I sometimes wonder just what I would have done to get my little girls back if Draven hadn't helped me. How would I have found them? I had no help from anyone, no one to turn to. My father saw to that. My mother didn't even know my daughter's existed.
It was Hank that I should have stood up to. I should have told him that I'd go to the police, that I'd make sure he told them where my little girls were. I mean it's not hard for a doctor to know whether a woman has given birth before or not.
The trouble was, I knew Hank would have just killed me. No joke. The man was a psycho and didn't care two hoots about his daughters and what he did to them. I was nothing to that man. Nothing. He enjoyed hurting me, and taking my babies away from me was the worst thing he could have done. Making sure I never knew where they were was cruel, dangling them in front of me twice a year was vile.
I have many regrets in my life. What happened with the girls more than anything, but also allowing Paul to keep me away from my sister still haunts me. That poor girl suffered so much at Hank's bastards hands because I wasn't around to protect her the way I used to.
I am so proud of her, though. Brooke has no idea how proud of her I am. Proud of the fact she was strong enough to leave that hell hole we grew up in, strong enough to do it even though our father and brothers could easily have killed her had they caught her. She loved her little boy enough to take him to his father.
My little girls are everything to me, but I do regret not trying harder to leave with them. I thought about it a hundred times or more during that week I had my babies with me. However, it was like Peter could read my mind and made sure I knew there was no way out and nowhere for me to run.
In the few days Lydia and Amber have been with me, I have beaten myself up repeatedly over the time I've lost with them. It kills me that I missed their first steps, their first words, and all the difficult milestones Amber had to reach without me. Those are things I can never get back. The fact Draven told me about the state he found them in, the mess of the house they lived in, told me the full truth of what they suffered at that bitch's hands, hurt so much. I cried my heart out the first night they were home because of it.
Draven didn't want to tell me, but I could tell something was eating him up inside, and I didn't want him keeping things from me, no matter how hard they might have been for me to hear.
However, it was hard for me to hear; it all but killed me. It was bad enough hearing Lydia tell me how that bitch beat Amber and called her names because she's different. God, I couldn't stand it, it hurt so much inside because it was all my fault for not fighting harder for them. Draven held me close to him while I cried as he told me repeatedly that it wasn't my fault. But how could he say that when I know deep down that it was?
I should have fought harder to bring them home. I thought I was protecting them from Paul and his violence, but I have questioned if that was the right thing when they suffered as they did regardless. Paul would have been angry about Amber's condition, but I would have made him see that I would be the best wife in the world if he'd just let me keep them with me. If I'd have just taken them from that place, they'd have been okay with me. I know now they would have.
Not that Peter would have let me take them. Even if I got away, I wouldn't have got far before he or my father found me, took Lydia and Amber from me and beat the hell out of me before killing my girls. I would never have seen them again.
Then I think about the fact that if I had got them away from that place and Paul let me keep them, I wouldn't have met Draven and I wouldn't be pregnant with my baby. Our baby. It hurts on both sides.
I told Draven all of this. He told me that there is no point in dwelling on the past because it can't be changed, can never be altered, and I will never forget it, but I have to move on from it.
I know he's right.
It's time for me to move forward. Tomorrow, I marry the man of my dreams, the man I know now is the love of my life. The man who has made everything perfect in my life. I have no need to dwell on the past. I have a wonderful future ahead of me thanks to the wonderful man who loves me. And he does love me, that's one thing I will never doubt.
“Hey, sissy. What's on your mind?” I smile at my sister as she wraps her arms around my shoulders from behind. I'm in the kitchen fetching drinks for everyone. I have a house full this evening. My sister, Draven's, his cousin, some of the girls from the MC, some from Draven's side of the family, even some of the wives of the men working for Draven, including Amy. I don't know half of the others, but I'm happy they're here.
I rub my sister's hand lovingly. “I'm okay, Brooke, just a little excited for tomorrow. I can't believe I'm getting married again.” I'm lying to her, of course, because there's a lot on my mind right now. I'm keeping a lot from the people I love.
I turn to face her with a smile on my face.
