He didn’t see her when he entered and scanned the barn with a quick, sweeping glance, so he headed toward the rear, thinking she might’ve slipped out the back door to the fenced pasture. As he neared the storeroom, he noticed the shovel lying in front of it and that the latch had fallen on the closed door seconds before he detected a faint whimper from behind it and realized what happened, and where Julie was.
“Fuck!” Releasing the latch, he swung it open, the swath of light that followed him inside shining on Julie where she huddled against the wall, digging her fingernails into her arm with convulsive gouges. Tiny scratches already marred her neck and had him swearing again. “God damn it!” Yanking the chain on the overhead bulb, Jackson stooped down in front of her, struggling to pull himself together in the face of her fear. “Come on, baby. Let go. I’m here.” Gripping her wrist, he pulled her hand off her arm, having to resort to force when she dug in even harder.
“I’m okay. I’m fine.” She looked at him with lucid but haunted eyes. “I’m okay, Jackson, because I knew you’d come.”
His relief was short-lived when he released her wrist and Julie went right back to scratching at her arm. “The hell with this,” he muttered. He knew a better way to deliver the pain she seemed to need for whatever reason. One that wouldn’t cause her any real harm—except maybe to her pride. Drawing her to her feet, he figured that would be a small price to pay to keep her safe from herself and give her what she needed.
Drawing her over to a small stool, he sat down and looked up into Julie’s desperate, confused face. “I refuse to stand by and watch you harm yourself.” With a yank, he brought her over his lap and before she could grasp his intent, jerked her shorts and panties down to mid-thigh. Jackson cracked his hand against her ass in a stinging blow while pinning her right arm, which he still clutched in his free hand, against her middle back. “If you need a painful diversion to deal with your demons, I’ll be the one to deliver it.” He landed another swat directly over the first, the sight of her wiggling, round cheeks stirring his cock. God, he loved the feel of a warming butt under his palm, so much so, he needed to remind himself what was at stake here.
“Jackson!” she cried out as he shifted her ass higher with the lift of his thigh and forced her to brace her other hand on the floor. “What… what are you doing?”
“What does it feel like?” Jackson peppered her cheeks with a quick volley of sharp smacks. “I’m giving you another resource for your panic attacks: me. Lie still.” He followed that stern dictate with a blow to the under curve of one enticing buttock.
“I-I can’t! It… hurts, and…” Julie gasped with the next slap, unsure what she wanted to say. She could hardly grasp the fact Jackson was belaboring her bare butt, let alone the sweeping assault on her senses his painful smacks set off. Her entire backside burned and throbbed, and God help her, the encompassing pain worked like a fricking dream in calming her fears by claiming her attention.
Julie’s abdomen tightened with each spank, her thighs quaking from her effort to maintain her balance over his lap. “Please,” she whispered as her hips lifted for the next smack without her permission, her body embracing the pleasure/pain in a way she never had with cutting. The sheer intimacy of his hand connecting with repeated precision on her naked, quivering flesh added to the mind-boggling pleasure stemming from the stinging discomfort covering her buttocks.
Jackson swatted her again. “It’s supposed to hurt, Julie. Isn’t that the point of you harming yourself? You use the pain to distract you from your fear.”
He aimed for her thighs next, smacking first one then the other, spreading the heat and agony until the sensations blurred and she couldn’t differentiate between pain and pleasure. Just as fast as he’d flipped her over his lap, he stopped tormenting her ass and soothed the raw ache that pulsed over her entire lower body with a soft caress. He cut off Julie’s low moan of gratitude and spoiled her relief by squeezing the abused flesh next. “Crap!” she cried out, trying to shift away from this new pain, his low, diabolical chuckle revealing little sympathy for her plight.
Flinging her burning face up and around, Julie glared at his smug look. “Not funny. I’m okay now. You can let me up.” He shocked her when he cupped his warm hand between her legs. That intimate touch drew a spate of all new sensations and a gush of cream against his palm. Sexual awareness followed by aching desire zipped through her entire body and her thighs fell open in blatant invitation. “Jackson?” she whispered, unable to disguise or hide from the need his touch generated.
