, silver, ankle-length cocktail dress I have ever seen. It's strapless and will fit nicely around my bust and stomach, and flatter me everywhere else.
Oh, god, I'm going to cry, I can't believe he did this. Actually, yes, I can. He also bought me shoes to match, and a shawl!
“Oh, my god, Draven!”
“Don't you like it?” He asks in the most confused and disappointed tone of voice, which makes me smile.
“No, baby, it's perfect. When did you do this?”
“While you slept.” While I slept? He must have snuck home to put these here. “Get ready, sweetheart, I'll pick you up in half an hour.”
With the I love you's out the way, we end the call. I slip the beautiful dress over my special virgin white, lace underwear and strapless bra. I then fix my hair into a stylish bun at the nape of my neck and slide a diamond pin in the top to keep it together. I only apply light makeup because Draven prefers light over dark, he says someone with my complexion should never wear dark makeup. I wear what I want to wear, but right now, all I want is to please him. He's doing everything he can to fix my messed up past. I need to be more grateful.
A spritz of perfume, a chunky diamond bracelet that Draven bought me for my birthday a couple of weeks ago, the heart-shaped necklace that my sister bought me for the same reason, and I'm ready.
I stand back and look at myself in the floor-length mirror, turning from side to side, giggling to myself. The dress fits me perfectly, showing just how round my belly is now. I probably sound stupid, but I have never felt this happy in my entire life.
I look down at my diamond engagement ring, the ring Draven gave me the day I fully committed to this relationship, the day I told him that I couldn't wait to be his wife. As I look at it, I realize Draven, and I will never be married before the baby is born. Paul is too good at hiding from view, which is crazy when he's not all that smart. However, he comes from a wealthy family with many connections. I guess it's easy to hide when you have the means to do so.
My lawyer has tried to track him down with no joy. Draven had told me not to bother going down that route because he'll find him, and he will get me the divorce, but even Draven and his men have had no luck. I have to wonder if Paul is even alive anymore. Draven won't even tell me much about what he's working on to find Paul. I ask him a lot, but he keeps so much close to his chest.
I get it. Draven is a big bad Mafia Don, his business isn't mine, but sometimes, I wish he'd confide in me and let some of the burden drop from his shoulder. I in no way want to know about the awful things he does, because knowing about that stuff will play on my mind the way my brother’s death has these past weeks.
I had to read about it in the papers. The cops said a gang of kids murdered Peter and that it was drug-related. My brother was never a drug addict, but according to the reports, my brother was pumped full of heroin, beaten, and shot. Brooke and I weren't invited to his funeral. No one even came to tell us he was dead. Not that I expected anything different.
I'm glad in a way that no one spoke to us about it, the two of us know who killed Peter, but for some reason, it hasn't bothered Brooke at all. She's been able to push it out of her mind like it was nothing to her. Like Peter was nothing to her. I guess Brooke
hardened her heart after what he and Hank tried to do to her, and what she did to get away from them, what I wasn't strong enough to stop them doing to me.
The only good thing about knowing what Draven is, is the fact I know he's not a sex trafficker. I don't think I could be with him if he were. Actually, I know I couldn't be with him. I would never have so much as told him about the baby if that's the kind of man he was. To be honest, I thought he might have been because men like him usually are. However, he swore on our baby's life that he's never been that man, and I believed him.
Drugs? He's neither confirmed nor denied, but I imagine his men traffic those. How else would he control things? And believe me, he does control this town. Hell, this state.
Guns and ammunition?
Yes.
Protection rackets?
Without a doubt.