“You deserve this, Marnie. That man loves you so much. I know I was a little skeptical at first, but I've seen how he is with you. He'd do anything for you.”
“I love him, Brooke. I really love him.”
“Hey,” She wraps her arms around me, holding me as these stupid tears fall. “It's okay,” She laughs while rubbing my back. “Everything is going to be perfect this time; you'll see.”
I wish I could believe that I really do, but how can I when I have Paul's family sending me threats every day? I should have changed my phone number instead of insisting I keep my old phone. Why the hell did I do that when Draven told me he'd buy me a new one?
Because I'm not one for fancy top of the range cell phones, I need it for nothing but making and receiving phone calls and texts. I don't use the internet other than at home once in a while.
I let Draven put a tracker on my phone because it keeps his mind at ease. If I'm totally honest, him knowing where I am if he can't get in contact with me puts my mind at ease. Especially after what Peter did to me, and Draven couldn't get in touch with me.
Draven is so over the top when it comes to my protection that I half expected him to trace my damn calls. But I guess he doesn't do that. If he did, he would know all about the threats I've been getting.
I guess if Paul's family follow through with their threats, Draven will be able to track me down through my tracker implant, so it's not all bad.
I don't know, maybe I'm worrying for nothing, it's not like those people can get anywhere near me when Draven has two men trailing me every time I leave the house. I'm never alone, not really. I'm safe; I know that I am. However, I'm still scared that something will go wrong and they'll get to me. It's not like I can go to the police about this, Draven would be so angry that I didn't tell him, to begin with.
I have to tell Draven what's been going on. I have to tell him that Paul's mother of all people has been threatening to kill me and take my unborn baby. Yes, she really told me that she would inject me with a paralyzing agent, perform a C-section on me, then slit my throat and watch me die, that I will feel every ounce of pain without being able to move to help myself. Once I'm dead, she'll take my baby and raise it as her own.
Sick bitch? Very much so.
Why on this earth would a racist want to raise my child? She doesn't. I wouldn't put it past her to use my child as some kind of weird sacrifice to the devil she no doubt worships.
I am terrified that she'll actually do it. I don't know why I'm so scared, but something inside of me is screaming that it's going to happen. That somehow, she'll slip by the men that protect me each and every day, and she'll kill me without a seconds thought, right after she's killed, my little girls.
She blames me for Paul going missing. She blames me because I left him and she thinks her saintlike son is innocent and that he's had some kind of breakdown and wandered off. I have no damn clue where he is or if he's even alive anymore. However, it's not my fault if he is dead; he got what he deserved.
I have to protect my children. More than anything else, I have to.
I'll marry the man I love tomorrow, and we'll spend o
ur wedding night making love, then I'll tell him what Paul's mother has been saying. He'll fix everything for me, and he'll make sure I'm safe, that our girls are safe. I don't want him to kill her, even though I know if I tell him, he'll do just that, but this has to stop. Her threats, however real they may be, are making me so ill, and I can't afford to be sick at this stage in my pregnancy.
Me being ill in any way would affect Lydia and Amber, and they've been through enough. I won't have either of them upset anymore.
My girls deserve to be happy, and safe. They have a huge family now, and everyone loves them. No one stares at Amber or makes comments about her condition. To everyone around us, she's just the same as every other child.
I won't lie; I was a little afraid that she wouldn't be accepted. I know that sounds bad, but it's been the same thing all her life. My father saw her as a monster, my brother the same. Ada never made comments in front of me, but now I know she treated my little girl terribly.
My baby is accepted here, and she's loved, they both are. I want them safe, and I want to be around to raise them, to raise the baby inside of me.
Draven will make everything all right. He'll make sure no one can hurt my baby and me. He'll make sure Lydia and Amber aren't left motherless because that man would do anything for me. Literally.
I put on my best poker face and spend the rest of the evening laughing with my friends. Willow is so ready to pop, she's extremely uncomfortable, and all night she's been rubbing her back. I narrow my eyes as she rocks back and forth in her seat.
Amy nudges me, and I nod my head because I'm thinking the same thing. “Willow, are you okay?”