The Double

He leaned down, his lips a half-inch from mine. “Ya lyublyu tebya,” he gasped.

The orgasm was right on me, my whole body trembling with it, about to release—

“I love you,” he translated.

And oh God as I realized…. “I love you, too.”

And then the pleasure exploded through me, my hips circling and thrashing as he ground down into me. I bucked and trembled, crying out, and felt him shoot in long, hot streams deep inside me.

40

Hailey

I WOKE to the firm, warm curve of Konstantin’s pec under my cheek, the reassuring solidness of his bicep under my fingers. I was half on top of him and it was the best thing in the world, like cuddling up to an enormous, heated teddy bear. How could a man so terrifying also be so comforting? But maybe it made sense: all that scary power was turned outward, now, away from us. I knew that he’d never allow anyone to hurt me and that made me feel protected like nothing else.

I had no idea what time it was. The sun wasn’t up yet and Konstantin was still asleep. In my post-sex fog of cuddle hormones, all I wanted to do was stay snuggled into his chest, sleepy and warm. But my throat was like a desert. I really, really needed a glass of water.

I slipped out of bed and padded to the bathroom, not bothering to turn the light on. There was just enough moonlight to see by as I filled the glass. As I lifted it and drank, I was smiling, already looking forward to sliding back into his arms.

“What’s going on?” asked Carrie’s voice in my ear.

The water turned to acid in my mouth. I couldn’t swallow. I had to open my mouth and let the water spill into the sink, like being sick. I’d completely forgotten they were listening.

They’d heard everything. They’d heard I love you. Somehow, that was more of a violation than them hearing the sex.

“We need to pull you out,” said Calahan. I’d never heard him so shaken.

I thought of being taken away from Konstantin and ice closed around my heart and crushed it, jagged and cruel. “No,” I whispered quickly. “No. It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

Silence for a moment. Then Carrie’s voice, worried but with a cautious note of hope. “You were just playing along?”

I reached forward and turned on the light on the bathroom mirror. My hair was tangled and stuck to my forehead. My lips were still tender from all the kissing. They silently formed the words we’d said to each other. I love you.

“Yes,” I lied. “Just playing along.”

They went silent for a moment. I imagined them looking at each other. Then, “We’ll talk in the morning,” said Carrie.

I reached out and touched hands with my reflection. What the hell do I do now?

41

Konstantin

I WOKE UP and frowned. Something was different.

I was on my back, spread out across the bed, but it wasn’t that.

Christina lay half on top of me, her head on my chest. I had one arm protectively around her waist and one of her legs was tangled with mine. Her hair trailed across me and the sweet smell of it was in my nostrils. Instead of being on opposite sides, we were as closely together as it’s possible for two people to be. But it wasn’t that.

It was a lack of something. I searched through my half-awake mind, feeling for the black water, the ice in my chest...and I didn’t find it.

I hadn’t had the dream. And yet there wasn’t the gray void and the aching head I was used to, either. There was something else there. A good dream.

The concept was alien to me. It had been so long, I’d forgotten what they were like. I had to tentatively probe my memories, and then I suddenly hit an image of her—us—somewhere away from the city, somewhere green and clear. And it made me frown and keep probing, trying to draw back more of the dream because…it felt good.

I looked down at her. She was still asleep, her lips pursed and a tiny frown on her face. I wondered what was troubling her. It must be wonderful, to not have a care in the world….

I thought about what I’d said. I love you. And it was true. I loved her and somehow, when I was fucking her—no, making love to her—it hadn’t felt like it was Christina. It had felt like she was a whole different woman.

Somehow, she’d changed. I’d never have allowed myself to get close to someone like her, so innocent and good. But because she was Christina, because I knew she was cold, and evil...she was safe. So she’d slipped straight past my radar.

And being with her had changed me. I’d become more like the man I would have been if that day twenty years ago hadn’t happened. That’s why I’d bought her the dress and given her the necklace: it just felt right, as if she was the woman my mother and grandmother always told me I’d meet. And then I’d seen her in the dress and my heart just…. And then, when I realized she was in pain, I’d felt this overpowering, protective urge and swept her into my arms….