Two of the guards were running towards me but I ignored them, took a deep breath, and ran on. Konstantin was dangling the arsonist over the edge, now, his feet kicking in the air. All he had to do was open his hand.
I stopped just a few feet from Konstantin, which was as close to the corner of the roof as I dared get. The drop filled my whole vision and I went woozy with fear, rocking on my heels, my stomach trying to climb into my mouth. If the wind blew me now, there was nothing I could do except scream all the way to the bottom. “Stop!” I yelled over the wind.
This time, Konstantin must have heard me. But he still didn’t react. His eyes were wild and he was breathing in huge, rasping pants.
So I did the only thing I could think of: I lunged forward, my toes right on the edge, and grabbed hold of his outstretched arm.
25
Konstantin
THE MAN WAS HEAVY, but I could have stood there holding him all night. The pain was thundering through my veins, stronger than it had been in years. I could see the faces of the people Ralavich had taken from me. I could feel the bite of the icy water. It made me strong, made me sure of what I had to do.
And then she was there, her arms wrapped around my bicep, tugging my arm down, trying to bring the guy back onto the roof. “Stop!” she was yelling. “Please!”
I blinked at her. Just for a second, I didn’t recognize her. It was Christina’s face, but the horror in her eyes at what I was about to do... that wasn’t Christina at all. Christina would have understood me killing him, maybe even urged me on. But this woman….
She thought I was better than that.
I scowled. I had to kill him. Anything else would be weak. If she’d forgotten what I was, in her time in hospital, she’d soon remember. As soon as I opened my hand and—
“Please!” she begged again.
My hand twitched. The man’s sweaty neck slipped in my fingers and Christina caught her breath….
...but I couldn’t seem to open my hand all the way. I could see the pain in Christina’s eyes. The hurt I’d cause if I did it. And I couldn’t bring myself to hurt her. Weak. Weak, weak, weak….
I turned and hurled the guy back onto the roof. He rolled to a stop, bruised and battered...but alive.
My guards were well disciplined. They surrounded the man and looked to me for orders as if nothing had happened. But I could see a few of them casting furtive glances at Christina, and at each other. Did she really just…?
I had to re-establish control. “Take him!” I snapped. “Put him out of commission but don’t kill him. Wait for us downstairs.”
They grabbed the man and ran off. When the rooftop was empty except for Christina and me, I marched over to her, furious. “What’s the matter with you? You can never go against me in front of my men!”
She nodded meekly, her eyes on the floor. God, she suddenly looked so small, so scared. And yet she’d stood up to me when I was in a blind rage. Even my guards wouldn’t dare do that. I had to admire her bravery... and that made me start to soften.
I tried to coax the anger back. “You never cared what I did before!”
She looked up at me, eyes huge. “I—I know, but….” She flung her arms out, helpless. I can’t explain.
And I couldn’t explain what was happening to me. The more I looked down into those big, innocent eyes, the more I felt my control slipping away. Down in the dungeon, her goodness had fired my lust. But now, up here, it was triggering something else in me, something that lifted in my chest. I couldn’t feel that. Not since that day all hope died. But it was real, just as real as the pain. And then I saw that she was shivering. God, she must be freezing. And I couldn’t give her my jacket, it was thirty stories down, with one of my men. I gave one last sigh, furious with myself for being weak... and then I grabbed her and pulled her against my chest, wrapping my arms around her. Her breasts squashed against my chest, but for once, it wasn’t about wanting to fuck her. I felt protective. Tender. Weak.
I shook my head. “Damn you, golub,” I muttered.
26
Hailey
WHEN WE GOT HOME, Konstantin headed straight up the stairs to our bedroom. My heart started thumping in my chest, speeding up with each stair we climbed. This was it: he’d want to continue what we’d started down in the dungeon.
The bedroom had an adjoining bathroom for each of us. He disappeared into his and I heard the shower turn on. I raced into mine and did the same, washing the smell of smoke from my hair. Then I rushed into the closet in a towel and tried to figure out what to wear. What the hell did Christina wear for bed? Lingerie? Just panties? Nothing at all? In the end, I went for panties, but kept the towel wrapped around myself, too self-conscious to be topless straight away.