“If you insist.” Jackson released her arm and let her cling to his when she wobbled as he helped her stand. Perspiration glistened on her neck, her red face matching the color of her ass, her eyes now dilated with pleasure and frustration instead of fear. He jerked up her shorts before he could give in to the temptation to do more. Pulling her between his spread legs, he kept a tight grip on her too bony hips. “Until you’re ready to tell me what happened, you come to me instead of cutting yourself, understand?”
“No, I don’t understand any of this.”
Julie’s painful admission tugged at his heart, and Jackson guessed it was more her aroused response to his spanking she was questioning than the pain that had worked to calm her fears. Her response astounded him, too, but also thrilled him. How far he could take her, how deep the surprising submission reflected on her face and body went, remained for him to unearth. It would be a fine line he’d be walking if he decided to introduce her to sensation play. Such scenes could get intense, and she appeared fragile right now.
Standing, he wrapped his arms around Julie’s shaking body. “You came to me because you trust me. Let’s start with that. I have to bring in the livestock. Go up to the house and wash up. We’ll heat up the leftovers from last night and watch a movie. You don’t have to think about anything else tonight.”
He felt the tenseness seep out of her taut body as she nodded against him. “Okay.” Pulling out of his embrace, she turned away, saying, “Thank you, Jackson.”
“SO, TELL ME SOMETHING.” Julie ignored Jackson’s smirk when she winced as she sat at the small kitchen table across from him. She’d been wondering about this for some time, all the way back to that forceful kiss he’d controlled with a tight grip on her nape, oblivious to who was watching them. The only thing that had surprised her more than the first touch of his mouth on hers had been her instant response to his rough possession. The banked heat and underlying dominance reflected on his face that last night in New York had been stamped on his features again today. Waving her fork, she asked him point blank, “Are you a Dom?”
He did a good job of masking his surprise, but she caught the quick flash in his dark blue eyes. Julie liked knowing she could catch him off guard, and sensed she would need all the ammunition she could amass to keep from falling the rest of the way in love with him. Years and distance hadn’t lessened what had started when she’d been twenty and looked at him as a man instead of the boy next door for the first time, but until she told him the truth, all of it, about that fateful day in Montana, she had to be content with the close bond of friendship she was still working on regaining. It would be difficult, now that her body wanted him as much as her heart, and had even before he’d cut ties with her. She could only hope they evolved into a sexual relationship that would open another door toward forgiveness.
“What do you know of Doms?” Jackson nailed her with a dark look that drew a shiver of anticipation down her spine.
“I lived in New York, Jackson. Sins of the flesh, decadence run amok.” She waved her fork again. “I either saw or heard about it all.”
Jackson waited until he’d swallowed another bite to get the sudden stab of jealousy under control before asking her a blunt question of his own. “Did you check out any clubs in New York, play tie me up with a boyfriend?”
“No.” Julie narrowed her eyes at him. “And unless you want me to ask what you did with your girlfriends, that’s all I’m saying
.” He’d probably be shocked if he knew how limited her sex life had been, regardless of what the tabloids boasted. “Now, answer my question.”
“Yes, I am, and I don’t have girlfriends, I have play partners, subs. You know you can trust me, so, are you open to exploring a different alternative to dealing with your fears?”
Julie’s heartbeat picked up speed and her pussy warmed just from the penetrating look in his direct gaze. With the lingering heat and ache still pulsing over her butt continuing to feed her simmering arousal, she was hard pressed to deny him anything. “Are you talking about spanking me again?”
“That, and a lot more, if you can keep an open mind and continue to trust that I would never intentionally cause you harm.”
