I nodded before I'd thought better of it. Aric swallowed with nervousness, then placed his shaking hand on my belly. His amber eyes turned starry with emotion. "I feel him, sieva!" he said in wonder. "I can feel our son. He's strong."
As I stared at Aric's noble face, my glyphs shivered over me, glowing brighter and brighter. That old feeling of unity between us bloomed. I'd missed this so much. I'd missed the life we'd made together. "Strong like his father."
Jack stood in the doorway, a box of supplies in his hands. His troubled gaze took in the scene.
I drew back with guilt. "Tee kicked. Hard." After all those nights Jack had patiently waited to feel that . . .
Where's your head at, Evie?
"Good, good." Before Jack schooled his expression, I saw his disappointment. He wordlessly began unloading food in the small kitchenette.
I hurried to join his side. "Let me help you."
He shook off some of his unease, even managing a smile for me. "You sure? Two cooks, and all that?"
"Over the last few weeks, I've become really proficient at cooking pasta."
In a dry tone, he said, "No, bebe, you really haven't."
I slapped his chest. "Dick."
Aric avidly watched this interplay, then excused himself. While Jack and I prepared the meal, he changed from his armor to clothes he'd had in his saddlebags. Customary gloves, of course.
In front of the crackling fire, we three ate in silence. As soon as the warm food hit my stomach, exhaustion set in again. Nagging doubts about tomorrow surfaced. Would I be strong enough to do what needed to be done?
Aric studied my face, reading me so easily. "You should rest a couple of days before this battle. Discretion is the better part of valor."
"I'll be on edge until Paul's dead." I rubbed my nape. "And we're closer to the sphere than I'd like to be. I bet you can see it from atop the satellite dish."
"You would be able to, yes. But we've dozens of miles between us and it."
Jack asked me, "You got a plan for tomorrow?"
"Sure. Smash and grab."
Aric pinched the bridge of his nose.
"I'm kidding." Not at all. "Tell us the lay of the land, Aric. What do I need to know?"
"Lark normally sleeps during what passes for day, so an early incursion would be advisable. As soon as you cross the boundary, the Archangel will likely trail you in. If we are lucky, he'll escort you to Paul, instead of exacting his own revenge for past games."
Jack shook his head. "Too big a risk."
"Sieva, if Jack accompanied you with his rifle--"
"He stays. I can't watch him die again. And I can't watch him put a bullet in our friends to protect me." I asked Jack, "Would you shoot Lark if I was in trouble?"
He exhaled, but said, "Sans doute." Without a doubt.
"Then I go alone. Once I'm inside, I'll knock everyone out with spores, then strangle Paul with the noose while he's asleep." I sounded confident, though spores could be tricky.
Aric said, "Over the last year, you've asked things of me that I didn't feel capable of. Taking off your cilice. Trusting you not to strike against me. Letting you go. But now you're asking me to endorse your plan to challenge a trio of Arcana--when you're more than four months pregnant with our son. And no matter what happens at the castle, I will not be able to assist you."
"I know it's a big ask. But you'll just have to trust me." Softening my tone, I pointed out, "You didn't trust me about Paul, and look what happened."
"If you tell me you feel one hundred percent confident that you can prevail tomorrow, then I will believe you."
"I feel one hundred percent confident that we have no choice. If you come up with a better plan, I'll listen. But otherwise, my mind is made up . . . ."
After dinner, Jack started gearing up for the cold. "Goan to check out that sphere." He seemed as uncomfortable around it as I was.
"If I fall asleep, will you make sure it doesn't sneak too close tonight?"
He grabbed his bow. "On it. In the meantime, maybe the Reaper can talk some sense into you." They shared a look before Jack left.
I rose and went to the window. As I watched him head out into the wintry landscape, I thought of the little bug-out bag Jack had painstakingly put together for Tee. Damn it, he should've been the first to feel a kick. Instead, he'd witnessed a moment between me and Aric.
In the letter Jack had left for me before the massacre, he'd written: You and Death have something that I don't understand, and I've got to start trying to get over you. To pull your thorn from my skin.
Seeing hints of the shaky tie between me and Aric emerging again must be killing him.
He probably sensed my gaze, but he didn't glance back. Was Jack even now trying to pull my thorn from his skin?
