And then it was too late. I’d fallen for her.
Now, though, as I lay there watching her, the memories rose up, falling across my mind like cold shadows. How could you do this? Loving someone made me weak. Vulnerable. You remember what happened!
I leaned down and gently kissed the top of her head, the unease growing in my chest.
I couldn’t be weak. I had to carry on. For the family.
But I loved her.
42
Hailey
I SLEPT FITFULLY and the final few hours lay there awake, eyes open, staring at the window as the dawn filtered through the drapes. I wasn’t sure which had shaken me most: the realization that I was in love with Konstantin, or the reminder that I was going to have to betray him.
Calahan must have been listening because, as soon as I got up and went to the shower, he came on my earpiece. Had he been on shift all night? I wondered how much sleep he was getting. “We’ve got a plan,” he told me. “We need to get something to you. Walk to the coffee stand at the end of the street. The barista is one of our agents. Tell him your name and he’ll put what you need in a coffee cup.”
By the time I was dressed, Konstantin was up and dressed, too. I was worried that things might snap back to how they were, that he’d act like last night hadn’t happened. But as soon as he saw me, he drew me to him, leaned down, and kissed me. It was tender but solemn and I could see the worry on his face. He’s still figuring it all out. I’d try to give him some space. “I’m going to go down the street and get a coffee,” I told him.
He shook his head. “Not with Ralavich around. I’ll send a guard.”
Ralavich. Just the memory of him made me shudder. It brought home to me how wrong Carrie had been, when she’d said these men were all the same.
I forced myself to focus on the mission. Sending a guard to get my coffee wouldn’t work: what if he looked inside the cup? “Maybe you could come with me,” I said. “It’s a lovely morning. A quick stroll down the street….”
Konstantin’s forehead crumpled. “I have things to attend to. And we have coffee here. Why would you want to—”?
God, he’d lived in a purely practical world for so long. ‘Because it’s romantic!” I insisted.
He blinked at me... and then softened and nodded. My heart lit up. This was all new to him, but he was trying….
And then icy reality crushed my heart again. He was trying... and I was being romantic to deceive him, to betray him.
We walked outside and down the long driveway. Konstantin looked around suspiciously as we reached the street: he made me think of a huge, protective wolf, sniffing the air. I wondered how long it had been since he left the grounds on foot.
But at last he nodded to himself and turned towards the coffee stand. And then he reached down awkwardly and—
My heart lifted as his hand closed around mine. He really is trying. And it was romantic. The freezing wind of the last few days had stripped most of the fall leaves from the trees but now it had dropped away and it was calm and peaceful, the street silent except for the scrunch of red and orange leaves under our feet.
We reached the coffee stand and I asked for a vanilla latte, giving my name as Christina. Konstantin went for a black Americano and we sipped them on the walk back, still hand in hand. We could have been any happy couple out for a stroll. Why can’t it just be like this? Ever since Rufus was killed, I’d fought against criminals. I’d thought it was simple: they were bad guys, I was one of the good guys. But when I saw how Konstantin kept order on the streets, how he protected people...when I compared him to the real evil, people like Ralavich….
But of course it wasn’t that simple. The FBI wasn’t desperate to bring him down because he’d built an empire. There’s always been organized crime in this city. We needed to stop him because his aggressive expansion was going to spin the city into a gang war.
“Why can’t you stop?” I blurted, just as we reached the doors of the mansion.
He turned to look at me. “What?”
I pointed at the New York skyline. “You keep taking more territory, getting bigger and bigger. You already control over a third of the city. You’re already the biggest. Why can’t you stop there?”
He frowned, not angry, but concerned. “It never bothered you before.”
“It bothers me now. When are you going to stop? When is it enough?”
His face fell and the pain flooded his eyes, chasing away any trace of blue. God, what happened to him?