That was the last time I got to talk to him.
Sophia held me through the night. She wrapped her body around mine. She forced her presence into my very being. She stopped the walls from crumbling in around me.
I would have killed again last night.
I would have murdered someone, somewhere.
I would have ended a life just so they would have been forced to accompany my brother as his eternal slave when he reaches his end.
But she kept me bound to the earthly world.
Rolling over to be face to face with her in the early morning lights, I push my forehead against hers.
“Thank you,” I murmur to her slowly waking eyes. “I… I love you, Sophia.”
“James,” she says quietly.
Shaking my head, I say, “In your own time. You feel it now, I know you do. You just can’t admit it to yourself yet. Kinda like how you already know my dick has ruined you for all other men.”
“Ugh.” She scrunches up her nose at me. “You’re such a douchey frat boy.”
She doesn’t pull away though, and I think we both know what that means.
She fucking loves me and my douchiness.
The phone rings on my nightstand and I wait to see if I feel my stomach drop.
When the feeling doesn’t arrive, I flop to my back and pull Sophia close to my chest.
Hitting the speakerphone, I say, “John.”
“Me, Beth, Charlie, and Amanda are stopping by for breakfast in a couple hours,” Johnathan snickers before disconnecting the call.
“Motherfucker,” I growl.
“I don’t have any clothes,” Sophia says with a groan.
“I’ll call Uriel,” I grumble.
14
Sophia
James thinks he loves me.
Fuck, he thinks he loves me.
And I’m pretty sure, after all the stuff he said yesterday, he’s wants to knock me up to keep me with him.
Digging through the bag of stuff Uriel dropped off for me, I search desperately for my birth control pills. Deep down, I know James would never instruct or give Uriel permission to pack them for me.
Despite how much I begged and begged.
But there’s still a tiny irrational part of me that hopes that when Uriel was packing my stuff up, he may have accidentally included them too.
After all, he’s packed all my toiletries and makeup.
Sorting quickly through everything, I find my hair dryer, my curling iron, and even my tampons and panty liners. There’s also some Midol and my daily vitamins.
But there’s no birth control pills to be found.
Or a single bra, for that matter…
“What the fuck?” I mutter as I rip through the clothes Uriel packed for me.
“Something wrong?” James asks from behind me, and I don’t even have to look at him to see the smirk on his face.
I hear it in his voice.
Last night was a strange night for me.
After James received the news about his friend, I watched him completely break down. His pain, his anger, so raw, so visceral and real, it called to my own grief.
And… I don’t know why… I know he’s sick and I should put as much distance as possible between us, dammit, but all I wanted to do was comfort him.
Comfort him so he didn’t have to hurt like I hurt.
Like I’m still hurting.
I couldn’t stand to see what he was going through. I couldn’t bear the thought of him aching with the same ache I wake up with and feel every day.
It was eating me up inside.
And despite everything that’s happened, everything he’s done to me, for whatever reason, I didn’t and don’t want him to suffer what I have.
I wanted and needed to be there for him.
When he let me hold him, when he let me ease some of his pain by just being there for him, it was almost like he was comforting me too.
The night was long and full of our own ghosts and demons, but the morning seems to have returned things to somewhat normal.
Normal enough for me to pretend like we totally didn’t have a moment last night.
Normal enough for me to pretend like I’m not entertaining the idea of actually staying with him.
Fuck, I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why I would even want to do that.
He’s so crazy, I think he’s making me crazy.
Sensing him peeking over my shoulder, I glance up to glare at his face. “I thought you told Uriel to pack up everything I’d need?”
Giving me his best blank expression of pure innocence, James blinks slowly at me. “I did.”
Grabbing a black lacy thong and pinching it between two fingers, I wave it in his face. “Then why did he only pack me thongs? And where are all my bras? There’s not a single bra in here!”
James glances at the thong then his eyes slide back to me.
A slow, wicked grin spreads across his lips. “Bras are unnecessary.”
“What?” I scowl at him.
“You don’t need a bra. In fact, scientific studies have proven they’re bad for you. They cause unnecessary back pain, can prevent tissue from growing, and weaken your muscles.”