Did it pain him? Was he bleeding inside? He didn't understand; we could be separated, but I'd never release my hold on him. Only fair, since I would never get over him.
Like me, Jack Deveaux would bleed for life.
"How are you feeling?" Aric asked hesitantly. He must be recalling how badly our conversation had gone in the cave.
I turned to him, not yet ready to be alone with him. That earlier moment between us had slipped up on me so totally, but now I was on edge. "I'm okay, I guess."
"You don't have to do this tomorrow."
"Agree to disagree." I didn't want to hurt him anymore, but I couldn't just magically forget all I'd been through. It would take time. "I probably need to rest." I grabbed my bag and headed to the back room.
At the doorway, he said, "I would like to watch over you as you sleep."
The idea sent my emotions spiraling. Memories of his attack were too fresh. "Aric, I'm not ready for that. It's too soon." I'd had nightmares of him for months.
The blond tips of his eyelashes glowed in the firelight as he said, "Are you afraid of me?"
I wanted to protect his feelings, but I also needed to be honest with him. Honesty won out. "This close to the sphere? Yes." Maybe I did have PTSD. "Besides, I warned you about the witch."
"Though she isn't partial to me, apparently she's been looking out for our son. If need be tomorrow, let her do so once more."
"And if she doesn't stop at Paul?"
"You won't harm Lark or Gabriel on a whim."
I wished I could be so certain. "Aric, I can't predict what will happen with me. She truly might harm you."
"A bridge to cross another time." Aric's way of saying kick the can down the road. He opened his mouth to say more, closed it, then tried again. "Over these months, I've made so many mistakes. I should have done a score of things differently. But you know I can learn from my mistakes--if given the chance. You know it can be good between us again, love." He was making it sound like we could pick up right where we'd left off. How could we ever find our way back there? "Even when under the Hanged Man's control, I longed for you. I missed my wife." He took a step closer.
I took one back. "Should I forget everything that's happened and resume life with you at the castle? Should we send Jack back out into the Ash? Could you doom him after he saved me and Tee?"
He exhaled. "I have no solution for this situation. Not one we can all live with."
Neither did I. "Aric, will you please give me some breathing room? I need to think."
His
eyes went dark and dim once more. "I will go. To make you more comfortable, I won't return without the mortal."
"Take your time."
Before closing the door, he stopped and said, "I do not want you to go to the castle alone."
I rubbed my temples. "This is my lot." I now had one mission: destroy Paul. If I won the day, I would reevaluate everything else then. "I've accepted it."
He held my gaze as he said, "Our son is strong. Like his mother."
Oh, Aric. He left me, the door clicking shut behind him.
I released a pent-up breath, wondering when--or if--I'd feel comfortable with him again. Was it PTSD making me so antsy? Or the sphere? Pregnancy?
My vote: all of the above.
What was I going to do about him? Them?
Mulling this conundrum, I used some of the cabin's water stores to shower and get ready for bed. I climbed under the covers, sighing at the softness of the mattress and expensive sheets. Compared to the pallet I'd been sleeping on, this bed should've been heavenly, but it was missing Jack.
I was missing him.
And Death. When I detected Aric's addictive scent on the pillow--sandalwood and pine--memories of our fateful night here overwhelmed me, until I felt like I was cheating on Jack.
I adored his raw passion, yet I craved Aric's seething intensity. One love fated. One love endless. Since perfect for me couldn't be bested, how could I live without either?
Jack, the love of my life, had told me, "Peekon, it'll always be Evie and Jack."
Aric, my soul mate, had told me, "We are forever."
Whom to believe?
I'd come full circle, was right back to that night at Fort Arcana when I'd struggled to decide between them. As I'd done then, I imagined my life as a road. On one side was Jack, on the other Aric.
Even after everything that had happened, I'd covered only a few measly miles.
One thing I knew about tomorrow? Nothing would ever be the same.
48
The Hunter
"Where's Evie?" I asked when Death joined me atop the satellite dish. I'd been sipping a bottle of whiskey I'd snagged in Jubilee. From this height, I could see the sphere in the distance.
A constant reminder of the stakes.
"She wanted some time to herself. I'll know if any threats approach."
I already had my eye on the sole cabin door. I handed him the bottle. "Must be nice for her to have a real bed again." I wasn't stupid, me. Knew those two had probably been together in it. Jealousy prickled.