She tried not to squirm as he waited patiently for her to consider his suggestion. Not only did she yearn to believe he could help her, but also to explore further what that spanking hinted at. If she went strictly by her mind and body’s response to his take charge, heavy-handed control of her situation when he’d found her, there would be no question about giving his proposal a try. Hadn’t she tried everything else without much luck? But even her limited sexual encounters had been absent the past two years, and Julie didn’t think she could bear it if he found her lacking in that area as well. The craving to please Jackson, find favor with him after all this time of fretting over losing him because of the way she’d let go of herself to fit in in New York, had been growing since the moment Julie saw him again. What if she failed to accept his lifestyle and his attempts to help her cope with her fear of the darkness that seemed to resurrect the demons she couldn’t get rid of?
Jackson shoved his empty plate aside and deepened his voice as he instructed, “Talk to me, Julie. Communication is essential if this is going to work.”
There was a time when they’d always been open with each other, honest almost to a fault. While she still couldn’t bring herself to reveal what had happened in Montana, Julie could give him an honest answer about this fear. “I know you may not believe me, and I won’t blame you if you don’t, but I did manage to hold on to a few of my values when I went to New York. A lot of my friends were heavy into the sexual freedoms that come with being in the spotlight and the center of attention, but not me.” She glanced away from his direct, probing stare. “I had a few relationships after… you left. Nice men, but…” She shrugged with self-conscious embarrassment. “I think they wanted the siren I portrayed in pictures, not the real me, who was still there.” That was all she could bring herself to admit. She wasn’t one to blush or embarrass easily, but being candid about her failure as a bed partner was one subject that mortified her, and one she’d never discussed with anyone.
Jackson remained silent for a long, pensive moment before nodding his head, as if he’d come up with an important decision, or a plan. “They were idiots. Come on. Let’s get these few dishes done and veg out. Mondays are always busy in the clinic and we both need a good night’s sleep.”
Regardless of what she needed, that didn’t happen. It wasn’t a nightmare that kept her awake most of the night—or a dark room, since the bedside light stayed lit. Just the opposite, in fact. Her dreams were filled with erotic scenes between her and Jackson, of being bound, held at his mercy and brought to multiple orgasms that eradicated the nightmares for good. Julie heard a door shut down the hall then the faint clank as a shower came on, and guessed Jackson had finished with the morning feeding and was getting ready to see clients. Picturing his tall, muscular body slick with water sluicing over his wide shoulders, down his back and taut buttocks, revived the warm rush her vivid dreams had woken her with. Yeah, it was going to be a long day.
After topping off her coffee, she carried the cup downstairs and flipped the sign on the door to the clinic to open. Settling behind the computer, she pulled up today’s appointments and almost groaned aloud at seeing almost every time slot filled in. Jackson hadn’t been kidding, Mondays did look to be the busiest for the clinic. With any luck, that would work in her favor and keep her from nodding off or daydreaming about feeling Jackson’s hands on her again.
Sheer exhaustion ensured Julie slept better that night, and she was up early enough, and refreshed enough to assist Jackson with filling food and water bowls. It still boggled her mind, the number of animals he kept up with.
“I don’t know how you do it,” she commented as she brushed her hands off and they walked toward the house together. “Why don’t you have hired help during the week instead of just weekends?”
He sent her a rueful glance, one brow raised in sardonic amusement, and she laughed. “Oh, yeah, you don’t like people. I must really be pushing your limits,” she teased with no intention of offering to leave. It had taken her too long to shore up the nerve to return to him, she wasn’t about to run away, even if what he hinted at introducing her to left her with taut, stretched nerves and in constant, edgy arousal.
“You are, but I tolerate you. I guess some things never do change. I’m glad you got a better night’s sleep last night.” Jackson held the door open for her, the corner of his mouth turned up in a crooked grin, his gaze level as if he was daring her to ask how he knew that.
“I bet you’re a good Dom with those keen observation skills.”
“I am, which you’ll discover soon enough. Here comes our first patient.”
Julie liked the ‘soon’ part of that boast as much as his referral as ‘our’ to the first appointment. Given the baggage she was keeping from him, she knew it wasn’t smart to enjoy the warm fuzzy feeling his heated looks and innocent comments stirred inside her, but she’d lived with fear induced coldness for so long, she flat out didn’t care if it was wise or not.
JACKSON MADE sure he arose Wednesday in time to finish the chores and get an early start on making his house calls, hoping he wasn’t about to make a huge mistake. Anticipation and a rare touch of nerves rippled under his skin as he pulled into his drive just shy of 4:00 pm. Squinting into the sun’s lowered position, he made sure it still shone bright and warm enough for the scene he planned for Julie. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn’t consider getting involved with a woman, sub or not, whom he knew was keeping something important enough to alter her life from him. It was imperative to know the root cause of her fear, but guilt over not being there for her, along with dread over finding her huddled in the dark again, trying to inflict enough pain to divert her mind from the demons plaguing her, prodded him into moving forward now. He suspected the stress of coming to him after all this time bore most of the responsibility for her recent panic attacks, and after conversing with both Sean and Dax, thought he’d come up with a way to ease that stress.
Sliding out of his truck, he strolled toward the house, forcing his focus to remain on giving Julie what she needed and not on what he found he still craved. He would never have considered introducing her to a bondage scene, at least not this quickly, if it hadn’t been for her acceptance and response to her first spanking. Julie’s admission about her limited sexual experience, the emphasis she’d put on ‘after you left’, and her look of shame that hinted at self-blame for her partners’ dissatisfaction, irritated him. He didn’t like thinking he’d been responsible for keeping her from a satisfying relationship, or that the men she’d chosen to sleep with had allowed her to believe she was at fault because they were too inept to see to her needs.
Taking the back stairs two at a time, he concluded one clear point: Julie needed his help. That’s all he’d ever had to see or know to urge him into action when it came to her well-being.
“Good, you’re not busy.” Curled on the sofa with a thriller he recognized from the row of ‘keepers’ he kept on a shelf in the great room, Julie glanced up at him with a smile.
“Am, too.” Holding up the front cover, she stated, “This is a great read. It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed a suspense novel so much.”
“Yeah, it’s one of my favorites.” Plucking the book out of her hands, he marked her pl
ace with the cover then drew her to her feet. As she was wearing the same loose shorts as the other day, with a stretchy, banded top that left her shoulders and upper chest bare and showed a peek of taut stomach muscles, Jackson appreciated how easy it would be to divest her of her clothing. “Come with me.” He tugged on her hand to follow him.
“Where are we going?”
He liked the breathless catch in her voice. “I promised you a demonstration of what a good Dom I am.” Without breaking stride, he led her outside and across the yard to the barn, not giving her time to think too hard, or himself time to second guess his plans.
“Yes, I know, but… now?” They entered the barn and Jackson guided her over to the west side and the low bench situated under the one window. “Here?” Julie squeaked, casting a disbelieving look around the rustic space.
“Yes now, and yes, here.” Sitting on the bench, he shifted his hands to her hips, holding her in place with a tight grip and commanding gaze. “All you have to remember is the three colors of a traffic light. Say red if you want me to stop, yellow if you need me to pause for whatever reason, and green if you’re good with me continuing. I’ll ask you for a color periodically to ensure you’re still with me. Do you understand the safe words?”
“Yes, that’s easy, but… what’re you going to do in here?” Julie blinked against the glare of sunshine splashing across her face through the window.
“Close your eyes, keep them closed, and I’ll show you.”
ON A DEEP INHALE, Julie closed her eyes and waited with bated breath to see what he’d do. The sun’s warmth covering her face spread down her neck and chest, then, as Jackson’s fingers tugged down her tube top, over her bare breasts as they sprang free. Her eyes flew open, and she looked down in time to watch those long, dark fingers sweep under the plump fullness of each breast. One light caress over her nipples turned the warmth into blazing heat.